Are you living a life of possibilities?

Last weekend I had absolutely nothing planned. Nothing to do. Literally, empty spacetime.

In the not so distant past this would have filled me with dread. I’d have felt lonely and had massive FOMO. I remember some very sad weekends over the course of my life. Loving my work and wishing away the weekends so I could get back to feeling connected and in the thick of things. Feeling the aching absence of a relationship or close friendships.

But these days a weekend with nothing to do fills me with excitement. I call them my ‘spontaneity weekends’ – a weekend of truly being, not doing. And I plan them in (I know – ironic eh!)

Of course I do a few things but without any plan or any pressure – no to-do list. Just feeling into what I feel I need in each moment. When was the last time you did that for yourself? Tune in and act accordingly?

I cooked, I did yoga, I connected with my kids and friends but no plan or expectations. It was delightful. And it’s something I’ve been doing since we came out of covid. Taking time for myself to just be with myself and invest in myself. Give myself time to reflect and hang out with my best friend i.e me!

During this most recent me-time weekend I decided to read a book I had been recommended called ‘The Art of Possibility’ by a married couple Benajmin and Rosamund Zander. The title alone intrigued me as possibility is one of my favourite words. In fact we use the word related to women in pharma – we inspire possibilities.

And wow the book was A-MAZZZ-ING!

The front cover has a quote on it: ‘one of the most inspiring practical and uplifting books I have ever read. The very act of reading it with an open heart and mind will improve your health.’

And so it did!

The concept is that everything in life is an invention by our brains. In recognising this it gives you the immediate sense that you get to choose. And if you change the way you see things you can make what might be perceived as problems fade away. It recognises that we as humans have a default mode of measuring – be it time or expectations or comparing ourselves with others. But this measurement reference frame is something we humans have invented. So the idea is what if you invent a way of viewing life differently – in a way that benefits you. It’s a new frame of possibility. Just like my empty weekend.

The whole book is inspiration for how we can change our measurement reference frame into a frame of possibility.

One of the elements I particularly liked was the idea of giving yourself an A. At school we’re given grades. Some get As, some Bs, some Cs. The same for work-based annual assessments. We’re told not everyone can get an A. There are distribution curves. It’s a measurement tool comparing vs others. If you get an A you’re elated. If you get lower grades you feel like you could have done better.

But what if this was different? What if you got the top score from the start. So you didn’t do an end of year review. Instead you write a letter from your future self looking back over what you’d done and how you’d grown to be deserving of an A for yourself. This could be in any aspect of your life. Your work, your relationships, your passion projects. How would that change your year ahead? When people did this in the class of one of the authors, who is an orchestra conductor, he was totally inspired by their letters. His class completely shifted from worrying about not doing well enough to playing their instruments fearlessly, experimenting, trying new things, taking risks, and leaps, trusting their instincts, reaching out to people more courageously – the list goes on. Can you feel the difference? It’s electrifying. Because you already got the A. So you just have to be your best most unleashed self to be deserving of it. Wow. So simple and yet so transformational.

Another shift from measuring yourself against others was shift your focus from your relative performance to your contribution. We can all find people who are better than us at different things. This can make us feel relatively lowly in comparison. But what if you just focused on the contribution YOU can make. We can ALL contribute in our own unique ways. With a focus on contribution we can’t fail. A contribution is always positive. We can contribute in so many ways. By inspiring others. By helping them. By sharing. By listening. By tuning into what others need. How much nicer is life lived that way vs assessing how we are performing relative to others. Suddenly we shift the focus from ourselves and our own narrative to focusing on others. So we don’t need to be the best IN the world but the best for FOR the world. How refreshing is that!

The last element I loved was shifting our experience of life from what we might expect to the way things really are. Expectations are so problematic. We plan a day out and if it’s raining it could be ruined – we could spend the whole day frustrated and disappointed. We expect our partner to surprise us on valentines day. When they don’t our relationship suffers. In life our expectations often exceed reality – what we expect from a person, circumstances, the cards life deals us. It’s a receipt for disaster. Life and others will never measure up.

This gap equates to disappointment and a whole range of other negative emotions. But conversely if you just be with the way things are it means you can embrace that reality and see the possibilities within. The day out could be a relaxing day in connecting with someone or yourself in a different way. You could cook your partner a meal recognising how busy they’ve been at work recently.

It’s like the glass half full. It IS a glass full. Because that’s what’s actually there. Half empty is seeing what isn’t there so that’s not being with the way things are. So you shift from a scarcity framework – of seeing what is lacking – to seeing what is really there. From scarcity to abundance.

Effectively that’s what I have done with my empty weekends. Shifting from loneliness and FOMO to the gift of time with my best friend. From to-do lists to tuning into myself and whatever is right in front of me. The opportunity for spontaneity. From what isn’t happening to what I make happen in the moment.

Who wants to join me with this shift in perspective? Imagine the possibilities…