You Have The Right To Be Accepted As You Are

5th in a 10 part series

Have you looked at your Facebook account lately?  I recently made the mistake of opening my Facebook account shortly after meditating.  Let’s just say that was not the smartest thing I’ve ever done.  What hit me in the face was yet another person ranting about someone else’s post that she disagreed with.  It totally took away my Zen.

In today’s world the media has us all up in arms over the political race and all the divisiveness that carries.  Don’t worry, this article is not about politics.  It’s about how people tend to treat each other.  And more importantly it’s about how we treat ourselves.  It seems on social media lately there is a free for all of tear downs and eye scratching that comes out of nowhere because one person dared to express an opinion. 

In my on-going series on the Bill of Rights for people who are not comfortable showing their authenticity, this subject fits right into my next topic. 

From The (Secretly) Authentic Person’s New Bill of Rights

      4)   You have the right to be accepted as you are.  You are beautiful and you           can no longer hide it.

By beauty I don’t refer only to physical beauty.  We all have an inner beauty that sometimes gets missed.  We have a tendency to hide it out of fear of what others might say.  The key word there is “might”.  On social media it’s pretty much a given.  It doesn’t matter what your opinion you can always find someone brewing for a fight and willing to tell you all the reasons you don’t know what you’re talking about.  On the other hand we sometimes worry needlessly about what other people might say and nothing gets said. 

Unfortunately, society and family tend to condition us from a very young age.  We should fit into a certain mold.  We should think, act, speak, live a certain way.  We invest so much time and energy making sure we fit into that mold that it’s hard to know who we really are.  When it comes right down to it, if asked, we could probably not define where it came from and why it’s important. 

How often have you wanted to voice your opinion on something and held back?  You held back because you weren’t sure how your opinion would be received.  You have this idea of what people want from you and you don’t want to disappoint.  But in the end, who are you disappointing if you hold back?  Is it a parent who molded you into what she thought would make her look like a good Mom?  Is it a church doctrine that conditioned you to act a certain way or you would go to hell?  Is it media advertisements telling you how you need to use their products in order to be acceptable? Or is it you?

Here’s the point – you have an opinion, you have a way that you prefer to express yourself, you enjoy certain things, you may not agree with your Mom’s way or your church’s way of doing things.  And, guess what – that’s perfectly OK.  Because you are a unique individual and if someone else doesn’t agree with your opinion or your way of doing things, that’s about them.  It has nothing to do with you.    

So that’s great information to have, Julie but how do you get comfortable with putting it into practice?

I agree, it’s not as easy as it sounds.  Like anything else new, it will take practice.  Start with baby steps.  Choose one person in your life who has expectations that you can’t or don’t want to fulfill.  As an example, let’s say your significant other doesn’t like a particular outfit you love to wear.  Whenever you wear it, this person makes a derogatory comment.  How do you respond?  Do you, a) go and change to something more acceptable to this person; b) smile on the outside but doubt yourself on the inside and wear it anyway, spending the rest of the day wondering what others are thinking; or c) thank the person for their opinion, tell them you like it and wear it with pride?

If you chose option c), good for you.  You don’t have to agree with other people on everything and they don’t have to like everything you do.  If you feel good wearing this piece of clothing, that’s what counts.  When you feel good you look good and you exhibit natural confidence.

If you chose option b), this will take some work.  This is where self talk comes in handy.  Now you may be used to hearing negative comments inside your head.  Those little whispers where you tear yourself down on a regular basis have become common place.   I’m not referring to that kind of self talk.  In this case, I mean positive self talk.  That in itself may take some practice but you can do it.

Remind yourself why you bought the garment in the first place.  You like it, right?  If you still like it and you like the way it looks on you, that counts for more than what others might be thinking.  Remember, if they don’t agree with your opinion, that’s about them.  They may still be mired in the mold they were conditioned to fit. 

Every time you catch yourself wondering what other people are thinking, remind yourself they are not you and they don’t have to like what you like.  Practice this on a regular basis.  Consistently practice and one day you’ll realize you don’t need that reminder anymore.

If you chose option a), fight the urge to give in.  It may be your comfort zone to keep the peace.  This person may be pushing other buttons in your life.  If you’re happy with the way things are that’s great.  But the fact you’re reading this could be an indication that you’re not completely on board.  It’s time to stand up for yourself.  When the inevitable comment comes, stand your ground.  Even if you go to option b) wear it anyway and wonder about what others are thinking, that’s better than just giving in based on another person’s opinion.  Again, it’s about baby steps.  You won’t jump from completely uncomfortable to comfortable over night. 

Of course this is a simple explanation and simplified instructions.  You’re able to exhibit confidence in many areas of your life.  You’re a superstar at work.  When it comes to you, the main thing is that you learn to value your opinion as much as or more than someone else’s opinion of you.  You are the only one who can live your life.  You might as well enjoy it.

This Weeks Challenge:

Do some writing, do some thinking, ask a trusted friend – whatever method works best for you.  Focus in on how you allow someone else to overshadow your opinion in your personal life.  Are you everyone’s greatest advocate?     When have you advocated for yourself lately?  Practice standing up for your opinion and see what happens. 

Once you’ve met your challenge, leave a comment.  I’d love to hear how it’s going.

See you next week.

 Julie Holly’s clients are professionally successful but personally still in hiding.   They have not yet found the confidence to risk showing the world who they really are.  As her client, Julie will use your experiences to shed light on your natural resilience and your core inner strength.  She will then support your growth as you reinvent yourself and create the life you truly want. Contact Julie for a no pressure introductory conversation  at 804-246-1509 or [email protected].