Are you “In-the-box”?
Do you know what it means to have an INWARD vs. an OUTWARD mindset??
If you’re a leader and haven’t read, Leadership & Self Deception by the The Arbinger Institute , then you’re missing out on one of the top 5 leadership books of all time.
To illustrate what it means to be “in-the-box,” let’s say you're on the freeway and a car puts its blinker to change into your lane, what do you do? More importantly, what are the thoughts that went through your mind?
You probably don't immediately know, as your internal thought process is mostly subconscious. If that's you, pay attention on the freeway today and become aware.
Those with an INWARD mindset probably didn't let the car over. They may even speed up to not let them in.?
When I have an INWARD mindset, I turn inward and elevate my needs over others. I care more about myself.? When I have an OUTWARD mindset, I turn outward or away from my own selfish desires and seek to compassionately help others.
Rather than judge either one for their actions, let’s become aware of what was happening in the brain of each.
To justify their actions, the brain of the OUTWARD mindset individual needs to make the wishes of the other person less important than their own. They may think a thought like, "I need to get to work." But then even more subconsciously they have another thought like, “…and my need to get where I need to go is more important.”
That may sound absurd, but it's true. If you get down to the core of why they didn't let them in, it's some form of, “what I want is more important.”
The book provides a metaphor for naming this inward mindset as being “In the box.”? I’m “in the box” when I’m actively resisting what the humanity of others calls me to do for them. When in the box, to help them not feel rude or like a "bad" person, the INWARD’s brain detaches the humanistic aspect of the other person so they think, "I didn’t let that “CAR” in, rather than that “PERSON". We find ways to justify or excuse ourselves and instead find way to blame others.
Whereas an OUTWARD?mindset?sees others as an important person with feelings and aspirations, just like me. So you turn out in compassion vs. inward to your personal and usually selfish desires.?
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You get OUT of the box and to an OUTWARD mindset by seeing the humanity in others.? We start by acknowledging the wants, needs, hopes and concerns of others and seeing them as just as legitimate as our own.
The leaders people choose to follow are the leaders who are out of the box.? Leadership efficacy isn't solely about skills and strategies, it’s our ability to authentically connect with others.
When on a team, INWARD mindsets think, “What can the team do for me?” OUTWARDs think, “How can I help others?” Inwards: "I want others to see my value" Outwards: "I want to add value" When your team failed to deliver a project, INWARD or In-the-box thinking involves assigning blame and considering only what your team needs to do for you, not their wants, needs and challenges.
INWARDS behaviors protect and advance themselves. OUTWARDS behaviors advance the collective desired result - the greater good over personal gain.
When they have the option of choosing to be offended, OUTWARDs move from critical to compassionate by thinking, “I wonder what the other person's experiences were that led them to choose that…since they’re doing the best their brain knows how.” Most of us live with an INWARD mindset and don't realize it. We haven't yet chosen to be deliberate in how we think.? You can recognize that you're in the box if your focus is only on yourself, instead of on those around you.
I invite you to start becoming aware of your inward and outward mindsets. Self-awareness comes before self-management.? How else have you seen inward and outward mindsets show up in your life??
Joe Nabrotzky inspires people to lead themselves and their teams - from the boardroom to the family room.?He is a Co-Founder and Managing Partner at Global Leader Group, providing transformational experiences to grow individuals and scale organizations.?
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