YOU ARE ‘HOW’ YOU EAT

We live in a world where we are constantly being evaluated and judged by others, be it in business situations or social settings. As we know by now, observing the right etiquette while we go about our day to day life is a courtesy that we extend to the others who we meet or come in contact with. Based on how we conduct ourselves in various situations, people are quick to make impressions of us, which goes on to help people assess our personality.

These impressions become even more important when we are meeting someone new or being considered for a job. Many employers like to conduct interviews over lunch or dinner. Or we may be invited to join a business lunch or dinner where important decisions are to be taken, which may necessitate wining and dining with management, foreign collaborators of the company we work for and of course, our colleagues. The way we eat or the etiquette we display while we dine out, contributes to the impression that they make of us and gives them an insight into our personality. And the last thing that we would want would be to embarrass ourselves or make our prospective employer, or boss or colleagues uncomfortable, due to lack of proper etiquette or our sloppy table manners.

With manners involving eating being so important, let us discuss how we can conduct ourselves gracefully at a business-related lunch or dinner. After all, we are not there for the food, we are there for the business!!

1.      The guests can take a seat first: With hospitality being ingrained in us Indians, we follow the principle of “Atithi Devo Bhava” meaning “Guest is equivalent to God”. This extends to business as well. So, while in some cultures it is expected that the host takes the lead to be seated first, and guests follow through, in India, we follow the opposite. When it comes to placing the order, you as a guest, will always be asked for your preference first, and it is perfectly alright for you to mention what you would like to eat. In the event that you may need some clarification and do consult the server, it is best not to ask too many questions or keep changing your order as you may appear to be indecisive. 

In some countries, the host takes the lead and is expected to be seated before the guest, so it is best to familiarise yourself with the right etiquette well in advance if you are a visitor to another country.

2.      Is ordering Alcohol and lavish food a good idea?: As a general rule, it is advisable not to consume alcohol at lunch. 

As a host, it is your prerogative to offer your guest the choice to have an alcoholic beverage. As a guest, you need to keep two things in mind – one, if the host is a non-drinker, politely decline the offer. Two, if the host is a drinker and insists on serving an alcoholic beverage, you can go by his choice, but you must ensure that it is a drink that you can hold gracefully.   

The same goes for the food too. As a guest, you will be asked for your choice when it comes to the food and you must state your preference, while paying attention to what your host chooses to order. This will give you a somewhat clear picture of what is on your host’s mind - an appetizer or a soup or to start directly with the main course. 

Exotic foods like crabs or lobsters are best saved for another day, as it is considered rude to order food that is priced too high. 

3.      Know your food: Being aware of foods that give you an uncomfortable feeling is always a good idea. It is advisable to avoid food that does not suit you, or is too spicy or highly acidic, as it can make you burp. Also, it is best to avoid strong smelling foods like raw onions and raddish as they can leave you with bad breath for hours.

4.      Order food that is easy to eat: You should settle for food that you can handle comfortably with cutlery. It is embarrassing to deal with gravy spilling on your clothes or being awkward while trying to navigate through the meal with the cutlery. For example if you are not adept at using a fork while eating noodles or fish, you must refrain from ordering these foods as it can draw unwanted attention towards you and spoil your chances of making the right impression. 

5.      Know your alcohol limit:  Its best not to drink alcohol at a business meeting, and most definitely not during the day. In case you choose to consume alcohol, be watchful of how much you drink, as you run the risk of letting your guard down and saying something that you may regret, at a later date. Pace your drink in such a way that you drink more slowly than your host.                                                                                                                                              In case you order a mocktail with garnishes that are edible, it is acceptable to eat them. Make sure that the only item left at the end in your glass is the straw. The tiny paper umbrellas and stirrers can be kept on the table or on the side plate.                                                                                                                                                                                        

6.      Know your cutlery: Familiarise yourself with the cutlery in your place setting. Usually, it is only a fork, tablespoon and knife that is used. But in restaurants offering a fine dine experience, or speciality restaurants there could be two or three varieties of forks and spoons on either side of the place setting, to be used for different meal courses.                                                                                                            

In case you are not aware of which cutlery to use for which course, the standard rule is to begin with the cutlery that is the farthest from your plate, on either side, and through the different courses, move towards the centre of your place setting.  It is inappropriate to rest your used cutlery on the table, it should always be placed on your plate.                                                                                                                                              

7.      Pass food to the right: You must never reach out across the table for anything, instead, request the person seated nearest to where the dish is placed, to pass it to you. Food should be passed in a counter-clockwise flow, that is, from your right side. Also, salt and pepper shakers, should be passed together. When serving yourself on your plate, the right way is to use the serving spoon only and not the cutlery that is meant for you to eat with.                                                         

8.      Display impeccable table manners:                                                     

-      Do not place your handbag or laptop bag on the table. It can sit on an empty chair at the table, behind you as you sit on your chair, or if it is small enough, it can be placed on your lap, with a napkin being placed over it comfortably. Avoid slinging your bag over the back of your chair or keeping it on the floor. 

-         Turn off your cell phone before sitting down so that you are not tempted to peep into it, or to take calls or text.

-         Do not talk with food in your mouth. Even if you are asked a question, wait till you swallow the food and then reply.

-         Avoid sipping your drink while you have food in your mouth. It is best to swallow the food first and then drink.

-         You must taste the food before you add salt or other seasoning. To a prospective employer or a business contact, this could show signs of a person who is impulsive or acts without knowing facts.

-         Cut food into one or two bites at a time. Do not cut up all the food at once. 

-         Do not blow on your food to cool it off. It could give a message that you are impatient. 

-         Some foods are easier when eaten with fingers. It is best to observe the others at the table and follow through.

-         Do not burp or chew your food noisily.

-         Do not use your cutlery to point at anything or anyone.

-         If you spill something on the table or drop your cutlery, signal one of the waiters for assistance. 

-         Elbows must be kept off the table, while you are eating. It is okay to have elbows on the table between courses or after the meal, when the table has been cleared.

-         Never use a dental floss or toothpick at the table.

-         Ladies must refresh their lipstick or make up in the restroom and not at the table.

9. Know your napkin etiquette:

-         The napkin must always be placed on the lap. Men must refrain from tucking the napkin into the collar of their shirts.

-         Use the napkin in between the meal to blot or pat, never to wipe your lips.

-         When leaving the table temporarily to take an urgent call or a washroom break, put your napkin on your chair.

-         After the meal, partially fold your napkin and place it to the left of your plate.

-         If an after-meal coffee is served, let the napkin remain on your lap till you finish.

Dining out can be a huge give away of your personality and many companies make it a part of the recruitment process when deciding on whether or not to hire you. The idea of inviting you out to a business lunch or dinner is not only to have a chat with you but to get an idea of how well you can hold conversation, whether or not you will fit in socially with your team and your clients and if you can navigate yourself easily through it.  It is best to know the right set of etiquette and manners so that you not only make the people with you comfortable but also avoid drawing negative attention towards yourself, so that your personality and what you speak can help you leave an impactful impression.

 Shalini Mehta                                                                                             

'Courtesy & Carriage’