Be You.

The compliment I receive most often is some combination of how ‘open, honest, transparent, and vulnerable, I am. People who have known me for years will say it. People who have known me for minutes will say it. It always makes me smile and warms my heart to know that my commitment to being my true self often shines through. Yet, I also have this odd twinge when I hear those kind words, so I wanted to share a few personal observations about authenticity.

Recently it dawned on me – that twinge is a deep worry. The quality I believe matters most – being our true selves in all situations - is sadly UNIQUE. If it weren’t, people wouldn’t go out of their way to comment on it, and that led me to a second realization: The majority of us just don’t feel like we can be ourselves - especially at work.

My personal experience has led me to believe that the effort is worth it.? I have worked hard to never veer from who I am, what I stand for, or what I believe in. I’ve not played politics in my life (a fact I verified with my husband just to be sure ;). It is true that the costs can feel steep at times (for me, they included getting fired twice; being belittled and screamed at by an executive peer for years; and often needing extra effort to prove my toughness because my personality was ‘soft’). I get that it’s hard. I get that it’s sometimes easier to act how you think those in power expect you to; to just tell people what they want to hear. In the heat of the moment - authenticity just might not feel like it’s worth the trouble.? But I can look in the mirror and be happy with how I’ve conducted myself - and when you view success in those terms, there’s no question in my mind that the benefits far outweigh the costs.

My challenge to you, because I know the reward, is that you ‘BE YOU’ 100% of the time - and not just for your own good. There is no one on Earth quite like you, and the world deserves the unique gifts and perspective that only you can bring.

BE YOU 100% of the time - and not just for your own good. The world deserves your unique gifts

When you look back on your career, the moments you’ll cherish most are the ones in which you followed your heart - If you want to try and ‘Be You’ more of the time, here are a few strategies that might help

• Know your core values - Mine are integrity, respect, and impact. What are yours? Write them out (no more than 5) and then commit to yourself that you won’t compromise, no matter what. Be ready to share them when others ask why you are reacting to a certain situation. A bit back when I reacted strongly to an organizational change I was able to explain that I felt that it hadn’t been done in a respectful way. This led to a healthy discussion of how org decisions could be better handled in the future.?
• Be genuinely kind and empathetic - Open your ears and your heart. Seek first to understand, then be understood. Be curious. Not only does this offer perspective, it provides a sense of control. When you open your mind, you subconsciously internalize that no one can fundamentally hurt you - and that gives you power. One technique I heard recently was to ask yourself 'What am I going to learn?’ ‘What am I controlling that I need to let go?’ before meetings and difficult conversations.
• Embrace vulnerability - By being more open with your thoughts and feelings, both professionally and personally, you will find surprising sources of support you would never know otherwise. Odds are others around you are facing similar difficulties. One example for me was that In the middle of COVID I shared the mental health challenges the Yeaneys were experiencing with my entire marketing team. I received hundreds of personal direct responses. Not only did I receive a tremendous amount of support from others, my vulnerability gave others the permission to share their own stories.
• Work against code-switching - We all do it, either consciously or subconsciously.? We alter our clothes, our hair, our language, our accent, etc.? All to better fit in, ingratiate ourselves to others, and to be heard and seen.? Be brave enough to show up more like you show up to your family and friends. This one took me years as I aimed to look and act the part of an executive in male-dominated companies. I have grown to believe I’m actually a better leader when I show up looking and talking exactly like me.?
• Establish a personal board of directors - Who are the handful of people in your life that want nothing more than for you to succeed–your biggest cheerleaders? Reach out to these people often. They will remind you of who you are.? For me one of these special people is Vicki Escarra. She was my CMO at Delta Air Lines and has been one of my biggest advocates ever since. She lifts me up and keeps me straight whenever I feel like I’m starting to veer.?

Beyond the ability of being able to look yourself in the mirror, I believe Being You leads to a better and more fulfilling career. I have had more than one example of standing up for what I believed in where the immediate results felt horrible.? But you know what? Those moments opened up new and better opportunities that I would have never have even seen, let alone landed, so in the end I was grateful.

So why not give it a go???