You Have All the Power You Need to Change Your Life

LIFE LESSON

Think of your friends as a garden. These individuals exert a strong influence on not only the person you are, but the person you aspire to become. In this spirit, I ask you to take a look at the people you’ve chosen to surround yourself with—are there people from your childhood who no longer align with your goals or beliefs? Do you spend time with work colleagues who stifle your spirit? Is your circle of friends supportive and encouraging?

There’s an extremely effective sorting statement you can apply to your relationships that will begin to shift the energy of the individuals in your orbit:

“If someone is not nourishing you, they are draining you.” — Anonymous

Now list the top ten people you see each day, even if it’s a clerk at a store. I know that the clerk may seem like a minuscule exposure, but our habits affect our mood, our perspective and our trajectory. If you stop at a place for coffee every morning and the clerk is snide, abrupt and rude, how do you think that sets the tone for your day?

Here are some benchmark questions you can use to determine whether you are being fed or drained:

? Does this person care about you (or does this person care about what you can do for them)?

? Does this person encourage you in your goals?

? Does this person smile a lot or complain instead?

? Do you like yourself when you are around this person?

If you find that some people generate a lot of ‘no’ answers, it benefits you to examine why they’re part of your life. Are the reasons valid anymore? Are some of the negative responses due to your own behavior? Do a cost-benefit analysis of the psychological and spiritual “expenses” incurred by remaining connected to each of the people you’ve listed.

When you find yourself in misalignment, allow the natural disconnect to happen. That’s really the easiest way of removing people who no longer are in sync with your goals. It’s spiritual physics. Imagine your relationships as a series of gears. As the gears tumble, they are always in a state of movement, with individual cogs meshing, churning and moving in a series of alignments and disengagement, propelling you forward.

When you change, natural disengagement with people will happen. Let it happen. Let them go to make room for the new person you’re becoming, and the new people you’re attracting.

LIFE HACK

When you ask most people what their goals are, chief among them is the desire to be happy. While it’s true that “happiness is an inside job,” paradoxically, our happiness levels are also symbiotically related to our environment(s). If you would like to shift your mood, I recommend breaking things down into choices you make every day.

1. Check your mindset. Ask yourself, “Do I have any inherited chemical or health-related conditions that influence my mindset (alcoholism, depression, ADHD, bipolar etc.)? …If so, am I seeking any professional help for these issues?” If you aren’t, I encourage you to take steps to do so. If money is a factor, search for free or income-scaled options in your area.

2. Do I do something every day that gives me joy? This can be as simple as listening to music that shifts your mood. There are clips on YouTube with brain-wave altering music. Drinking your coffee from a favorite mug may make you smile. Your “happiness foundation” is built on thousands of small “joy bricks” that you construct through daily choices made consistently.

3. What am I eating? You really are what you eat. If you are eating poorly, it’s going to be reflected in your mindset and the literal fibers of your body. Just as putting milk in a car’s gas tank will negatively affect its performance, if you put garbage into your body, you will feel like crap (GIGO is for real). You can’t build a skyscraper with cotton candy and jelly beans. You need concrete, steel and glass. Pay attention to the ingredients you’re using to build YOU.

4. Am I exercising? Your happiness can be directly linked to your physical activity. It has been scientifically proven that something as small as a 20 minute walk can elevate your mood. If walking outside is not an option, dance in your kitchen. Move that body. Get some endorphins going.

These are small examples of making deposits in your happiness bank. You are worth it. Take the time each day to make a positive change, and you’ll find that your ability to react to life’s roller coaster has improved.

TREAT

It has been said that the best things in life are free. Love is one of them. You really can’t buy love. In honor of National Loving Day (June 12), I've shared a few words from their website below:

“People around the world observe Loving Day every year on June 12th in meaningful and personal ways. While all are welcome, it can be especially significant for interracial couples, multiracial families, mixed race and transracially adopted people, and those with similar lived experience.

Many share photos and stories on social media with #lovingday, which has trended three times (so far). Others bring people together through events for their community, friends, or family (virtually or safely during the COVID-19 pandemic).

You can also use Loving Day as inspiration for using your creativity, skills, or professional talents in a positive way. Like other important yearly observations, Loving Day can be an intentional time to stand in solidarity with communities that intersect with ours.”

#SpoilerAlert: Love is the answer to every question.

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An author, media consultant, life coach and speaker, Molly Cantrell-Kraig has been recognized as one of CNN’s Visionary Women, been profiled by both the Christian Science Monitor and the Shriver Report. Cantrell-Kraig has also been interviewed on the Women’s Media Center and the BBC, speaking on such topics as women, independence, gender roles and life transitions. From her beginnings as a single mother on welfare, Cantrell-Kraig is a self-described work in progress whose focus is on helping others achieve their goals by sharing her own experiences.