You are more Amazin' than you yet know!

What most people don't know about me is that I was born and shall most likely always be architecturally?wired as an introvert.

I am shy.?Internally quiet.?Lost in a book or well-constructed movie, with a slide and slice of vegetarian pizza and I am done for the night!

In a former life, having lived upon the shorelines of both our country's beautiful coastlines, and dozens of wonderful States in between, and with five continents thereafter under my vagabonder's belt, and combined with more countries now than I can remember, I found myself about a decade or so ago lost in the charms of Santa Barbara's arms.?Stirring, sensual, succulent.?From Her prepossessing?element of silkyness and style, and strolling Her majestic delights in a way that only She can do, I was intoxicated?with this city and her denizens.?In and of their own right,?just as Heavenly the streets and beaches were as?the people that hail proudly from there.?And in this moment, I am remembering when I used to sail under the Catamarans on any given silent Sunday morning, a salty sea morning mist not even yet arisen, just the kayaks already anxious and eager gazingly gazing upon?those waves, I knew the world was ready to rock for the day!, silent waters but rimmed and rhyming with Time, the entirety?of the harbor's piers shelved with seaweed and sweat and with the sweet opportunity?of discovery opening up, I sailed upon that ocean this glorious day, feeling nothing but the empowering rays of the Sun above and the timeless calmness of the water ubiquitous all around me, me passing faring vessels and cruising past beautiful polychromatic starfishes and barking California sea lions, high-fiving and fist pumps all in!, and as my former psychiatrist might have said, this is a time well therapeutic?and a time well deserved.

Maybe he was right.?Maybe he was just punching in the darkness, trying to offer something, an indelible idea that?I could swallow and hold onto later.?I?don't know.??

Lately I have?been roaming aimlessly.?Looking up at the night, looking down during the day, searching.?Battling?with epilepsy?and off the Richter?scale rhabdomyolysis, oh yeah oh yes, let's not forget encephalitis.?And admittedly, yes, every now and then?I kick the living sh*t out of me mentally because it's important to debate your?own thoughts,?especially?the ones you hold most deep to your?heart.?Challenge them to?challenge you,?lovingly, gracifully, knowing that each of?you are here to?help their?fire burn a?little longer right outside?the front door.?Not to quote a song but hey why am I coming through the front window here with the front yard still burning with my car, why am I leaping into the back windows just to get inside??

It is no surprise?to me that every now and then I am my worst enemy.?

Sure, lately my wheels have been?turning, but they're upside down.?Feels?like I'm dressed up like a car crash.?And when the Universe?hits me, I feel alive.... but what really does that mean??Alive?, or awakening??And I could lip sync to the nightly news and talk shows, but is that really me talking or regurgitating what I was just fed??

I'm just quoting lyrics and floating away here.?Maybe we all feel that at some times.?Angels and Devils, and all that flows between the Spirit of the?Divine and that will one day be erased, once found me in the silence of the night, some random night in Tampa, deep into the abyss of both the night and the emptiness that I felt in my soul.?

Full confession here:?I took my shoes off.?I had nothing to hide, and what makes LinkedIn special is professionals?can connect shamelessly, or at least unabashedly, and express where they?might have made a different?choice.

Heaven knows I wish I had chosen a different route...... and yet, and yet.

So, I unplugged my gears for this night, music gone, shhh, and quietness, with inspiration washing towards us in the nightly waves.

If I could, in this moment, reveal my soul, I would have left all reservations?beyond.?Internally I felt that sunlight fading away...

In this moment now, I feel a different?thought, that we must hang on. Depression is a soul killer.?Truly.?I feel it intimately, more than I want to.? And even the best and brightest of us are tilted and pushed towards that?proverbial edge sometimes, compelling?us to leap, to jump into oblivion, so this thought process is not unique, though I wish it was...

I want to reach out and leap sometimes.?

Heaven, I know I am not a hopeless case.?Just a little lost in the moment.?So if You could, wash down a little patience?at this moment in time for me.?

For those out there struggling through whatever you're going through, Hang on!,?for if I can, I know you can too.?

I ain't nothing special.?Just another soul like you, beautiful, broken, busted, boldful, lost in the wilderness?of Life and striking through.?Like you, I am hanging by my thumbs, awaiting for whatever comes... but with an eternal smile that the best is still around the corner....

And I quote, I have cursed my rod and staff for they no longer comfort me.

Love, if you can, rescue me, in this dry and waterless place.

So glad You're here...