You have no idea...

As a fresh-faced scamp, skipping away from my graduation ceremony ready to take on the working world after completing my degree, I had all these perceptions of how I needed to act, behaviours I should imitate and generally what to expect. I was wrong about pretty much everything. I'm still only 25 so I've got a long way to go, but my gosh have these last few years taught me some invaluable lessons.

If I could give my former, more naive self some advice or share some wisdom, it'd be this:

Don't be scared.

That weird hierarchal discomfort you expected in the corporate world isn’t actually ‘the norm' in most cases. People are generally quite nice.

Before I experienced the working world, I always dreaded the thought of some suited and booted ego-maniac slinging their legs up onto a desk and barking orders at me. Not really sure where that perception came from. I can only assume films about shouty men on Wall Street in the 80's and maybe Meryl Streep in The Devil Wears Prada. Wherever the idea came from, you don’t need to cower around someone just because they’re more senior than you. The real world isn't like that.

Things go wrong. The world doesn't end.

You cannot control everything. You won’t get it right every time. Sometimes, it will be your fault and sometimes it won’t. Either way, it’s fine. Mistakes are how we learn. Every person around you has made mistakes or hasn’t quite got it right somewhere along the line, probably even more catastrophic than the thing that’s going wrong for you right now.

If something does go wrong, it’s only human to have a reaction. Take time to understand your reactions, why you feel the way you do when something goes wrong and try to think logically about it. This can be hard, but it’s important. Think, what advice would you give to a friend in the same situation? Reaching out to friends, loved ones and even colleagues in these times can help you to see another perspective of not just the situation, but yourself.

No one has a clue.

In more gentle terms, adults are just big children. For some reason, I always thought I'd have everything together by this age. Barely anyone does. We’re always learning. No matter who you are or how much experience you've had, there's always something new to be taught.

This is important (and wonderful) because the amount of pressure I used to put on myself to compete with and impress those that I perceived to be amazingly experienced and knowledgable people, was simply not needed. Actually, it seems that when you're honest about inexperience and can openly discuss where your knowledge and skillset fall short, people respect that. These discussions help you grow both personally and professionally.

Get over yourself. Ask for help.

No, it isn’t embarrassing and you usually won’t get sacked for not knowing something/not having enough time or resource. Actually, by not asking for help you'll probably make more mistakes than if you sought help and that's going to be far more embarrassing.

You can’t do everything and you’re going to burn yourself out if you try. This is why teams exist: variation in skill, experience, knowledge, personality and resource of time. You can’t know everything, have every skill or the time to meet every deadline single-handedly.

The people around you could have the key to solving what you perceive as a huge problem in a matter of seconds, and chances are they might be able to provide you with an answer to your question. Don't try to figure it out yourself. Ask.

Choose contentment over money.

Money is nice, so are perks like office parties, a tasty pension, maybe a discount on a gym membership or some other fancy little bribes employers offer. But if you don’t care about your work, the organisation you work for, the work you’re producing or the industry you’re in, then I suggest that you look into a new role or field.

I learnt this lesson quite early on, taking a reasonably secure, well-paid position at an insurance company. The offices were snazzy, I got a load of perks and a decent wage straight out of uni. The company even organised a yearly festival with D-list pop stars and free booze. But... I hated it. I cannot explain how unhappy I was day-to-day. The role had absolutely nothing to do with my degree or anything I'd ever wanted to do in life. I left after three months.

Fulfilment in your working life is incredibly important. Finding a purpose in your every day has a profound effect on every other part of your life. Money and 'things' are not the be-all-and-end-all.

You can.

Don’t listen to people who tell you that you “can’t”. For a while, I stopped believing I could when other people told me I couldn’t. "You can't...", "You're not good at...", "You will never...". The negative message was the only thing I could hear. I'd heard the positive message indirectly so many times, but the direct negativity won and my normally quite optimistic self was left confused and pessimistic.

When you face this sort of pessimism, it’s time to put yourself in an environment more suited to you, where you will thrive and optimism is celebrated. It took me too long to recognise that, but I have learnt from it. You will find a place that is right for you, that’ll support and encourage you to flourish and do great things for your confidence. Just remember, you can!

Only you know you. 

No one can tell you who you are. Your personality and behaviours can vary hour-to-hour, day-to-day. They very commonly depend on your environment, the people around you and the events (big or small) going on in your life. We’re humans after all. 

I listened to and believed one horribly unfounded perception of myself for too long, told to me by somebody who really didn't know me very well at all. I saw myself start to become the embodiment of that perception after a lot of wearing down and losing willingness to fight back. The weakness became acceptance. It took almost hating the person I felt I'd become, with no confidence or gusto that 'old me' exuded, to kick back and prove to myself if no one else that I know I can do great things and I will. Being in-touch with and believing in yourself is imperative if you're going to be happy or successful in life, however you might measure either of those things.

I'm a huge fan of Alain De Botton and he talks a lot about emotional education, learning to like oneself and gain confidence in our own abilities. Have a gander at some of his work if you have time. He runs something called 'The School of Life'. Their YouTube channel hosts videos that are pretty interesting and easily digestible around the subject.