Are you a lover or a luster??

I really wish that when they teach you about sex at school, that they also taught you about the difference between love and lust. I'm sure that this would save people (including me!) a lot of wasted time and energy!

I really believe that confusing love and lust was one of the things that was responsible for my absolutely dire dating life.

You see love and lust are often confused, but they are distinct experiences that play different roles in our lives. Both are really powerful emotions, but they operate on different levels, affecting how we connect with others and how relationships unfold over time.

Understanding the difference between love and lust can help us navigate relationships more thoughtfully, stop over investing in the wrong people and make better decisions (by not spending time on the time wasters - think situationship).

What is Lust?

So...lust is an intense, physical attraction driven primarily by desire. It is that spark of chemistry you feel when you meet someone who physically excites you. Sound familiar?

Lust is fueled by hormones such as testosterone and estrogen, pushing you toward physical closeness and intimacy. It tends to be immediate and overwhelming, often focusing on surface-level traits like appearance, touch, and sexual attraction.

Lust can be exciting, addictive and thrilling, often dominating the early stages of a relationship. It gives rise to infatuation (think stressing over when you will see them again, when they will call, fantasising about the future), the kind of emotional rush that makes it hard to think about anything or anyone else. While lust can be a great starting point, it is fleeting. It typically doesn't involve deeper emotional connection, empathy, or long-term compatibility.

What is Love?

Love, on the other hand, goes far beyond physical attraction. It's built over time and involves emotional intimacy, trust, and commitment. Love's about caring for someone on a deeper level and wanting to share your life with them. It involves not just enjoying each other’s company, but supporting one another through ups and downs, growing together, and building a shared future.

Whereas lust is fuelled by attraction (infatuation), love is powered by emotional bonds. Hormones such as oxytocin and vasopressin, often called the "love hormones," play a role in creating feelings of attachment and connection. Love requires patience, understanding, and acceptance of each other's flaws. It is less about physical attraction (though this is still important) and more about emotional closeness, respect, and shared values.

Key Differences Between Love and Lust

1. Emotional Depth: Lust is surface-level, focusing mainly on physical attraction and sexual desire. Love is deeper, encompassing emotional connection, trust, and mutual care.
2. Longevity: Lust is typically short-lived, often lasting only a few months. It's more about immediate gratification. Love, on the other hand, endures over time. It evolves and grows, often getting stronger as couples navigate life's challenges together.
3. Focus: When you're in lust, the focus is often on satisfying your own desires. It's more self-centered, seeking the pleasure and excitement that come from being with someone you find attractive. Love, however, is other-centered. It involves thinking about the other person’s well-being, needs, and happiness.
4. Communication and Intimacy: In lust, communication may be limited to the excitement of the moment and might lack depth. In love, communication is open, honest, and involves discussing future plans, values, and emotions. Emotional intimacy becomes as important as physical intimacy.
5. End Goals: Lust tends to be more focused on immediate physical satisfaction. It may fade once that initial excitement wears off. Love, however, is about long-term goals. It involves building a life together, forming a partnership that lasts.

The Balance Between Love and Lust

While love and lust are distinct, they are not mutually exclusive. In a healthy relationship, both can coexist (otherwise known as the holy grail of dating!). Lust is often what draws two people together, but love is what keeps them connected for the long term. Lust provides excitement and passion, while love provides stability, trust, and emotional support.

Recognizing the difference between the two is crucial for understanding where you stand in a relationship. A relationship based solely on lust may be fun and intense (think friends with benefits or situation-ship), but it is unlikely to withstand the test of time. On the other hand, a relationship built on love will have depth, meaning, and the potential for lasting happiness (YES!!).

Conclusion

Love and lust are two sides of the emotional spectrum, each with its own place in human relationships. Lust is an exhilarating, addictive emotion, driven by physical attraction, while love is a deeper, more meaningful connection built over time. Understanding the distinction between the two can help you form healthier, more fulfilling relationships by ensuring you prioritize emotional intimacy and shared values over fleeting desires.

How often have you confused the two? Send me a message, I'd love to hear your thoughts. But trust me, when you finally get both, it'll all make sense!!

Laura x