Are You Listening?

"Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply." — Stephen R. Covey

Good listening is often highlighted as a crucial skill across various disciplines, including communication, leadership, education, and more. Michael P. Nichols, in “The Lost Art of Listening: How Learning to Listen Can Improve Relationships” argues that good listening can significantly enhance personal relationships by making others feel valued and understood. The way we listen influences what people choose to share and how they express themselves. When someone feels truly heard and understood, they are more likely to open up and share their thoughts honestly. On the other hand, if someone senses that the listener is distracted, judgmental, or uninterested, they may withhold information, be less candid, or communicate less effectively. How do we measure how well we listen? Three levels of listening are often discussed when measuring listening.

Level One Listening

Level One Listening is a type of listening that is focused primarily on the listener themselves, rather than on the speaker. It is considered the most basic level of listening, where the listener is more concerned with how the conversation relates to them rather than fully engaging with the speaker’s message. During Level One listening, the spotlight is on "me": my thoughts, my judgments, my feelings, my conclusions about myself and others. Level One Listening involves only one question: "What does this mean to me?"

Judith Glaser, in the book “Conversational Intelligence”, emphasizes various listening strategies that foster deeper connections and mutual understanding in conversations. She shares her views of transactional listening which can be understood as a form of listening that is primarily focused on the exchange of information necessary to complete a task or achieve a specific outcome. Level One Listening can be effective in certain situations where quick, surface-level responses are needed, but it is often inadequate for deeper, more meaningful conversations. In coaching, leadership, or personal relationships, moving beyond Level One Listening to more engaged, empathetic forms of listening is crucial for building trust and understanding.

Level Two Listening

The movement to Level Two Listening, Focused Listening, change the focus to the other person. At this level, individuals make their presence known. It can be seen in people's posture when they are communicating at Level Two as both lean forward and are looking intently at each other. There is a great deal of attention on the other person and not much awareness of the outside world. We listen for words, expressions, emotions, what they do not say. In the words of Gabriel Marcel, a French existentialist philosopher, playwright, and music critic, "When somebody's presence does really make itself felt, it can refresh my inner being; it reveals me to myself, it makes me feel more fully myself than I should be if I were not exposed to its impact." ?Marcel's ideas on presence, listening, and the mystery of existence challenge us to consider the deeper aspects of human experience and the ways in which we engage with others and the world around us.

Nancy Kline, in “Time to Think: Listening to Ignite the Human Mind", ?although not using the exact Level Two terminology, explores the importance of attentive and focused listening. Her concept of creating a "thinking environment" involves deep, focused listening that aligns closely with the principles of Level Two Listening, where the listener is fully present and engaged with the speaker. Another author, Daniel Goleman, in “Working with Emotional Intelligence,” Daniel shares the importance of empathetic listening in the context of emotional and social intelligence. He emphasizes that truly effective communication requires the listener to be fully attuned to the speaker’s emotions and needs, which aligns with the principles of Level Two Listening.

Level Three Listening

During Level Three Listening, Global Listening, individuals listen at 360 degrees. This level represents the deepest and most comprehensive level of listening. This concept is commonly used in coaching, leadership, and communication training to describe a type of listening that goes beyond the words spoken by the individual to include an awareness of the entire environment, context, and energy of the conversation.

When in Level Three Listening, the listener is not just focused on the speaker but is also attuned to the broader context of the conversation. This includes being aware of non-verbal cues, the emotional tone, the physical environment, and the underlying dynamics between the people involved. Global Listening involves using intuition to sense what is not being said. The listener notices the "vibes" or "energy" of the conversation, which can include subtle shifts in mood, tension, or the flow of the dialogue. This level of listening includes being aware of the impact of the environment on the conversation. For example, the listener might notice how the setting, timing, or external factors influence the speaker and the dialogue. Authors who have written about Level Three Listening include Richard Boyatzis, Daniel Goleman, and Annie McKee in “Resonant Leadership.”? They emphasize the importance of deep, empathetic listening that goes beyond just hearing words, focusing on the emotional and relational content behind the communication.

How Are You Listening?

What advice has been given about listening? In his book "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People," Stephen Covey emphasizes the importance of becoming a better listener. He advises, "Seek first to understand, then to be understood." This principle stresses the value of listening with the intent to understand others, rather than merely waiting for your turn to speak. Simon Sinek in "Leaders Eat Last," explores the role of listening in leadership. He advises that leaders should listen more and speak less, to better understand the needs and concerns of their teams. Sinek suggests that listening is a key trait of effective leaders.

Julian Treasure who is a sound and communication expert has delivered popular TED Talks on the art of listening.?His work emphasizes the importance of conscious listening and how it impacts relationships, communication, and overall well-being. Should you be looking to improve listening skills, the short TED talk offers practical tips and exercises for improving listening skills, emphasizing the importance of listening in both personal and professional contexts.

Finally, in “You're Not Listening: What You're Missing and Why It Matters,” Kate Murphy?explores the importance of listening in a world where true, attentive listening is becoming increasingly rare. She delves into the science and psychology of listening, offering insights into why we often fail to listen properly and how this impacts our relationships, work, and society as a whole. Murphy argues that despite the increasing number of ways to communicate, genuine listening is on the decline. She attributes this to factors such as technology, social media, and the fast-paced nature of modern life, which encourage superficial engagement rather than deep listening. Murphy explains how listening affects our brain, influencing our ability to connect with others, build relationships, and develop empathy. She also discusses the consequences of poor listening skills, including misunderstandings, conflicts, and a lack of connection in personal and professional relationships. Murphy encourages readers to be more present in conversations, ask thoughtful questions, and resist the urge to interrupt or formulate a response while the other person is speaking.

Overall, improving listening skills can significantly enhance both personal and professional aspects of life, leading to more meaningful interactions, stronger relationships, and greater success in various endeavors.

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