Are You an Introvert, Extrovert, or AMBIVERT?

"I'm not anti-social, I'm pro-solitude." - popular t-shirt

I was surprised when a well-known influencer told me she's a loner. “People don’t believe it because I'm such a public person, but I find it exhausting to be 'on' all the time.”

I told her, “I can relate. I recently flew cross country to speak at a conference. By the third day, I was running on empty. I remember looking at the afternoon sessions and realizing what I really wanted was go up to my room and take a nap.”

She laughed, “You just described how I feel. What did you do?”

"Well, the little voices in my head argued for a while. The FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) voice said, ‘You didn’t fly all this way to take a nap. You can sleep on the plane home.’

The other voice said, ‘I'm tapped out. I need alone time.”

She asked, “So which voice won?”

“I ended up going back to my hotel room. And I’m glad I did. I was able to recharge and come back downstairs for the evening program, raring to go.’

She said, “But didn't you regret it? Who knows who you could have met or what you could have learned if you had gone to those extra sessions.”

“Here’s the thing. I’ve learned there are three kinds of people.

1.???Introverts who are energized by solitude.

2.????Extroverts who are energized by socialization.

3.???Ambiverts who are energized by both solitude and socialization.?

I'm an ambivert. I enjoy a balance of people time and private time. A blend of both - vs. one or the other - is essential to my personal and professional well-being.”

My colleague looked stunned. “I didn’t know ambiverts was a thing, but that’s totally me.”

“I’ve discovered entrepreneurs and creatives often fall into this category because we are both public and private people.

Our job often calls for us to work with/for people. We can be good at that and grateful for it.

We also have an equal need for alone time which is where we re-energize and innovate.”

How about you? Are you an introvert, an extrovert, or a mix of both?

Does your job require you to attend meetings, go to networking events, coordinate with coworkers? Can you do that for awhile, but then find yourself wanting to "get away?"?

Even when spending time with friends and family, do you sometimes crave space?

That doesn't make you a bad person, that makes you an ambivert.

Cheryl Strayed says, "Alone had always felt like an actual place to me, as if it weren't a state of being, but rather a room where I could retreat to be who I really was.”

From now on, don't apologize for needing "room" to be who you really are. And don't compromise it or give it up. Going SOULO once in awhile is not selfish, it's smart.

It's not indulgent to go off by yourself when you crave space, it's an investment in being your best self and doing your best work.

Replace FOMO (FEAR of Missing Out) with JOMO (JOY of Missing Out).

You're not missing anything or dissing anyone. You're filling yourself back up.

If you're going to a conference, don't force yourself to go to all the sessions because you'll feel guilty if you don't.?

Understand that "get away" time is crucial to reflecting/refueling and coming back fresh.

At home, explain to loved ones it's not that you don't want to be with "them," you simply need time and space with "you."?

Share that you're healthier and happier when you have public time and private time.

After all, as Albert Einstein said, "Solitude is painful in youth, but delicious in maturity."

From now on, remember you don't have to choose between solitude OR socialization, you can have both. It's the best of both worlds.

- - -

Sam Horn is the CEO of the Intrigue Agency. Her 3 TEDx talks and 9 books - including Tongue Fu!, POP! and Wash Post bestseller Got Your Attention? - have been presented to hundreds of clients worldwide. Intrigued? Want more? Check out Sam's YouTube Channel.