You Know it is ONLY a Toe, Right?

As I grow older, I must admit I worry about the negative downside of technology, and what it appears to be doing to our society. With all of the wonderful aspects of working smarter, and having a global reach literally at our fingertips, it seems to me that we have lost something else that is very valuable. That something is the human connection. More specifically, that something is our ability to feel, and demonstrate empathy for one another.

I recently enjoyed going on my honeymoon to the beautiful Hawaiian Island of Maui. My husband and I spent wonderful time together there last February. On the second day, I waded out between two enormous black coral reefs and began to snorkel around. My husband stayed on the beach. We hadn't really spoken about it, but when I began to make my way back to shore I simply looked up and placed him in front of me and began to swim that direction. What I did not know was that as I was snorkeling, he had been walking down the beach, keeping an eye on my snorkel since I was out there without a partner. I began to realize that the coral was getting very close to my stomach, and then with sudden clarity realized I was not swimming back between the two reef beds. I was swimming directly over one and was too close to the shore to turn back. The surf was coming in and began to tumble me first forward, and then backward as it pounded into the shore. I began to panic as I first lost my snorkel and then had my mask pulled off by the waves. As I was literally washing ashore I was getting cuts and scrapes from the sharp coral and rocks and everywhere the coral touched me stung leaving welts all over my arms and legs. My husband began to run into the ocean to try to help, but I signaled him back knowing he would likely fall on the slippery rocks and then there would be two of us in the same predicament. I finally was able to crawl over the last of the coral and get to the sand. I sat there trembling for a time and then tried to stand. That was when I realized that something was wrong with my foot. It was swollen and very tender, and I thought that likely I had broken one of my toes. I am an X-ray technologist by training, as is my husband, and we both knew that the only thing they usually do is tape the broken toe to the next one, so I decided not to go to the hospital, and waste time while we were in paradise.

Fast forward a few months. My toe was quite swollen and sore, but also numb at the same time. I had eventually begun to wear dress shoes and boots and learned to adjust. I was at the doctor's office for some routine tests and asked her if I could show her my foot. I had mentioned it to her several months earlier and she concurred that broken toes really don't require much except time to heal. When I took off my shoe and sock the second time she looked shocked. She then said it should have been much better by that point and sent me to an orthopedic specialist right away.

The new patient paperwork was completed and x-rays were taken. When the image came up on the monitor in the room where I was waiting for the doctor I was stunned. This wasn't an image of a simple crack. It was fractured completely and a large part of the bone was shattered to bits. I also had pulverized one of the joints in my toe. In fact, the doctor told me that only soft tissue was holding the toe on! I snapped a photo of it and texted it to my husband, who texted back incredulous remarks. The doctor appeared and informed me that I needed surgery. Right away. So I found myself scheduled for unexpected surgery three days later.

I was reeling from this news and trying to rearrange all the details of my life around this interruption. That is when the lack of empathy and just basic humanity began to rear its ugly head. I literally checked out of the doctor's office and walked to my car, started the engine and my phone began to ring. It was the billing office for the hospital asking me for a credit card. They had already estimated the cost of the surgery and wanted me to make the estimated payment for my out of pocket expenses. I asked how they could even know they were correct in their estimation as the surgery had not even happened yet. I then said I was driving, and needed to get off of the phone.

The same woman called me back twice more that afternoon. Each time she sweetened the deal, offering discounts for immediate payment. It felt very much like dealing with a dealership to get a new car. I asked for her direct number so I could call her back once I made up my mind how to handle the unexpected $3,000.00 bill. She informed me that they had no incoming lines and so she just had to continue to call me. She told me that once seven days passed there would no longer be any offer of any discount.

I spent the rest of the afternoon trying to satisfy the requirements of the pre-op instructions. Getting a physical and attempting to get the bloodwork accomplished turned out to be almost impossible. My insurance dictated where the bloodwork had to be drawn. I drove a long distance to have it done and discovered that my doctor's office had entered the order with the wrong date so I had to leave and go get another order. That comedy of errors continued throughout the entire next day. I finally got the nurse from the hospital to agree to draw the bloodwork at the hospital the day of the surgery. I was so relieved until I arrived at the hospital and was told that all of it was an error and that I did not actually need any bloodwork drawn after all.

I was told to arrive at 6 am the morning of the surgery. This was less than 72 hours after I discovered I needed the surgery at all. That morning I was anxious and running a few minutes behind. As we neared the hospital my cell phone rang. It was just a few moments after 6 when a voice on the other end announced, "YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE HERE AT 6!" No question as to if everything was OK. No human touch whatsoever. We walked into the surgical lobby and found that we were the only people there that were not staff members. As we sat down, about 10 minutes past 6, the receptionist said, "WE WERE EXPECTING YOU AT 6!" At that point, my husband said, "Isn't it customary to ask how the patient is first?" She softened, but not much.

I was fully prepped and ready for the surgery about 45 minutes later. That left me more than an hour to wait while lying on a gurney and watching the comings and goings of the staff. More than once I could hear them speaking about other patients in unflattering ways. One staff member after another announced that the surgery was going to take place on my left foot. Which was wholly incorrect. They kept telling me that it was in the computer that way. Unsettling to say the least. I felt mildly better when my doctor actually signed my right foot to ensure they opened up the right area.

We asked if we might fill the pain medication at the hospital and were told no, that was not possible. I was barely awake when they began to ask me to get dressed and ready to go afterward. I waited in the car as my husband went into Krogers to fill the prescription after the surgery. They filled it and then announced they did not take our insurance after all. So we went to CVS. CVS had a long, long line and said it would be quite some time before they could get to it. So we went to a third location and finally got the medication. At this point, I was sitting up in the car nearly an hour as my husband ran from place to place to try to help me. We learned the next day that we could have actually filled it at the hospital. They said they had no idea why anyone would have told us differently.

Now I can say this for sure. I have given birth four times, had a knee replaced, and several other surgeries in my lifetime. That toe surgery hurt. When I woke up I was in a soft boot, with a pin placed in the toe that extended outside of my toe and moved each time I put my foot down. The pin had to stay in place for four weeks, meaning that I could not get it wet and every time I moved the toe did too. The nerves were regenerating, and it was just awful.

I was given four days of pain medication. I was told that it is because of the opioid epidemic in the country that no more pain medication would be dispensed. Tylenol would have to do.

When we went to get the dressing changed four days later we met the medical assistant who put the largest point on what I am trying to describe. She came out and called my name then turned and quickly walked back towards the exam rooms. She looked very aggravated that I could not keep up with her fast stride. When we got to the exam room she did not even look at me. Instead, she turned her back toward us and began typing on the computer. She then told me to get up on the table. My husband got the step stool for me when she turned back around. The doctor came in, and the dressing was changed and I made the next appointment on my way out. They refused to make all of my appointments at once which left me driving from one office location to another in search of open appointments with my surgeon.

I went to the second follow up appointment by myself. This was in a location much farther away. I remember thinking that at least the negative medical assistant would not be there. I was wrong.

She walked out and called my name and just like the week before disappeared in the labyrinth of hallways. She finally doubled back to find me trying to catch up to her. When we got into the exam room it was a repeat of the week before. This time I drug the step stool over to get on the table while she stood and typed on the computer. She then came over with a pair of scissors and announced she was removing the bandages so the doctor could remove my stitches. She grabbed the edge of bandage and pulled it. Hard. The wrapping pulled across the exposed edge of the pin and the pain that it generated made me nauseous. A wave washed over me and the back of my neck and hair were immediately damp. I involuntarily pulled my foot back bending my knee to my chest trying to catch my breath.

The medical assistant looked thoroughly disgusted. She then said to me, "You know it is ONLY a toe, right?"

When the doctor came in and asked how I was doing I became emotional. I shared my experience and his response impacted me in a profound way. He said that as time goes along he has noticed that the disconnect between people continues to build as technology continues to manifest itself in our lives. He said that simply put many of us today are connected to our technology and not to one another. He said, "It is like the empathy gene has been eliminated in our society today."

I have not thought of it that way before but I have to say I concur. I also am going to commit myself to doing all I can to connect in meaningful ways that are rooted in empathy for others. We must do better. It may only be a toe, but it is my toe and I have spent the better part of 55 years with it. My doctor remarked that I was fortunate that I did not cut the skin or I may very well have washed ashore with only 9 toes!

I am grateful that was not the case and am trying to learn and grow from the entire experience. As an executive coach, I plan to always keep the topic of the human touch and empathetic behavior as a foundation for everything that I do. We need to embrace all the positivity of technology but remember the greatest tool we have is our ability to express kindness and to extend a hand to our fellow humans. We are all in this together after all.