You just shouldn't use these words

I asked a carpenter to construct a corner unit to house a gas fireplace. It seemed simple enough. "It's just a corner thing for the fireplace, maybe with a few cutouts for cubbies. It shouldn't take a huge amount of time," I said. He tilted his head and looked at me with a small smile. "Have you had work like this done before?" "Well, no," I said. He nodded, the smile still on his face. "You'd be surprised how long these things can take.”

What he'd diplomatically left unsaid was that I had no idea what I was talking about. And he was right. I'd assumed that, because the job was seemingly small, it was therefore easy and quick. But how the hell would I know? I don't do carpentry work. The only time I've used a saw is... never. I've used a saw never times. And yet, here I was, telling him about his area of expertise.

I've since worked toward removing two words from any request I make from anyone: "just" and “shouldn't" (or "should").

When you use the word "just," you're signaling dismissiveness. It's trite, menial, hardly worth mentioning. "It's just a phone call away." "It's just sprinkling." "It's just a scratch." You can imagine someone using this word with an accompanying flick of the wrist; a "shoo, fly" gesture. The problem with this is two-fold: 1. You're shooing away what that person does for a living and 2. Unless you've done this work yourself (or worked closely with someone who has), you probably don’t know what it will take to complete. Which brings me to the second word.

Whenever someone says you "should" or "shouldn't" do something, how do you feel? "You should eat better." "You should save more money." "You shouldn't curse so much." These aren't suggestions; they're opinions about your actions or inactions. If you decide not to heed that advice, you are Doing It Wrong. So, when you say, "This shouldn't take much time," you're implying, "If it does take you more time than I think it should, you are Not Doing It Right." "Should" and "shouldn't" are judgments. And judgment doesn't feel good. 

By all means, tell the person what's needed. But let them tell you how long they think it will take or how difficult it might be. Their expertise is why they're doing the job and not you. 

In the meantime, I can't wait for my corner unit to be finished. Turns out it was a lot more complicated than I thought.