But, you have everything you ever wanted...?

“But, you have everything!”

“Yep, everything I ever wanted. Aaaannnd, now I am not so sure.”

How many times have busy working parents felt like this?

A lot, I’d bet.

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You have achieved so much in your career.

You have the family, the house, the car, the relationship.

On the surface, you have it all.

So, why are you feeling so exhausted? After decades of working hard on your career, you wonder if you'd rather go and work on a checkout so you could find some peace in your mind, and focus on your family, rather than being pulled in every direction.

You want to get off the wheel, but you’ve built up a good income and a lifestyle that demands it. What would you be if you weren't this?

A horrible, scary, stuck, feeling – unable to carry on, but no choice.

That was me too!

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After 20 years dreaming of promotion after promotion, and achieving them, I burst into tears when my line manager told me a male colleague was being promoted before me.

She thought I was upset that it wasn’t me being promoted first.

She was so wrong! ?

Eventually I explained, through the tears, that I was relieved as I couldn’t take any more. I didn't want to BE anymore, or even sometimes BE HERE anymore.

And, in that moment she finally understood that her ambitious, high performing-high potential, team member could only think about trying to survive from day to day.

The response…. “We took too long to get that extra resource in your team didn’t we.”

The clues had been there.

I wasn’t dreaming of being promoted anymore.

If anything, I was dreaming of working in Morrisons, walking to work and finishing in time to do the school run and make dinner for my family.

Craving a less demanding, simpler life.

So, where had all that confidence & ambition gone?

I was burnt out, with a whole host of physical and mental symptoms that made every day feel like I was climbing Mount Everest... and because I wasn't well, I was saying the wrong things and making mistakes, then SO MUCH SELF CRITICISM!

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Was it my own fault for getting into that state?

Yes. For sure, there are things I wish I had done differently and boundaries I wish I had set much earlier.

But the responsibility is 2 ways.

I’d been calling it out for over 12 months - in statements that were gradually getting more and more desperate, as my mental and physical health declined:

‘I simply can’t absorb the work of those people who are being let go.’

?‘I can’t ask any more of my team.’

‘I can’t manage that anymore – it’s too much.’

‘Something has got to change.’

‘I won’t put those kinds of demands on my team, I would rather do it myself.’

‘I don’t have any more to give.’

‘I can't take that on.’

‘I don’t feel too good today.’

‘I’m taking a week off to do nothing, please don’t contact me’ (you know what happened, don’t you?)!

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The problem is, when there is no response to those kinds of statements and you are someone who cares deeply about people, the team’s objectives, your customers and your organisation – you end up doing it anyway.

Unable to let things drop, to fail or let others suffer – people like us pick up the slack long after we should stop.

The very thing that makes us brilliant at our jobs, the high standards, the diligence and the genuine care for others, is the thing that wears us out. And ultimately, people like us are leaving the careers we’ve strived for, for decades.

And...organisations are losing some of their best people because managers don't know how to help, especially if they are burning out too.

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If you are a working parent and this feels scarily familiar, I urge you to not do what I did.

Don’t carry on, hoping it will get better.

Don’t allow all of the power in the situation to exist outside of yourself.

Don’t tell them something has to change and then keep going anyway.

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When you reach burnout, you aren’t helping anyone – not yourself, not your kids and not the team you’ve worked so hard to build and protect (often in ways they knew nothing about!).

Do something before you get to that.

If you are feeling like you want to throw it all away, but know you can’t afford to - let me tell you what you REALLY can’t afford to do,

CARRY ON LIKE YOU ARE!

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Even if you have the best line manager, they are not your friend. Yes, they should do better, but ultimately it’s their job and they want the job done. They want THEIR bonus. If you can’t do it, they will find someone that can. And that’s not bitterness speaking, that’s just the business world.

If you are a PEOPLE PERSON and you care about your team, as PEOPLE (which by the way is NOT the same as being perfect), you might expect your manager to be the same. Often, they are not or they don't know how to help.

However much an organisation talks about being a family, they are your employers...

No-one is coming to save you.

If you are in an unbearable situation, YOU need to change it, because they won’t – until they have to.

What does that mean? ?

The work I kept saying I couldn’t absorb, and the things I was told ‘only YOU can do’ were soon reallocated to someone else when I couldn’t carry on. The job got done, the objectives met. There is always another way, but while you keep showing up and accepting it, nothing will change.

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I don’t want you to get to the stage I got to. And, I am not saying you need to leave your job.

But you do need to TAKE CHARGE of the situation.

I’ve put all of that experience, 20 years of people management, HR, leadership development and coaching expertise - and a REAL PASSION FOR HELPING PEOPLE - into creating a path to help you change it, before you reach full burnout. I learned the hard way because I didn’t know there could be another way.

So, I can say with confidence….

You need to do the work on you. To know why you can’t stop, why you care so much what people think, why you can’t let things fail and why you can’t stand up to the people who are getting WAY more of you than you are prepared to give – especially when you realise the impact on your family!

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So, yes you may have it all, but that doesn’t mean it’s what you expected it to be, and it doesn’t mean you need to KEEP DOING IT ALL.

If you have enjoyed and valued your career in the past, but now dream of simpler days, lesser jobs and time to just cook meals and do the school run – you are likely on the path to burnout.

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Let me help you to avoid going any further. You may decide you want that simpler life anyway, but at least then it’s a choice.

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TAKE CHARGE, by taking the first step and booking a call with me… I will help you get clear and into action to make small changes right away (if you are really ready) to get life back on your terms, without having to lose it all first.

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And, if you are a line manager who knows you have someone at risk of burnout.

I get it, you don’t really know how to help. That's not an excuse!

Because, know this, if you ignore it and keep pushing for your objectives anyway, you will lose them and you may just ruin their career and seriously impact their life.

I know you don’t want that on your conscience, so get in touch and I can help you navigate the pull of meeting your objectives, maintaining productivity AND your responsibility to them as a person.

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Whichever side of burnout you find yourself, you need to TAKE CHARGE.

Doing the same thing you’ve been doing will get you nowhere good.

Private message me for a free confidential consultation.

At least that's a start.

Nicky