You need Confidence to succeed

The age-old Nature Vs Nurture question automatically comes into play when we talk about where confidence comes from. The essence of who we are is pre-packaged in our genetic makeup, with each of us naturally falling into either the Introvert or Extrovert category. 

While some children seemingly burst into the world stage-right under a spotlight, others prefer to draw their energy from within. Nature plays a crucial part in the origins of confidence, but that doesn’t mean we can’t nurture confidence in those with an aversion to being in the limelight.

I assume you’ve heard the saying ‘sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.’ In actual fact, words have the power to make or break you. Ngugi wa Thiong’o talks about the barrel of a pen – the equally destructive and redeeming power of words (both verbal & written) – for one can recover from physical harm, but not necessarily from the words we absorb; particularly during our childhood. Raise a child telling them they are ‘stupid’, and the child will likely grow up to believe it. The invisible barriers to success that can be created with words are endless; and we can all recount someone in our life (dead or alive) who has profoundly knocked our confidence. In this instance, I recall a teacher at high school telling me I couldn’t become a pilot due to low grades in Physics and Chemistry. I was 15 at the time, but I trusted and looked up to her enough to swallow the fact I couldn’t be a pilot even though I had dreamt of doing so all my life. Moral of the story: words can be lethal.

Positive Reinforcement – Instill confidence in your children from the outset by reaffirming their ability to succeed and encouraging them to try new experiences. Raise your child to intrinsically believe that s/he can do anything they put their minds to and you will purposefully lay the foundations for confidence in adulthood. Likewise, reaffirm your spouse/family/friends when they do well and you will effectively unlock their potential and boost self-assurance.  

Open mindedness –  your ability to adapt to different environments will likely stem from your childhood setting. If you are somebody who was brought up to form your own opinion by exploring the world around you; this will inevitably contribute to your confidence. The subconscious process of being able to draw your own conclusions and make personal choices without fear of family indoctrination or judgement is the very essence of self-confidence.

Practice makes perfect – we gain confidence from life achievements; often because of investing time in our craft. When we consistently practice a skill, we get better; and when we get better we gain more confidence.

Being comfortable in your skin – Self-acceptance is the holy grail of self-confidence, as our deepest insecurities stem from doubt, lack and rejection of self. When you reach the point in your life where you are self-aware, able to acknowledge your desires, and assertive enough to seek them out; you can be defined as ‘comfortable in your skin.’

Nothing will chip away more avidly at your confidence than misalignment between who you genuinely are and how you portray yourself to the whole. Strive to bridge this gap – no longer having to fight the agonizing battle of pretending-to-be-someone-that-others-expect-you-to-be will have your confidence soaring. It all comes from within. Remind yourself daily of your worth; absorb positive mantras and accept feedback/compliments with grace. Confidence is like a gas stove; you control the size of the flame.

Twitter: @MirandaNaiman

[Published in The Citizen, 29th May 2018]

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