Are You an Introvert or an Extrovert?

In my practice of mediation, I never gave this question any thought! But I should.? I just finished reading a book entitled Quiet by Susan Cain (Broadway Books, New York 2013) and realized that our answer to this question greatly impacts absolutely everything we do in life (including negotiating disputes!) ?Introverts and extroverts work differently and their respective traits? “also shape our social roles.” (Id. at 11.)

Introverts are those that need less stimulation and tend to work more slowly and deliberately. They will focus on one task at a time and have immense powers of concentration. They are also immune to the lure of power and wealth. ( Id.)

And, importantly, introverts are not necessarily shy! Shyness is a fear of social disapproval while introversion is simply a preference for less stimulating environments! (Id. at 12.)

As Ms. Cain explains in more detail:

Introverts… may have strong social skills and enjoy parties and business meetings, but after a while wish they were home in their pajamas. They prefer to devote their social energies to close friends, colleagues, and family. They listen more than they talk, think before they speak, and often feel as if they express themselves better in writing than in conversation. They tend to dislike conflict. Many have a horror of small talk but enjoy deep discussions. (Id. at 11.)

Extroverts “… tend to tackle assignments quickly… make fast (sometimes rash) decisions and are comfortable multitasking and risk-taking. They enjoy “the thrill of the chase” for rewards like money and status. “ (Id.)

In detail:

Extroverts are the people who will add life to your dinner party and laugh generously at your jokes. They tend to be assertive, dominant, and in great need of company. Extroverts think out loud and on their feet: they prefer talking to listening, rarely find themselves at a loss for words, and occasionally blurt out things they never meant to say. They’re comfortable with conflict but not with solitude.” (Id.)?

If you have a little bit of both traits- a little bit of extroversion and a little bit of introversion- then you are ambivert. ?(Id. at 14.)

Having these definitions in mind, one can sense how the traits will affect a negotiation. Suppose there are several issues to be resolved. An introvert will work through them slowly and deliberately, one at a time preferably in writing, and the end goal of money may not be important to her. She will do a lot more listening than talking.

This negotiation style of the introvert will drive the extrovert crazy as she loves to make decisions quickly (if not rashly), take on several issues at once, and be dominant by doing a lot more talking than listening. For her, not only is the “thrill of the chase” important but so is the end goal of rewards and money. To continue to negotiate and keep the negotiations going, the extrovert will require a lot of stimulation to the dismay of the introvert who may feel overstimulated and want to withdraw to a peaceful and quiet place.

If one is not aware of these different “negotiating” styles, an impasse may be reached very quickly. Consequently, one must figure out early on in the negotiation- perhaps through the means of “small talk”- ( although hated by introverts!) whether the parties are introverts, extroverts, or ambiverts and then be prepared to negotiate with their respective social skills in mind.

…. Just something to think about.