"You have nothing"

Actually, what my then four-year-old nephew said was ‘Auntie Lollipops (aka Me), now that Uncle Chris is dead, you have nothing”.

It was Christmas 2015, and I was 6 months into a most unexpected and definitely unwanted journey.

My life had spectacularly imploded.

I had lost my husband, my health & my career in quick succession, my life as I knew it, was in pieces. Everything I had worked hard to achieve and all my dreams for the future, gone in a matter of weeks.

I felt like I was living in some kind of parallel universe to the one everyone else was living in. I was overwhelmed, lost, uncertain of what, or how to get back to the ‘comfort’ of the universe I hadn’t made the choice to leave. I did indeed feel like I had nothing.

My nephew kindly offered to ‘look after me for 100 days’, long time if you’re four years old, but when you’re 42, that wasn’t going to get me much passed March!

I had to stop the world from spinning so fast around me. My mind was in a washing machine mega spin cycle already, without any more pressure from the world beyond.

I knew I had to seek out guaranteed sunshine. Only then, would I allow myself the time to rest, the space to breathe., and everyone else’s voices be quiet so I could hear my own. I desperately needed to hear my own, and reconnect with who I was and what was important to me now.

I found sunshine, 5,000 miles away, on an island, ironically called ‘The Happy Island’ by the locals. Although I did nothing to support that nickname, as I bawled my eyes out pondering what was left of my life while sitting on a sun lounger.

Each day, I would take myself off to the hotel's private island and resume my position staring out across the ocean & switch continuously between reading, crying, writing down thoughts as they came to me.

Little by little, I began to ask myself more questions & begin to put the pieces of my life together again, in the only way I believed I knew how by beginning to create a plan!

At the Arikok National Park, along with all of the thousands of other effigies tourists & locals alike had left as symbols of hope, I added my own, making a commitment to myself to bridge the gap from where I was, to where I wanted to be. “Project Me” and more importantly ‘Bridging the Gap’ was born on that beach, in Aruba, in May 2016.

Roll forward 4 years, and I have moved 90 miles around the M25, bought a house in a town I didn’t know, renovated that house into a home, made friendships far deeper than I ever had before, and retrained & set up a business I am passionate about and offers a careful balance of work and ‘me-time’.

Has it been easy? No.

Have I wanted to give up? Many times.

Have I made this journey entirely alone? No.

People have come in and out of my life & lifted me, supported me in achieving my vision. I have reached out for inspiration from those whose beliefs & ideals struck a chord and sought motivation from those who have trodden the path before me. I have drawn on the support of coaches to help me shine the light on new possibilities within me I had yet to uncover.

I am passionate about offering people space where they can understand, as it is in your understanding, so it is you can find your voice, and with that voice begin to connect with yourself & the world again. I help others benefit from the learnings I have made from the suffering I have endured, so their suffering maybe just that little bit more sufferable.

The essence of my business reflects this, and more importantly how I can help my clients. It is founded on 3 core pillars I recognized were important to my journey. To offer my clients inspiration & motivation to help bridge the gap from where they are, to where they want to be, so they too can discover the magic that radiates from within, their own inner sunshine and step into life after loss feeling confident and in control

It is more than simply a business, it is a community, a community of individuals who have lost and are grieving who are choosing to say yes to life in spite of everything, and are stepping out of the shadows into the sunshine, even if on sometimes they have to fake it until they make it. Mental momentum is always a challenge when you feel everything is on you, & the extreme exhaustion that comes hand in hand with widowhood is dragging you back. But, drawing on the support of others is the difference that makes the difference, for me, as I know it is for others in my community.

Becoming a widow, before your time, is one of the most overwhelming, isolating, anxiety-ridden experiences you can have, but it need not be done alone. Together is, most definitely, better. You are always more than nothing and that is enough to start.