Will You Be My Mom Friend?

Motherhood is pretty reminiscent of the classic elementary school field day event the three-legged race - but on steroids.

Every time you feel like you have the ability to move one step forward, you're either waiting for the other person to catch up, or you're left tripping over yourself. At its core, this analogy is relatable to any facet in the work/life/motherhood bucket of your choosing. Enjoy!

To ultimately be successful and cross the finish line, the three-legged race requires teamwork, patience, and the art of interdependence. It's a mutual trust and understanding between the person whose leg is literally tied to yours because they're simultaneously responsible for you winning 1st place and standing on the podium, collecting a gold trophy and a gift certificate to McNulty's.

I digress. And anyone who grew up in my hometown of Miller Place will understand the aforementioned reference.

In my mind, there is co-dependence with your spouse to handle work and familial duties, sure, but on the next avenue, the three-legged race is representative of your Mom friends.

Mom Friends (n.): Women traversing down the same path as you in life, experiencing similar situations, feeling the same feelings, likely around your age and with children around the same age as yours.

Before you become a mother, no one tells you that your friendships will evolve into a different stratosphere once children come into the picture. Suddenly, you go from running out of the house with your clutch for a spontaneous meetup to packing your child's life in a diaper bag and forgetting your wallet, even though you've planned an event 1-2 months out.

It's falling asleep at 8:30pm and doing the majority of your heavy lift texting between the hours of 5:00-7:00am when you can catch up on conversations.

It's holding each other's hands knowing that you're each juggling work, a child(ren), multiple schedules, and life.

A few conversations that I've had with my Mom friends (also lovingly referred to as my friends recently):

-A play-by-play of waking up to vomit littering my daughter's crib one morning when those who know me very personally know full-well throwing up is my worst fear.

-Running to Penn Station on the evening of my second day of work, texting my friend to see if she was going to hire a babysitter that I recommended. My new one had quit extremely unexpectedly, while I was at the office in Manhattan no less, and my mind was racing about childcare backup. Thankfully, we hired her; this is a perfect example as to why you need a Plan B (and C, D, E, F) at all times.

-Talking about how someone should have posed this question to us as twenty-somethings: "Do you want to pay a second mortgage? Cool, okay! Have kids and a career."

-Told my friends that I sat and ate McDonald's in silence, alone on my couch, and we all agreed at how beautiful and profound the privilege was. Seriously, IYKYK.

As an adult, it's very difficult to make new friends, especially if you are on the introverted side. I'm not a great example because I can talk to a brick wall and form a relationship, but I do understand the associated difficulties, especially when you're looking for a trusted individual to bond with and confide in about meaty topics like motherhood and work.

The best advice I can give is to put yourself out there. Moms - especially the network that I have tapped into on LinkedIn - are so willing to help, lend an ear or hand, and support one another. In person, be open to welcoming others into your gang.

Recently, a group friends of mine went out for the day with our daughters. My one friend ran into a friend of hers from grad school, whom she hadn't seen in years. We all started talking with her - she also had a daughter around the same age as ours - and explained that since moving, she didn't have a group of friends, let alone Mom friends, in her area to connect with. So, what did we do? Naturally, we all friended her on Instagram and adopted her. A simple gesture goes a long way.

Though having Mom friends that are around your age, have children your age, and are in similar stages of their career is helpful and relatable, it's not the be all end all. There are Moms who are out of the toddler stage and can provide advice and preparation for the grade school era; high school; college. There are first-time Moms who are brand new to the game who will need advice about how to survive the first month, when life is a rushing blur of total and complete chaos.

Bottom line: you can't win the three-legged race without a compatriot. Let's be honest, you can't even cross the finish line. Hold your friends close and your Mom friends closer.

And as the resident Chief Mothering Officer, if you need a friend, my door is always open.