Are you good at playing mind games?

Playing mind games with people is a prerogative of a few eccentric type of minds who love to dominate people with their superiority complex. Have you heard a word called 'Negging'? Here you subtly insult a person in order to lower his or her social status, to make it easier to seduce that person. An example from a website, of something a man might say to a woman: "You know, you look just like my little sister. Weird.” This is a mind game because it suggests: one, that you're superior to her because of being older; two, that she's not a sexual creature to you; three, that there's something weird about even being around her. This puts the woman (or man, if used in reverse) on the defensive and might make her try harder to compensate to you for those fake insecurities that you've planted.

Then think about blowing hot and cold. In which you are totally into a person one minute (or day), and then distant the next, as a way of regulating the relationship. When you do this, you're snatching moments of an intimate relationship, and creating false hopes, without committing. You're also keeping the other person off-balance so that you remain in control of the relationship. There are many more. They're generally manipulation techniques. In some kinds of relationships, the couple play mind games consensually; more often, though, this is done without consent and so is considered by many to be a form of emotional abuse. But wait a minute. Did you say abuse? What? Abuse? Just for saying something harmless like, you look like my sister?

Basically when a person's actions and words do not match. Or when their words do not agree with their past words. Mind games make the victim doubt their intuition, reasoning ability or thinking ability. The end result is that they will make you rely on the other person to make your choices for you because you cannot trust in your own ability to make the best decisions for yourself. First, understand that the purpose for a colleague or coworker playing a mind game is distinguishably different from your partner or family member playing a mind game. Learning the multifaceted nature of mind games will better equip you to deal with the extremely complex and mostly illogical reason for such games.

Gain, Preserve or Acquire Control of some minds. A reason people play mind games is to gain, preserve or acquire control. If they can elicit a particular response from you, or move you to do what they want, then this gives them the powerful feeling they are looking for, which makes them feel in control of you and the situation. If a person experiences little or no control at their job, for instance, this may be their way to make up for the loss of control at work by regaining that feeling with you. In essence, it’s a matter of insecurity on the part of the person playing the mind game. At this point, you have to look within to find out if you are giving up control for a specific reason, inclusive of intentionally satisfying the need of the person playing the mind game, or are you unwittingly being coerced, manipulated and controlled?

Of course feelings of insecurity might also come with resentment. If your partner is feeling as if they have no control of their lives or imagines himself (or herself) a failure, then it may be that they chose you specifically to take out their anger and frustrations, and sometimes this can be because you symbolize how they want to be. Maybe you exhibit confidence and success that they wished they had, and conceivably by playing their mind games they can feel like the winner for a change. After all, by beating a successful and confident person doesn’t that make them successful as well?

Spoiling relationships within relationships, mind games can be many times more complex and devious. Here the games are often planned and carried out in the form of testing, in an effort to see your reaction, to gauge how much actual control they have in the relationship and to test their beliefs and insecurities. For example, someone you are dating invites you to go out with some friends and then becomes annoyed when you take them up on the offer. Possibly the original offer was a test to see if you would rather visit friends or spend time with them? If they get angry, you know you failed the test.

The above example shows the complex nature of mind games. What your date really wanted was for you to validate that you would prefer to be with them even when the choice is left up to you. Similarly, if your boyfriend (or girlfriend) is upset, they may not actually tell you or explain why, preferring instead to test your sensitivity to their needs. These mind games are extremely detrimental to relationships and often the player is unaware that they’re playing a mind game. Mean games mean bring to an end.

Mind games can purely be a means to an end. If you require something from a person and a direct approach has proven unsuccessful, then manipulating that person might be the only way to get what you want. Everyone has been on the receiving end of mind games, and we’re all probably a little guilty of using mind games at one time or another. We’ve all experienced those who appear to get enjoyment from testing and putting us through the psychological ringer.

The most popular use of the term “mind game" is to describe a behavior that causes intentional confusion, usually for a negative purpose (i.e. manipulation, intimidation,or competitive advantage. ) This is most often a conscious action, often using passive aggressive behaviors to specifically demoralize or dis-empower some one in for the purpose of gaining superiority. A secondary use of the term may describe mental exercises to improve thinking skills and challenge the mind. (i.e: puzzles, “brain teasers", etc.). Cheers!