“You look tired…” .

Three words have the power to change the course of a woman's entire day: “You look tired.”

This seemingly harmless, yet over-used statement isn't?malicious at the surface.

However, what people fail to realize is that by telling someone how they look, you're making assumptions about their morning, their day or their life in general with no context or evidence to back up your haphazard claim.

?In fact, the most dangerous place to drop the “you look tired” bomb is at your place of work because it has the residual effect of making the other person question their appearance, work ethic and, simply put, their worth.

That word confuses a lot of people and causes silly debate over what qualifies as harm. What matters is if it’s hurtful/harmful. It often is.

If someone is yawning frequently, then it’s reasonable to conclude that he or she is sleepy. It’s fine, mostly, to say, “You seem tired.” I say “mostly” because even if he or she is tired and you had reason to believe that, there might be a better way to ask.

But when you conclude that someone looks tired, you’re going based off his or her physical appearance. Maybe his/her facial color seems a little off, or maybe she seems like she has bags under her eyes.

These are generally considered to be unattractive things. Although your intentions might be showing concern and care, you’re signalling that the person’s physical characteristics are not attractive that day.

Disclaimer:?The information on this POST is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional advice. The opinions expressed within this article are the personal opinions of the author. All content, including text, graphics, images and information, contained on or available through this article is for general information purposes / educational purposes only, and to ensure discussion or debate.

Thank you?….That is a mildly hurtful thing; it’s calling her a little bit ugly and making her self-conscious. It’s better to just avoid such a comment. Even if you are basing this on the person’s actions, it can still be annoying. If it happens frequently, it makes a person have to be hyperaware of how he or she is coming across.

You may be wondering, like me, who doesn’t look tired currently —?who are these well-rested observers?!

Don’t they have mirrors?

Every adult I know over the age of 27 is chronically exhausted, so I think it’s fair to assume that the well-rested, attractive and youthful among us are teenagers.

My idea is that in the eyes of the person who made that comment, I would essentially resemble a woman who just woke up from a short night. Looking all dizzy and messy with swollen eyes. Simply tired.

Even though they probably spoke to me in the middle of the day. Assuming that either I am actually exhausted or that I simply do not look as good as I could.

The way I would perceive this assumption depends on the person and the situation.

On one hand, if my mother or someone who sincerely cares about me said something like that, I would think that they are actually concerned about my well-being. And I would not be offended.

On the other hand, if some random person from work or in some random place made that comment towards me, I would probably either get offended or I would simply not care about what they think.

Do you want to add a word or two?....

“You look tired” is a problematic statement because it is completely devoid of empathy, and what parades as concern?ends up being read as judgment.

Concerned people don't tell others how they look. They ask what the other person needs. That's the difference. Life happens outside of the office, and believe or not, the person you're speaking to also exists outside of the realm of this brief.

Life happens outside of the office, and — believe or not — the person you're speaking to also exists outside of the realm of this brief, yet catastrophic convo.

They actually may be tired. You don't know. However, making a brash and superfluous comment about their looks? I can guarantee that they don't feel any less tired after fake-smiling their way through this extremely awkward situation.

Why? Not because they were unhappy, but because they were simply tired of people assuming they were exhausted — typically at their places of work — because they skipped the eye makeup?or concealer. I witnessed gorgeous women being knocked down a couple pegs and forced back into their comfort?zones because of these three words: "You look tired." It's unfair.

Your Comments……

Keep in mind, if a woman — or anyone for that matter — looks “tired” by your standards, telling them while you shrug your shoulders and stroll off?doesn't help. If you are truly concerned about the person's well-being here are some things you can say instead:

“How are you feeling today?”

By asking instead of telling, you give them a chance to speak for themselves instead of imposing what you think you know.

I'm going to get coffee. Do you want anything?

This, my friends, is how progress is made. This is real empathy, free of judgment.

People push themselves to the limit all the time, and everyone has their reasons for doing so. They're aware that today, instead of spending 20 minutes perfecting their “cat-eye,” they opted to try a new meditation routine, or that they stayed up later than usual reading a new book that they simply couldn't put down. They know how they look without you telling them.

Think about the new moms, the graduate students, the entrepreneurs, the women doing their best with what they have, whether it's a 2-year-old tube of lipstick and some shimmery blue eye shadow or the finest beauty products around.

Think about the women trying to give up wearing makeup for the first time, and ask yourself how you would feel if you felt your peers or co-workers were going to comment on your appearance randomly.

How would you feel if someone pointed out what you've been trying to minimize?all morning? Maybe they are tired. So what? Hell, maybe they feel like Beyoncé! Unless you bring coffee, compliments or assistance, it's best to follow the golden rule: If you don't have anything nice to say, shut it.

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