Are you guilty of "Phubbing?"
Are you guilty of "PHUBBING?" It either happens to you or you are doing it yourself!
“It” happens all the time: in restaurants, airports, bars, medical appointments – everywhere.
Here’s a common scenario: You are having a nice discussion at lunch with your friend, your boss, your spouse, or even a client when a phone notification disturbs your focus. In the middle of your conversation, the other person lunges to answer the call or check an email notification, abandoning the present moment.
You’ve just been phubbed.
What is phubbing? Phubbing is a cross between the words “Phone” and “snubbing”.
This behavior has bad manners written all over it, and can create negative energy, but it can also be interpreted as a lack of respect, rejection or worse, indifference.
Clearly there are consequences that occur in any relationship, but phubbing especially impacts our romantic relationships by adding to a stack of existing communication issues that make the other person feel ignored, hurt or devalued. Dr. Katherine Hertlein, a professor at the University of Nevada, who specializes in Couple and Family Therapy is quoted as saying, “It can be adding to layers of hurt, particularly if one partner feels like he or she is having to compete for the other’s attention.”
Unfortunately, our global addiction to smart phone connections is tied to multiple behavioral issues, like fear of missing out (FOMO), feelings of being important, needed and “in the know” and has become a bad habit. We can replace these responses with better habits when we practice intentional focus on the humans in front of us, thus elevating our influence, our communication skills, and ultimately enhancing our relationships.
Here’s a few thoughts:
· The old adage, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" is a great place to start. Every living thing prefers to be seen, valued, and heard. When you choose to engage outside of a conversation, meeting, or any communication exchange, you feel the consequences of being “dished” when a phone hijacks your connection. If it doesn’t feel good to you, there’s a high probability that it can feel the same way to the others.
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· Know that phubbing is interpreted as rude and inconsiderate behavior because without prior permission to take a call or respond, it sends the message that someone or something is more important than who you are talking to in person! This action non-verbally communicates that the value of the person on the other end of the phone carries more value than the human in front of you.
· It’s important to note that according to the National Library of Medicine, this addiction and reaction is actually a psychological condition when people “have a fear of being detached (or not responding) to their mobile phone”. In his book, “Present Shock” author Douglas Rushkoff explains that the need to immediately respond is triggered by a chemical reaction of a tiny drop of dopamine which wires the brain to want more. He cites in his book that according to a University of California Irvine study, “it takes an average of 23 minutes and 15 seconds to get back to the task” whenever we are interrupted. So, what happens when we are in a business meeting or even during an intimate conversation and we get distracted by a phone notification? What happens to our productivity? Clearly there are consequences.
So, what can we do to manage our own distractions, the disengagement of others, and still be civil?
· When the interruption occurs in a conversation (both personally and professionally), taking control of your response is helpful to re-engage that person.
· Know that the person who is doing the phubbing is most likely not aware of the consequences of their negative behavior. Acknowledge politely that they appear busy with a matter that requires their immediate attention and inquire if there is a better time or place for you to resume your meeting.
· Should your phone or watch “summon” you during a conversation, see what happens when you choose not to answer and how the person in front of you reacts. It can be magical when that simple action makes them feel like a priority in that moment.
There are many benefits to being in the NOW! If you are interested in elevating relationships, and demonstrating higher influence, practice being focused on the people in the real world, and free yourself in those moments instead of being enslaved by the virtual world. Whether it is a spouse, friend or business connection, making others feel important wins on every level!
As we continue to navigate digital overload, let's remember that technology has no feelings, but people do!
Terri Murphy, Executive Coach, Consultant, Speaker, Author
Global referral networks and websites for real estate industry brands operating in multiple countries and languages.
1 年The struggle is real…. I constantly have to fight the urge, I am hopelessly wired in.