If You Have Your Unofficial PhD in Narcissistic Abuse...

Every week, I speak to some incredibly inspiring women. Educated, high-achieving and hardworking.

99.9% of them have never had a healthy intimate relationship.

And 99.9% of them have obtained their unofficial PhD in narcissistic abuse via countless hours, weeks and months of Googling and Youtubing anything and everything on pathological behavior.

Many of these women (I was one, too) are told by well-intentioned therapists that to fix this problem, they need to learn all the warning signs of a narcissist.

And yet even after YEARS (sometimes DECADES) of therapy and processing their feelings, and analyzing their past and speaking of their Ex’s or a parent’s pathological behavior…they still feel STUCK.

They still attract unavailable men (or someone worse than their Ex).

They still secretly feel like something’s wrong with them.

They still feel isolated or lonely or avoid dating because they don’t trust their own judgment or other people.

And instead bury themselves in work or a few glasses of wine every day to avoid their feelings.

So, if you’re told by a well-meaning therapist, you just need to learn all the signs of a narcissist…and then you’ll be good..

Why are you still STUCK?

???? Because you’re feeding your hypervigilance (and sometimes trauma bond) by analyzing your Ex’s pathological behavior and focusing on what you DON’T WANT.

Every time you consume another piece of research it’s doing a couple of things:

1. Activating the same parts in your brain and body that were activated by your Ex. Research doesn’t actually RETRAIN your subconscious mind for better relationships or heal your OWN trauma…which is the root culprit of why you attract these types of people to begin with.

2. It keeps your focus OUTSIDE of yourself. Again, hypervigilance. And often blaming the downfall of a relationship on someone else absolves us from taking responsibility for our own behavior that co-created the sh*t show.

NOW. Is research all bad? NO. It can be incredibly helpful when waking up to the realization that your partner is not healthy.

It can bring you validation that it’s not just you, that’s the crazy person. It can help you DECIDE to leave and finally do the healing you’ve been avoiding you whole life.

But if you’ve been out of your marriage or any type of narcissistic relationship for a while…and you continue to focus on pathological behavior as some kind of insurance policy to protect you, you’re really operating out of FEAR.

And when you operate from FEAR in ANY AREA OF YOUR LIFE…specifically dating, it’s almost a guarantee that you’ll make poor choices that keep you stuck.

Like dismissing red flags. Or justifying why it’s too dangerous to online date. Or not the right time.

You might even be one who only allows herself to go on 1-2 dates with someone before immediately labeling him a narcissist. Because that’s the filter you live your life from.

Out of the hundreds of women I’ve worked with throughout the years, every single one who continuously focused on FEARING another Mr. Wrong fell into 2 camps:

1. Avoiding dating altogether (but deeply longing for a healthy partner).

2. Attracting another narcissist, commitment-phobe or emotionally unavailable man. Basically, attracting a man ALSO LIVING IN FEAR.

???? BECAUSE YOU ATTRACT WHAT YOU ARE, NOT WHAT YOU WANT.

And if you WANT a healthy partner in the future… YOU have to BE, live, breathe, eat, sleep as the woman who’s an energetic match for that.

Do you need to keep researching narcissism to do this? HELL NO.

Does this mean you need to get more pedicures and drink green tea to “love yourself”? NO.

It means healing your trauma and your subconscious beliefs about what love looks like.

When you do this properly, you actually see your Ex and any difficult, triggering people in your life as a GIFT. As a catalyst for your own healing. Not a thorn in your side.

You believe down to your CELLS that everything is RIGHT with you. Instead of living in fear of what could go wrong… you live in LOVE every single DAY.

And when you retrain your brain, your subconscious mind and your body and emotions OUT of fear (trauma programming) and into LOVE, acceptance, joy, inner peace, confidence and emotional freedom, you always make healthier choices in relationships.

And most importantly you’re going to be a match for a man who operates from LOVE…not fear.

Helping high achieving, professional women struggling with codependency, people-pleasing, complex trauma and repeatedly attracting unavailable men is the sole focus of my practice.

We combine research-backed methods for healing trauma (somatic therapy) and coaching to help you move forward (not stay stuck) and BE the woman you’re meant to be after narcissistic abuse.

If you’re ready to step into a brand new life and ultimately welcome in the love of your life, book a free breakthrough call and we'll see if we can help you overcome the gap talk therapy hasn't been able to touch. www.bethanydotson.com/talk