If You Know the Way Broadly

I’ve been training in Brazilian Jiu-jitsu for well over a decade. Recently I received the brown belt from my instructor, Bill Stevens. The moment got me reflecting on how jiu-jitsu has changed me over the years and had an impact on everything I do, from my work to how I raise my kids. Here are a few things I’ve learned along the way that have been very significant to me.

“If you know the way broadly, you will see it in everything" - Miyamoto Musashi

Just keep showing?up.

From time to time, you’re going to get your ass kicked. When you’re a hobbyist jiu-jitsu athlete in your 40s you don’t get to win them all. You’re going to get tapped by lower belts. People who started after you are going to train more or be better athletes and pass you. Sometimes it’ll feel like you’re getting worse each session, not better. You’re going to get hurt, embarrassed, lost and you’re going to want to give up. Many do. But not you. You’re going to keep showing up. Just like you’re going to show up every day for your family, in your career and in your life because success is measured in decades and most significant thing you can do is be there for it.

You can't do it?alone

During the pandemic, I remember trying to figure out ways to train by myself in my basement gym. I made a grappling dummy and tried to do techniques on it. It was a huge waste of time. Humans are social animals, the things that we do that are really meaningful, we do with others. If you’ve never been to a jiu-jitsu class, you might think you’re fighting everyone else the whole time, but you’re not. We’re working together to share techniques and experience and build each other up. It’s a growth mindset. Jiu-jitsu will make you vulnerable and expose you. You can’t fake it or pretend, the mat is the truth. Similarly, you grow in all areas of your life through the relationships you build and the trust you earn through vulnerability and honesty. You can’t fake it with your kids or your spouse or the people who count on you at work. Ultimately, true growth emerges not from solitary effort but from the shared vulnerability and genuine connections that underpin both jiu-jitsu and life.

You’re going to have to check your?ego

When a new person starts jiu-jitsu, they tend to have one of two experiences. Many get physically dominated and can’t stand the feeling. It blows up their understanding of some dominance hierarchy and where they fit into it. This can be an unbearable assault on the ego and those people never come back. Others get physically dominated and think “what is this black magic?! I must learn it!”, those people tend to stay. If you can accept defeat with a beginner’s mind you will be able to proceed and grow, if you can’t, you won’t. This is true in any area of life. If you can’t walk into a room and be the new person with no idea what to do, then you will just stay in one room forever. It has to be ok for you to suck at stuff in the beginning, to be the worst in the room. Humble yourself before the process and then you can grow.

Technique wins

The purpose of jiu-jitsu has always been to allow a physically inferior opponent to defeat or escape a physically superior opponent in hand to hand combat. In jiu-jitsu we do this by understanding the problem space and developing techniques around that space. For example, some joints and muscle groups in the human body are much stronger than others. The hip and posterior chain are much stronger than the elbow and bicep. If I were to arm wrestle someone 100 lbs heavier than me I would be at a big disadvantage. However if I were to apply my hips against the larger opponents elbow, as you do in the arm bar, now I have a big advantage. As you progress through jiu-jitsu, you learn there are a seemingly infinite number of these asymmetric opportunities where you can get outsized results with leverage. You can apply this to the rest of your life as well. In your career you’ll notice that the people who progress the most quickly are those that can create and take advantage of high leverage opportunities. The can apply their strengths against the weaknesses of the obstacle. To do this effectively, you need to understand the problem, understand yourself and have the skill to apply yourself to the problem.

The best time to start is 20 years ago, the second best time is?today

As a midlife roller, I regularly get wrecked by people in their 20s. I wasn’t even thinking about BJJ in my 20s and I’m a little jealous of those youger folks that will accomplish more and go farther in their jiu-jitsu careers than I will. But I can’t go back, I only have today, so I do what I can with what I have. Would it have been better to start sooner? Sure. Any activity that provides compounding returns is better to start earlier like saving money, learning new skills or being kind to the people around you. All these seeds will grow larger the earlier you plan them. But you don’t have yesterday, you only have today and if you let regret stop you from starting today, you’ll have to answer for it tomorrow.

Stress inoculation

Not going to lie, starting jiu-jitsu is a little scary. Throughout most of our lives we’ve developed a conditioned stress response to people grabbing us and holding us down. You may panic, you may not be thinking straight and you’ll probably waste all your strength straining to win. You’ll do that for a while, but after a while it will become routine and the stress response will stop and only the problem solving will remain. Instead of panicing when your opponent lays hands on you, you’ll think about how to deal with the grips, estabilish a dominiant position and attempt a submission. You’ll be in problem solving mode, not fight or flight mode. You’ll take this into the rest of your life. Confrontations in all aspects of life will turn from peak stressors to problems to be solved. You’ll be more calm, inoculated to the stress of confrontation. This will be with you not only in the even that someone tries to put their hands on you but also when you’re cut off in traffic or get a passive aggressive email at work. As you immerse yourself in the stress of grappling you can begin to let it pass over you in other areas of your life.

Gratitude for your?body

As an athlete in my mid 40’s there are a lot of days at jiu-jitsu where I’m just grateful to be out there. I’m grateful for the mobility, flexibility and strength that a decade plus of training have built. I look around at a lot of my peers with weight problems, joint heath issues, cardiovascular problems and I feel grateful I can move the way I do. You get hurt in BJJ. 2 years ago I smashed collar bone competing in a tournament and have to have it surgically repaired. But it’s all good now and I can still train. Using your body for something beside carrying you from your desk to your car to your bed gives you greater insight into how it functions and a deeper connection with your physical health. So sometimes I sit on the mat after a hard roll and just feel grateful that I can be there. I know it’s not forever, but for now it’s pretty good.

We're all?animals

The most noteable symptom for me of missing too much jiu jitsu is road rage. We’ve all been there when as soon as the engine starts up, our adrenaline goes up a few points and we get more agressive than we’d ever been on foot. It’s a symptom of a kind of kind of fight or flight chimpanzee rage that we all have inside. Jiu-jitsu helps you get that out and channel that energy into something productive, leaving your inner chimp content and tired. Men especially, but women too, have an innate need to express aggression. It’s a survival trait from our earliest days as a species which, like so many others, has no real place in our modern society. However, if you try to bottle it up, it’s going to find it’s way out at innopportune times. Jiu-jitsu provides a very obvious outlet for aggression to be expressed fully in a safe and controlled environment.

For many of us jiu-jitsu is more than just a martial art, it’s a lifelong lesson in resilience, humility, and growth. It teaches us that success is measured by our willingness to embrace vulnerability, learn from defeat, and continually adapt. The principles honed on the mat extend beyond grappling, offering a framework for addressing personal and professional challenges with grace and persistence. Ultimately, the art of jiu-jitsu serves as a constant reminder that progress lies in the journey, not the destination.