Are You Losing Your Patience?

Many parents define patience as staying quiet or calm when kids are misbehaving or not listening. The self talk sounds like:

“If I just ask my child to stop this behaviour again, this time I’ll get lucky.”

“If I ignore this behaviour long enough, maybe it will just stop.”

“If I repeat this instruction again, maybe they’ll listen this time.”

Then…BOOM! EXPLODING PARENT BRAIN!

“THAT’S IT! I’VE HAD IT! I WAS PATIENT, YOU IGNORED ME…NOW I’M YELLING! NOW YOU WILL LISTEN! YOU ONLY LISTEN WHEN I LOSE IT!”

If this is you, you aren’t alone.

I invite you to try my definition of patience: staying calm as we correct a misbehaviour the first time.

Instead of ignoring behaviour, saying the same things again and again, or hoping that things will change, we ACT.

We notice a misbehaviour, state a clear consequence and follow through immediately if the behaviour doesn’t change.

“I see you bashing the truck on the table. Where can you drive that truck safely? If you bash it again, you are choosing to have me take the truck and you can play a different game.”

Then, if they bash the truck again, “You are asking me to take the truck. I’ll return it tomorrow and you can try again. Let’s find another activity.”

They may not stay calm during this, but you can because you are not waiting around for the behaviour to be repeated and the internal pressure to build, you are clear, you act and move on. No parent yelling needed.

Instead of repeating an instruction many times, we go to the child, get their attention give the instruction and require them to follow through the first time. No repeating, no feeling disrespected or ignored. Use a calm voice, notice when the child follows through.

That’s patience! You got this.