Are you "Man Enough"?

Almost all male protagonists in movies are described as being handsome, rugged, ripped, manly, sexy, charming etc. We are so used to seeing that tough, lone strong guy, the Die Hard Bruce Willis kind of character who gets the girl and the friend who doesn't. We have an issue with masculinity in part because, if you look it up in the dictionary, it is defined by words like strength, power, and force. When you look up feminine in the dictionary, it’s described as gentle, beautiful, and pretty.

The other day when I was heading for lunch with some guys from work, we were talking about women empowerment and someone in the back seat suddenly cried, “but you are not a woman!” In those five seconds before I re-confirmed my identity, I was overcome by a sudden surge of overwhelming anxiety and fear, and I almost felt as if I have either gone crazy or almost about to die with the discovery that I was not a woman as I had been thinking all my life, but some other species that may or may not be human! In short - I panicked! I quickly checked my appearance in the mirror to see if I had grown a horn or a tail, or maybe something else, and to my relief I looked every bit of a woman I am with all my vanity intact! 

We’ve put each other in these boxes and if you come out of either one then you’re this weird anomaly. If you’re a woman and you have some traditionally masculine qualities, then you’re a bitch, right? If you’re a man and you have traditionally feminine qualities, then you’re gay! We have some serious deep issues with the way that we talk about this stuff.

When we talk about being “man enough” it involves some sort of ridiculous, macho feat of physical strength, coupled with requisite muscle-flexing and grunting. Are you man enough to admit you’re wrong? To talk about your feelings with other men? To *gasp* cry?

There is a need to disrupt the culture of toxic masculinity that teaches boys from very early ages that brute manliness is prized and feminine traits are to be repressed, lest they appear weak. The worst insult you could give to a six-year-old boy is to call him a ‘girl’. That’s where it starts.

How many guys are working out because they want to, or because they want to be the perfect definition of a man? And how many of those guys, when they look in the mirror, feel like they’re not enough?

Many of you may remember a time when tough guys around you made you feel weak and you were bullied because you were not like them and you felt like you had to adopt this tough, manly persona to fit in. You had to push away all the qualities and the attributes that the world perceived to be feminine and maybe those things were some of your greatest strengths. The best friend that you could tell your deepest, darkest secrets to and the one who would be there for you would be friend-zoned, but the guys who were saying bad things about the women—the guys that wouldn’t treat them well—were the ones that always got the girls that you liked. What’s wrong with this system? There’s something broken here.

If I recall all my teenage crushes, they would be tall, dark handsome guys who would save the princess. Not only me, almost every girl falls for the kind of guys in Mills & Boons novels she hides under her pillow in that age. Now when I think about it - I don't need anyone to save me from anything, I can do that very well myself and that doesn't make me any less of a woman, and neither does it make him any less of a man if he is sensitive and has some feminine qualities.

It's not a gender thing! It's all of us, we are responsible for creating this toxic environment around us, which forces humans to adopt a fake persona to fit in and be accepted, or get used to bullying. I believe it's time we stop and move forward. There would be no #metoo if we listened to each other and embraced our true selves and let others too. There is no "perfect man", neither is there a "perfect woman" - we are all human. Use your strength to look deep into yourself and face it - you are perfect as you are. Embrace it!