You Need to Find Your Tribe. It will change your life!

Around 2005, after running Taylor Studios for fourteen years, I realized I needed to surround myself with like-minded people. At that time, I bought out my partner and was the sole owner. This can be a lonely position. Even though I had a great team, there are things you can’t share. My personal friends at the time were not business-minded. I needed people I could share the problems, fears, and frustrations of business ownership with. I joined an organization called Vistage. They put together groups of business owners for monthly meetings, coaching, and other leadership training. Once a month I drove two hours to Indianapolis for our meetings. I cherish this group and even though I dropped out several years ago I still reach out to them from time to time.

I found my peers, and yet, there was something missing. First, they were two hours away. Second, they were mostly men. This isn’t a problem, it’s just that there are some things it’s easier to talk to women about. Somewhat randomly about a decade ago I started setting up what I called “drink and learns” with a local group of four other women. I met Lori when we were both on the Champaign County Economic Development Board. She introduced me to Deb. I then introduced both of them to my accountants at the time Denise and Kelly. All of us are leaders within our organizations. We’ve been getting together about every two months ever since. I jokingly call them my C-Suite girls. C-suite refers to executive-level managers like a CEO (Chief Executive Officer), CFO (Chief Financial Officer), or COO (Chief Operating Officer). They are powerful, inspirational, and fun. These women are more than just my peers. They are my tribe.

Lori Patterson, CEO of PixoVin and one of the members of our group, describes us like this: “We're all responsible for managing people, company strategy, budgets, and organizational culture. As such, we understand the skin we each have in our respective games and we can intimately empathize with each other as difficult decisions or risky opportunities arise. We talk about hard stuff and give each other raw, honest feedback. We do it with humor, and with a clear understanding that our humanness (who we each are and what we need as women) comes first and foremost above business.”

“One of the unique things about us as a collective is that we're all quite different from one another. Our politics do not align, our priorities are not necessarily similar, and our energies and passions are varied. But we come together with the utmost respect for one another and with a true sense of commitment to being here for each other, listening to each other, giving each other the benefit of the doubt, and trusting each other.”

Kelly Loschen, Senior Vice President and Chief Financial Officer at Farm Credit of Illinois says the group is meaningful to her because it is based on trust. “Trust that our discussions are confidential. Trust that I receive honest and sincere feedback from each of you. Trust that the group is a judgment-free zone. Trust that no topic is off-limits. Trust that we can disagree and challenge one another and not take it personally. It is because of this trust that we are able to lift each other up, care for one another, and genuinely celebrate our differences.”

Deb Reardanz, CEO of Clark Lindsey, added that part of that trust comes from a lack of competition. “We share similar struggles and successes, but not at the expense of one another. Working in different sectors of the business world helps with that too. We are also in varying times of our career, each leaning on one another’s unique experience to figure out what comes next and to make it our own. I like that our get-togethers rarely have an agenda. The sharing and the learnings are very organic and always seem to be just what I need, even when I didn’t know that I needed anything at all.”

Our get-togethers aren’t all business and the location isn’t always a bar. We’ve met at my farm, in a hot tub, and in a swimming pool. Topics often include travel, family, relationships, and struggles therein. Sometimes we meet separately. At one lunch with Lori, I described some embarrassing decisions and mistakes I made in dating. In her kind and direct way she said, “you have to stop doing [this] and promise me you’ll go do [this].” It was exactly what I needed to hear.

This group has also been a life-saver, literally. We can all vividly recall one meeting at Bunny’s, a local bar, where Lori let us know that she hadn’t been feeling well and described her symptoms. Denise Martin, Partner at Martin Hood, adamantly and forcefully told Lori to go see her doctor tomorrow. She made her promise. Within days Lori was diagnosed with Ovarian cancer. We were all devasted and scared. Over the next year, Lori fought for her life and had our group to lean on when she needed it. Five years later we were once again meeting at Bunny’s, and Lori let us know that she met with her doctor that day and was cancer-free.

I cherish these women and lean on them. Our get-togethers and friendship have changed our lives for the better. There is an ease that maybe only a group of women can provide. Yet, we are fierce and help each other be the warriors that we are. We can talk about business which may bore our other friends to death. I encourage you to go find your tribe or tribes.

Do you have a professional tribe?

“We need to reshape our own perception of how we view ourselves. We have to step up as women and take the lead.” ~ Beyonce