You Need to Hear This and How a Colleague Changed My Path in One Hour

8. You tell me what I need to hear, not what I want to hear.?

This week’s topic changed the trajectory of my career.?

As lawyers, we have an ethical duty to zealously represent our clients. ?I always thought that word “zealous” was an interesting choice of words. To me, bringing passion to the representation of your client is the best part of the job. The best lawyers can merge passion and logical reasoning together to obtain successful legal outcomes.?

But the best lawyers will also tell me the cold hard truth and are not afraid to tell me when I least want to hear it. No one enjoys giving bad news. No one likes telling the client things that will upset them or runs directly counter to their thinking on an issue. And yet, if you want to stand out, you can by bucking these mindsets at key moments: be that lone voice that disagrees or acts as the contrarian when you really believe your point of view.?

Perhaps some lawyers worry about what clients or inside counsel will think of them if they give the unwelcome advice or point of view. I am here to tell you that I can remember several pivotal moments when outside counsel or my in-house colleagues disagreed with me, and it was EXACTLY what I needed to hear. It changed the course of those legal issues and made me more successful. I am indebted to those lawyers, and it made them stand out. I cannot remember a SINGLE time that an outside counsel offered unwelcome advice or reality and I refused to work with them again. It takes courage to speak up. Our legal issues are complicated, intense, and layered. There are no simple answers so challenge any thinking until you find the right thinking. I actively look to work with lawyers who will challenge me again. That is how the best thinking is done in healthy conflict.?

?What are the best ways to tell me what I need to hear?

1. Be authentic. Honesty is the best policy. Really express to the client why you feel the way you do in your own words. I can tell when someone truly believes the WHY of their point of view by HOW they share their point of view.
2. Acknowledge the wishful thinking. “I know we want to think we did better here, but…” Sometimes, we do not want to face the reality of difficult truths. We can give voice to having that same wishful thinking, but then work together to face the more difficult truth together.
3. Establish trust and good intent. ?“I am here to help. I am always going to tell you what I think to be most helpful to you. That is why I need to say…”

Now, I am not saying be difficult and challenging all the time. Pick your battles. But when the particular battle can win the war, that may be the moment.

How did this kind of approach change my career? ?I once asked a colleague for advice on my career at a time when I was desperately disappointed that career developments were not happening for me. Instead of telling me a lot of pleasantries about how “it is not you, but it is them,” she spent one hour telling me how career advancement is a two-way street and I had not done any of the things on my side of the street to put myself in a position of success. She proceeded to methodically list all these things that I should do but I had not done.?

She was right on every count. And I set out the next day with a new mindset. I am forever grateful to this colleague. I will never forget what she did for me by telling me what I needed to hear at the very moment I least wanted to hear it. You too can be that memorable and valuable to your clients.?

Brennan