You may be raised to be a people-pleaser. Don't let it control you!

How NICE are you, my friend?

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Like most women, I was raised to be nice.

Actually, there were some strong narratives in my family

why being nice and being liked was so important:

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For my business owner grandma and mom,?

it meant making good money.

For my government lawyer/politician dad,?

it meant winning cases and elections.

For me as an only child,?

it meant not being lonely.

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No wonder it took me decades to get out of the likability trap!

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Are you still cringing at the thought that people don't like you?

That they may not consider you nice?

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When I recently polled my LinkedIn connections?

about the most harmful “good girl habit”,?

42 percent of participants ranked

“the need to be nice and be liked” as most harmful.

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As I see it,?

“being nice” is really the mother of all good girl habits.

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Mind you, there's nothing wrong with being liked –

until you prioritize it over

• voicing your opinion
• showing up authentically
• expressing your needs and wants
• … (this list could go on for longer than you have time!)

What helped me unlearn “nice” was a refocus on “kind”.

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Kind is very different from nice.

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If you focus on NICE,?

you focus on others and what they think of you.

Including, of course, societal expectations.

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You put yourself last and have a hard time standing up?

for your values, opinions or needs if that may rock the boat.

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That's harmful to you and your relationships –?

as others don't get to experience the real You.

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As a KIND person, you show concern and empathy for others –?

but without neglecting your own genuine concerns.?

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You voice disagreement if needed,?

and may even withhold help if that serves everybody better.

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You build genuine connections?

because you let people see who you are and what you stand for.

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I like this take on what's different:

Niceness is rooted in fear,?

kindness is rooted in love.

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Because it's scary to think of others not liking us, isn't it?

But there's a lot of freedom waiting on the other side!

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Here are a few tips where to start to explore kindness and?

unlearn your good girl habit of being liked at all costs:

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#1 Be honest with yourself

Take a moment to reflect on your everyday actions and motivations.?

Are you being nice to please others, or are you genuinely being kind?

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#2 Check your boundaries

Define the boundaries you need in personal and professional relationships.?

It's okay to prioritize your well-being before the oxygen masks drop!

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#3 Allow yourself to be YOU

Show up as your authentic self, even if it means being vulnerable (as long as you are safe!). Authenticity builds trust and fosters true connection.

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#4 Redefine success

Shift your perspective on success away from the popularity contest. Better metrics could make a positive impact and stay true to your values.

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Now, here's a question for you:

How have you prioritized “nice” to your detriment,

and which small change will you make?

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As always, I encourage you to make that change right away – today!

And please send me a message to let me know what you did.

I want to celebrate your badassery!!

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If that's going a little too far, don't worry. I know it's hard.?

Let me know if you need help and I am happy to chat.

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If you want me to support your journey,?there are 3 ways to work with me:

1. ALL-IN: 6 months of 1-on-1 sessions, tailored to your specific needs; and you also have free access to the coaching group
2. GROUP: 6 months in a small group of like-minded female professionals, a mix of working through my 3C Model and hot-seat coaching (registrations opening SOON!)
3. CORPORATE: Coaching “office hours” as well as customized speaking engagements and workshops online or in person for your team or event

Send me a message or contact [email protected]?to learn more.

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