Are you in the inner circle?

A recent exchange with a LinkedIn connection got me thinking about the key to having a proper social interaction and the interpersonal relationships to achieve success and happiness in your business & personal life - not everyone will support your success & dreams in the same manner. It also reminded me of a ‘handler’ that specifically told me that I and another executive were ‘fringe’ (since we weren’t based in Minnesota) and therefore ‘outsiders’.

A major part of nearly every business model is focused on interpersonal relationships. Humans are social creatures and we constantly engage in relationships with others throughout all aspects of our lives. Having a human connection is vital and we interact with those we feel closest to.

Who are you going to let into your circle (inner circle or circle of influence)?

Most people seek social acceptance and want to be in the inner circle. There are some dangers of inner circles in business such as ‘group-think’ and resistance to change (also known as NIH syndrome – ‘Not Invented Here’ syndrome), especially if suggestions come from anyone outside of the inner circle. It’s an exclusivity that gives an allure of power and can be a symbol of stability. 

Sometimes, however, we fill our circle with too many people, especially people who do not help us grow as individuals (or as a team), and consequently we don't create time for the strong interpersonal relationships that can help us all succeed.

I like to think that I’m of a different ilk, believing in fostering collaborative and cooperative environments where the best ideas and improvements can made through the collective insights, experience and wisdom of others who have either ‘done it’ or been engaged in similar successes – not just close ‘confidants’. A common concern of some in an exclusive inner circle is that ‘alien’ or ‘outsider’ inputs may corrupt or shake up the “stability” of the inner circle. One question that comes up is ‘do you give up your individuality (integrity) for the group or do you stick to your guns at the risk of being banished from the inner circle.’ Many choose the former rather than the latter. I prefer the latter (and risk banishment), and (potentially) becoming an outsider or an outcast. The reality is, I will not surrender my integrity for anything or anyone.… when suggesting an abstract or ‘alien’ idea, I’ll ask: “have you thought about.…” Undeniably, it’s often easier to adopt the ideals & principles of an inner circle than to stand on your own morals, beliefs & experiences. In my situation, however, as a consultant / senior adviser, that’s not what I’m paid to do. I am hired to provide high-quality advice, objective analyses & unbiased (but qualified) recommendations. 

In consideration of the situation & relevant facts, knowing industry trends, with an aware of the culture, and having ascertained the leadership/management and technology dynamics allows me to produce a set of recommendations and alliances to improve the business environment (people, process, technology & culture) and get the workforce (business & IT) rowing in the right direction. Sometimes, it bucks the conventional thinking of an inner circle. However, being loyal to the facts, the truth, and my clients I take the risk of alienation. Consequently, I have a clear sense of who I am, what I stand for, who I work for, and will filter ‘inner circles’ to find the ones that clearly suit me (and my firm). Ironically, so far, it has made people want to invite me into their 'inner circle' without me ever asking for it. 

“Leadership is the capacity to influence others through inspiration, motivated by passion, generated by vision, produced by a conviction, ignited by a purpose.” ~ Myles Munroe

I see applicability in many business environments and apply the qualifying term of “circle of influence” versus the stricter ‘inner circle’ context. When coaching or mentoring an individual I encourage then to leverage the circle of influence and forge an alliance with someone with more influence to help present the idea.

We all interact with multiple people on an average day: employees, co-workers, parents, spouses, friends, children – these are great relationships to have, but who else do you interact with on a weekly or monthly basis? Where are they in the context of the inner circle and influence?

Who is truly inside or outside our circle of influence?

Our inner circles are filled with friends, cohorts, key staff, co-workers / confidants, possibly a business leader, and certainly family, who (as much as possible) make us feel confident. Inherent and/or earned trust and acceptance abounds; however, if our circle has too many people (especially the wrong people), our growth stagnates and we stop growing as leaders / individuals. We tend to spend time on people who are not influencing us positively, and on people who are not giving us the energy we are giving them. 

Who that you consider in your circle can help make you a better person?

The right approach with your inner circle / circle of influence is to think of them as a team. If you want success, you want the best players on your team, so you have the best chance of success. The team doesn’t have to be a set number, but you should restrict the number of people within your circle. Think beneficial influence & positivity - who makes you better in the areas that you need it most.

Who aligns with my values and aspirations and will aid you in the journey? 

This question is the likely the most important. You don’t want negativity or leeches that drain you – so who is best for you; who aligns with your values; who motivates / inspires you; who’s investing in a give-and-take for mutual benefit? As a servant leader and a big part of my passion is factoring-in whether I believe I can provide mutual value to this person and/or the team. It's not that I need to help everyone, but rather to have a balanced and mutually beneficial relationship. 

 No time for coulda, woulda, shoulda…

Your circle of influence should not just about you and what you bring to the table. A relationship is effective because that person is filling a need, and, in turn, you are filling in a need for that person as well. Relationships are considered a two-way street, but they should be omni-directional – requiring you to think broadly and narrowly simultaneously.

I’ve seen many peers and staff struggle with creating positive interpersonal relationships. A way to address this would be to focus on what & who are; who & what you support / believe in; and, to understand that leaving people outside of your ‘inner’ circle of influence is okay. Your circle should be composed of people who care about you, your goals, and can be helpful in times of need – not just taking, but rather giving.

I’d love to hear your opinion on this…... Contact me here on LinkedIn, by email: [email protected], by phone at: +1 207.200.4433, or by way of our company website.