“You are imperfect, you are wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.”

You see, this St Patrick's Day, I am not in the pub in the village skulling pints in honour of our erstwhile patron saint. This is the first year in over forty years that I am doing so with a band of brothers and sisters or one of the various tribes I was lucky to be part of.

But sure, isn't that great; you are looking after yourself and taking care and hopefully building a new approach to all things food and drink. Well, you see, it isn't. It's not that I don't want to do it. I can't do it because I made a decision to have my stomach reduced to the size of a banana - not much space there for a rake of pints of the black stuff. Be that as it may, a personality change or a brain rewiring was going along with it, and that is where the hard rub is - the psychological demons are playing havoc hence the radio silence in the last few months. I can cut it any which way I like I am addicted, and I have an addictive personality, and that brings, as part of its make-up, an enormous pull towards isolating, towards manipulation, towards deceit, and always taking the easy option.

For me, that means wallowing away and feeling sorry for myself. Yep, instead of engaging the tremendous ready support around me, especially from my family, close friends, and many others I barely know. It is also about working the angle not to eat high calories food, especially sugar-based food and it's like they are my drug of choice as it calls out for me like the Sirens did for lost sailors.

So, as my saying goes - falling down doesn't matter so long as you get up. I am heading towards that getting up again piece, and I am not keeping count. My expectation, as it has been before, was to have all the ducks in a row under a blue moon and a sky populated with pigs - no pressure really.

Then I was talking to somebody close to me who was having their little struggles, and I remember the above quote from Brene Brown and had it encapsulates me, in fact, all of us - if it doesn't apply to you, fine.

The second piece of good fortune was I had purchased some wristbands for a project I am doing and low and behold, I found the one pictured above and thought, WOW!

So I am me, with flaws, imperfections and all manner of fucked up thinking and mental struggles from time. I am perfectly imperfect and I need to get with accepting that. I need to think about the good I do each day and let go of the unrealistic perfectionist reach I always have.

I am saying this out loud in case it helps you, you see all that matters is you do the best you can each day whatever the circumstances - never give up, never run away, slow things to see how you can do better. For me, how lucky I am this St Patrick's Day - a fantastic family; loyal and true friends; working for an organisation I care deeply about and where I believe I can make a real difference with others; a programme of study albeit not for the faint-hearted as part of my mega life long learning plan; and so much else to excite and intrigue me.

You see, it's the luck of the Irish - Happy Paddy's Day wherever you are.

All views are, of course, my own and not attributable to any employment, engagement or activity my family or I have been previously involved in

#familyandfriends #dontisolate #stpatricksday #foodaddict #headbanger