Are You Judgmental or Simply Exercising Your Judgment?
Catherine Chai
EGN Chair (HR Leaders) | L&D Consultant | Brand Strategist | Author of 'From Bland to Brand' | Speaker | Team & Leadership Coach
Whenever I ask teams about the group norms they value in engagement sessions, "Be open-minded and nonjudgmental" almost always tops the list. It's no surprise because, in organisations, being judgmental is often highlighted as one of the main hindering behaviours. I see it come up in all sorts of contexts—whether I'm running leadership coaching sessions or company-wide culture-cascading workshops. Even managers will ask me, "Do I sound leading and judgmental when I coach?"
It's a common concern and a good reason for it. In both work and life, there's a delicate balance between exercising good judgment and being judgmental. Sometimes, the line between the two gets fuzzy. And that's what we need to talk about.
Judgment vs. Being Judgmental
Judgment is about thinking through, weighing the evidence, and making decisions based on facts and reason
Let's start by clearing something up: judgment itself isn't the bad guy. It's essential. Judgment is about thinking through, weighing the evidence, and making decisions based on facts and reason. We all need to use judgment in our daily lives, especially if you're a leader making decisions about people, projects, and priorities. After all, a manager who can't make solid judgments isn't doing their job.
Judgmental is when we jump to conclusions—often negative—without knowing the whole picture
But being judgmental? That's a different story. Being judgmental is when we jump to conclusions—often negative—without knowing the whole picture. It's when we let bias or assumptions cloud our thinking. And while exercising judgment builds trust and respect, being judgmental destroys it.
Why Are We So Quick to Judge?
Here's the thing: our brains are wired to make snap judgments. It's part of how we navigate the world. Cognitive psychology tells us that we rely on automatic thinking—mental shortcuts that help us quickly sense things. It's efficient, but it's not always accurate. As psychologist Daniel Kahneman explains in Thinking Fast and Slow, these mental shortcuts can lead to errors, especially when judging people.
At work, this happens more often than we realise. A manager might label a team member lazy or disengaged based on one interaction. Maybe the employee wasn't as vocal in a meeting or missed a deadline. But what if there's more to the story? Perhaps they're facing personal challenges or adjusting to new responsibilities. Snap judgments can be misleading and, worse, damaging.
Think You're Great at Reading People? Watch for Blind Spots
Here's what I see sometimes: leaders who believe they're good at reading people (I'm guilty). Years of leadership experience can sharpen instincts, sure. But it can also create blind spots. You might think you have someone figured out based on your past experiences, but here's the catch—nobody is immune to bias.
There's something called the Dunning-Kruger effect, a cognitive bias that leads people to overestimate their abilities in areas they could be more skilled in. So, even if you think you're a pro at "reading" people, your instincts can still be wrong. We all have blind spots, and if we're not careful, we can misjudge people because we're too confident in our gut reactions.
The solution? Stay curious. Ask questions like, "Am I missing something here?" or "Could there be another explanation for this behaviour?" Inviting feedback from others, especially when making decisions about people, can also help keep those blind spots in check.
First Impressions: Powerful, but Not Always Right
You've probably heard the saying, "You never get a second chance to make a first impression." And while that's true, it doesn't mean first impressions should be the be-all and end-all. We all know quiet or reserved people when we first meet them (my husband is the classic example), only to find out later that they have unique insights or skills. First impressions can mislead us, yet we often cling to them.
At work, making a quick judgment based on that first impression can limit someone's potential. For example, you might decide that a new team member isn't proactive because they didn't speak up in their first meeting. But what if they're observing and trying to understand the team dynamics? Jumping to conclusions too soon can make us overlook what people bring to the table.
The key here is patience. Let first impressions inform you, but don't let them define someone's character. Give people time to show who they really are and what they can offer.
How to Tell If You're Being Judgmental
So, how do you know if you're exercising thoughtful judgment or slipping into being judgmental? Here are a few questions to help you reflect:
1) Do you often make snap judgments based on surface-level interactions?
It's easy to jump to conclusions based on what we see at first glance. For instance, I once had a colleague who quickly labelled a taxi driver as lazy because he took a long time to get out of the car and help with the luggage. It turned out the driver had a leg injury and was doing his best under the circumstances. My colleague felt so guilty once she realised the truth. This is a classic example of how snap judgments, made without understanding the whole picture, can lead us astray.
2) When you give feedback, do you focus on specific behaviours or make broad assumptions about someone's character?
Instead of saying, "He's always resistant to change," which attacks the person, consider a more constructive approach like, "He's having trouble adapting to the new SOPs. Let's explore why." By focusing on behaviour, you open up possibilities for solutions, whereas labelling someone shuts down opportunities for growth and change.
3) When someone lets you down, do you blame their personality or consider external factors that could be at play?
Imagine a team member resigns, citing burnout and a lack of work-life balance. A judgmental response might be, "They're just not resilient enough for this job." However, when the HR exit interview revealed that the real reason was their manager's lack of support and unclear expectations, the situation took on a new light. Before making judgments, one must consider what external factors might contribute to someone's actions.
4) Are you open to feedback and different perspectives, or do you quickly dismiss ideas that differ from your own?
Being judgmental often shows up when we're unwilling to listen to others' viewpoints. For example, when a leader shuts down a new idea with, "That'll never work; we've tried it before," they miss an opportunity for innovation. Openness to feedback is a sign of good judgment, while dismissal without consideration leans toward judgment.
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If you answer "yes" to some of these, it might be time to reflect on how often you're leaning toward being judgmental. The good news is that there are ways to shift from judgmentalism to better judgment.
Shifting from Judgmental to Thoughtful Judgment
1) Stay Curious
Being curious prevents us from jumping to conclusions too quickly, whether you're in a meeting or having a casual conversation.
2) Look for Context
It's easy to judge without knowing the context. Understanding someone's situation can make all the difference in how we interpret their actions.
3) Check Your Language
How we talk can help us understand others better or drive a wedge between us.
4) Watch for Biases
Biases affect how we see people and situations, often without us even realising it.
5) Focus on Behaviour, Not Character
It's important to address actions, not attack the person.
6) Foster a Feedback Culture
Creating a culture where feedback is welcomed and valued leads to better understanding and less judgment.
6) Practice Empathy
Empathy is the foundation of meaningful relationships, but it requires intentional practice.
Final Word
Being judgmental can limit your potential to connect with others, while exercising sound judgment builds stronger relationships. The difference lies in how much curiosity and compassion you bring to your decisions. As leaders, managers, or even in our personal lives, we must balance thinking critically and being open-minded.
So, next time you feel a judgment coming on, pause. Ask yourself: "Am I being judgmental, or am I exercising thoughtful judgment?" With practice, you'll find that making that distinction becomes second nature and will make all the difference in your relationships and leadership.
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Editor, Writer | I help you communicate your learning and ideas, often better than you can yourself
1 个月Is Thomas Sowell reading your posts, Catherine?
Editor, Writer | I help you communicate your learning and ideas, often better than you can yourself
1 个月2/2 Common sense tells us there is a time to hold your tongue -- and there's a time to call a spade a spade. As examples: We don't pay someone to do a job and not expect a fair degree of effort and results in return. We don't walk into a restaurant and not expect a certain quality of food and hygiene. We don't elect leaders and not expect certain standards of character, competence, and behaviour. And we don't tolerate 'chronic' dishonesty, disrespect, or lack of reciprocity from our friends. We must retain the right to call out poor standards; bad behaviour; opinions devoid of principle, evidence, or logic; lack of integrity, etc ... even more so when we see patterns of such behaviour, which may well indicate character failings. Of course, the line between being judgmental and exercising judgment can be fuzzy. (Is there any non-trivial area of life where the line is not fuzzy?) Of course, we are going to make mistakes that fall on one or the other side of this divide. But we learn much more by playing, much less by watching, and nothing by closing our eyes because we fear being called judgmental. Let's by all means be open-minded, but not so open-minded that our brains fall out. Walter M Kotschnig
Editor, Writer | I help you communicate your learning and ideas, often better than you can yourself
1 个月1/2 Thank you for writing this, Catherine. A topical discussion indeed. I think you've covered one dimension of the topic well: the angle of being judgmental based only on snap judgments, first impressions, personal biases, etc, or forgetting the difference between behaviour and character. I'd like to touch on another dimension of the topic: the right to discern, to expect fairness and reciprocity in human relationships, to comment on others' comments, to point out that patterns of behaviour (multiple similar acts) can, indeed, reflect on character and intention. We live in an era of 'toxic positivity'. We've forgotten that we need both the carrot and the stick, that what goes up must come down, that there's an ebb and flow to things, that white cannot exist without black, etc ... that, in general, polarity is inherent both in the human condition and in nature. There's no gainsaying that we (human beings) could do with more positivity, more kindness and consideration, more reciprocity and fairness. But that's not the same as saying "Always be kind", "Always be positive", "Always look on the bright side of life", and, my favourite, "Never judge".
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1 个月I recently read a devo on differences between judgement and discipline. Some excerpts of it below: Discipline is an issue of confronting observed behaviour which you have personally witnessed while judgment is an issue of character. For example, imagine that you just caught your child telling a lie. "You're a liar," you say to him. That's judgment, an attack on his character. But if you say, "Son, you just told a lie," that's discipline (holding him accountable based on an observed behaviour) Much of what we call discipline is nothing less than character assassination. We say to our disobedient child: "You're a bad boy". Such statements don't correct or edify, they tear down character and convey disapproval for the person as well as his problem. We must hold people accountable for their behaviour, but we should not denigrate their character
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1 个月It is indeed easy to be judgemental, as we take shortcuts to assess a person without understanding the context. It is when we understand each person's Strengths that we understand a person's weakness is, on the flip side, a person's strength. For example, a person may seem to be negative and somewhat complaining. If we dig deeper, we may realize that this same person's strength is Restorative.