You Are no Less a Mother if You Are Working

When I first got to know about my pregnancy, I was fearful. Oh! No, not about how things will proceed. I was more concerned about those overflowing emotions and the restlessness that came along with. They were practically giving me giving me jitters. It was not that I was not prepared for the next phase of my life, I was just not in the right mind. 

My personal life was a mess, ready to crumble. But then I gathered my thoughts, calmed myself down a bit. And started thinking about my baby.

That’s the point I became a “working mother.” 

You heard it right.

A working mother even when my fetus was still developing. It’s because mothers naturally connect with their child within their womb. They start thinking about their well-being even before they deliver a child. So, naturally if I was working at that time, I already had started my journey as a working mother.

This was the first time I tasted the reality of life!

Although I was going through a difficult patch, people I had around at that time were so helpful and caring. Every moment of my pregnancy was filled with happiness with a few moments of despair. My beloved friends at work, Meena, Aanchal, Akanksha, Gurdeep Sir, and rest of the team never made me think about my miseries. In fact, the first nickname of my daughter was given by two of my nerdy gang members.

Avocado!!

Well! They still call her that. The reason I am mentioning this is because many women are made to leave their jobs at this point of time. Sometimes it's societal pressure. And a few other times, its family dominance.

But let me tell you, being active in those months will help you recover pretty sooner after the delivery. And as they say physical and mental health is equally important. Working gives you the privilege of doing both.

I remember, I worked until my 9th month. I could have worked more. But then,

I got my first blow

Although my colleagues were very lovable and helpful, one of the members in management said, “Shikha, why do you need a hike now, you are pregnant? You won’t even work after this.”

This was a punch right across to my face.

I was not ill.

I was not even dying.

I was just embracing motherhood. How would that make me less eligible for a hike? I am sure a lot of women face that. And who don’t, you are damn lucky! 

Having said, I actually had to leave the company since my delivery date was near. And then began another struggle. The struggle of existence.

I was the part of those 43% highly qualified women with children who had to leave their careers to take care of their children or family responsibilities. 

Hey!! I am not talking about having a child. I am talking about the phase where you feel anxious, dependable, vulnerable to everything that’s happening around. Even though you are fascinated seeing those tiny little hands, cute little lips, or those blabbering moments. Something doesn't feel right. 

You feel weak physically and mentally. Millions of women across the globe face depression and anxiety during those times of uncertainty. However, if you are lucky enough, those moments would turn out to be blissful more than the dreadful. 

Yet for career-driven women, myself included, all this home-time turns out to be testing times filled with puzzles and cross roads, no idea where to go next. And then comes the big dilemma yet again.

Should I get back to work? 

Won't lie.

I wanted to. So, I started applying when my daughter was more than six months old. Guess what!! I cracked one. But another strike happened!! My parents thought she was little. And my world had gone upside down one more time. With a heavy heart, I had to say “No” to the team. It was really mind boggling for me.

At this point I realized, support of family is very crucial when it comes women who are driven by their passion.

Anyways, I got back into doing what I was doing. Taking care of my daughter "Aanya". Reading blogs concerning child health, noting down her milestones, bla bla bla.

Don’t get me wrong I was very happy all this time. That one and half year which I stayed at home, I was thrilled seeing my daughter grow. The first time she blabbered, her first crawling, the moment she said mamma. Or the time she took her first steps. I was a part of all that. 

They have special space in my heart and soul that I can never forget. I even remember the dress she wore while reaching every milestone. It’s not about that.

It was about the hollowness that was eating me inside. The culture and the shallow the mindset was creeping me inside. 

Then Came The Decider

Since I was out of work for more than a year. All my funds started exhausting. Although I was a single child of my parents, it was no big deal for them. But definitely it was one for me. These years made me learn that women need to be independent.

It’s okay if you can’t cook. Use your cerebral knowledge to earn an income that will help you hire someone that could do that for you. 

And if you love doing that, high five. But the decision should be yours. It should not be your family, not your husband, not even your child. Whatever you are doing, staying back home or working, it should align with your happiness. 

Why?

It’s because if you are happy, you will make the world around you even more happy. So, I decided to join a firm at my place only. It was tough for me initially because I was breastfeeding my daughter. The physical pain of not being able to breastfeed made it quite challenging for me during the first few weeks. 

But the zeal to excel in life alone made me go the extra mile to take care of my daughter. I was independent and could do a lot more besides love and care for my daughter. I was increasing celerbral opportunities again.

At this point, I want to say to all mothers who are already working or are hoping to go back to work one day. It’s okay if you are not there for your child all the time. Stop feeling guilty about it.

Start replacing quantity with quality. You will actually feel delightful from inside. You will feel more empowered in every way.

And families who are trying to stop their daughters or daughter-in-laws in the name of child benefit,

Let me share something on that note, 

My daughter is learning everyday with her grandfather and mother. The morning session goes to my parents and the evening to me. She is actually learning from two different generations and is understanding values and modernism at the same time. 

It’s okay to be a working mother. 
It’s okay to have your personal goals.

It’s okay to be imperfect. 

Make sure whatever you decide,

Work

or

No work

THE DECISION SHOULD BE YOURS!!!