You are NOT good enough!

Co-authored by Dan Bass and Katy Walton

[Dan]

●     “Everyone here is better, smarter, more accomplished than you”

●     “Your work isn’t up to scratch”

●     “People will realise that I’m actually not that good at what I do”

●     “You will be found out soon.”

●     “You are only here because of pure luck’

●     “You should keep quiet and keep your head down”

●     “You need to review that document a few more times before anyone sees it”

 Do you know who tends to say this to us?

Ourselves. We speak to ourselves, more than anyone else. And if we wouldn’t speak to others like this, why do we think it’s ok to say it to us?

 Imposterism creates a lousy inner dialogue that we both have first-hand experience of.

Hiding

[Katy]

You’ve hidden at work, right? I mean, not behind the cupboards or anything (or have you?) but chosen not to speak up in a meeting, or even not put yourself forward for a new project, challenge or promotion.

 Many of us have, I know I’m not alone. You may, if pointed out to you, have defended this in all kinds of ways:

 “I wasn’t clear of the expectations of me in the meeting, or why I was asked to attend”

“I don’t have time to commit to this project right now”

“My main focus is on outside work activity; a promotion isn’t right for me just yet”

 But could there be something else behind it? 

What is Imposter Syndrome and where does it come from?

In 1978, Pauline Rose Clance & Suzanne Imes observed a group of highly educated, highly successful females similarly reporting an extreme fear of failure.

 Instead of gaining confidence from their successes, they felt uncertain and attributed it to other factors such as luck or hard work. This discrepancy between their self-views and their achievements inspired Clance & Imes to coin the term “imposter phenomenon”. The core characteristics being:

 1) The sense of having fooled others into overestimating your ability

2) The attribution of success to factors other than your own capability

3) The fear of being exposed as a fraud

 While the focus of the study showed a prevalence in high achieving women, it appears to be far more widespread.

 Although original findings indicate that women are more susceptible (and often backed by research stating that girls tend to typically attribute success to others), plenty of contradictory studies have shown that men are equally, if not more susceptible, but perhaps less likely to openly discuss.

How it has impacted us

[Katy]

 My day job involves putting myself out there. Sometimes literally on a stage, in front of hundreds of people. And despite plenty of evidence telling me that I do a decent job, I often don’t see it.  

A particular trap-of-choice is comparing myself unfavourably to others. I’m drawn like a moth to observe all that others bring, that I don’t. I compare the swan-like serenity of other presenters with the stomach-churning anxiety that I’m feeling, and I convince myself that I don’t belong here.

 ●      I see others’ poise and am concerned with my lack.

●      I hear their expertise, and wonder why anyone would want to listen to me.

●      I experience their skill and am mortified that mine doesn’t compare.

 Yet, it's not driven by a lack of courage. I regularly challenge myself more with where and how I work. For example - I knew that I found networking difficult, so instead of avoiding it, I leaned in and co-founded a networking group which I host on a monthly basis. When I knew my level of technical ability would be a challenge over lockdown, I immediately designed and ran a number of free sessions to the general public as incentive to learn how to do it well, and to do it quickly.

 And I know it’s not driven by a lack of skill. I get truly great feedback on my work. Therein lies the mystery. If I’m both courageous and competent, why am I feeling like this? Where does the anxiety and negative self-evaluation stem from?

 From my research, I can see a clear link: low self esteem and a fear of judgement and failure. Not wanting to put myself out there, in case I was found to be lacking. It’s only now with the benefit of hindsight that I can see the many and varied ways that imposterism has infiltrated my thoughts and my actions and had a huge impact on my career.

 ●      I refused to post on social media for years (what if I make a stupid mistake that everyone sees?)

●      I sat quietly in meetings that were heading into car crash territory (what happens if I’m the only one who doesn’t get it?)

●      I turned down promotions and opportunities in case people finally realised that I wasn’t capable.

 If only I was aware then of how wonky and disruptive that thinking was.

[Dan]

Perhaps it stems back to those “post-exam” chats. You know the ones. A big test has just finished and you gather with your classmates to discuss the tricky questions. My mood moved from anxiety to deflation at hearing that yet again I’d missed the obvious and probably got the question wrong. Can you relate?

 Perhaps it grew in my first job, fresh-faced from a degree that was supposed to now set me up. Tricky given the small company developed highly complex graphical products and I knew, nothing. Have you found that chaotic first few months of “what the hell is going on” to be a gift for learning or shattering your already-battered confidence?

 Well, do you know what? I suspect that like me, you felt like you didn’t fit in a lot through your younger years. Before the pressures of the first job, or before exams even became a big deal, there was the social pressure of being in the crowd. 

So today, what plagues me more than the pressure and learning curves, is that feeling of not fitting in. My peers have skills I cannot begin to learn. My teams expect things I’ll never be able to provide. I’m a big picture, blue sky thinking dreamer who likes to nothing better than driving off to the wilderness with no plans or details, just the ambition to explore and grow. I lean on problem-solving skills I’ve been privileged enough to pick up to tackle obstacles on the route. The chaos of life suites me and plans and details tie me down. Latch this onto a dose of dyslexia, liberal thinking, depression and low self-esteem, and zero confidence into big companies that typically rely on fixed structures, plans, targets, details and certainty, and I’m left feeling like a fish stranded in the Sahara.

 And yet. And yet...

On one hand, I’m ambitious. Ambitious to find the next adventure, climb the next hill, take on the next challenge, grow the next team. On the other, I’ve never been overly bothered about my own succession or career growth. I, therefore, find it completely at odds with the voices in my head when I see people listening to my ideas, asking for my advice, helping me to grow and develop. In the last couple of years, I’m trying to be more confident in myself. The evidence I have to trust is to look at the role I have now. People who know me best, are happy with who I am, as I am. So with that spirit, I try to just keep on being me. Anything else would be foolish.

The common patterns to watch for

[Katy]

There’s a very familiar cluster of behaviours to imposter syndrome, which I only became aware of more recently – the combination of which can be devastating.  

●     Hiding: Not speaking out in a meeting, or revealing true thoughts. Not applying for, or even refusing a promotion. Keeping ourselves small, flying under the radar to avoid detection – so people will never find out what we know to be true. That we’re not good enough.

●     Perfectionism: This isn’t just about high standards. High standards bring excellence, perfectionism brings anxiety when standards aren’t met. You may ignore successes and be intolerant of mistakes and flaws in work and home life, and have a fear of doing it wrong, or not doing enough. Quickly can lead to overwork and burnout.

●     Comparing: Believing that how others look on the outside matches what they’re feeling. Which is different or better than how you’re feeling. So therefore always find yourself lacking.

●     Wanting more: A focus on having more to ‘prove’ that you’re enough. More books, more qualifications, more money. Using these as an emotional crutch to feel better.

●     Overpreparing or overworking: Closely linked to perfectionism and driven by anxiety levels. You want to be seen to deliver a great performance, so drive yourself hard – and might describe this as a strong work ethic. This can also lead to procrastination. You put off work as you’re already anticipating how draining it’ll be to achieve it.

 Although confident people can and do fall prey to imposter syndrome, there’s a clear link to lower self-efficacy. That is, the belief and mindset that you can achieve what is required in situations. 

 Often the handicapping thoughts are triggered in times of challenge and change. Discounting previous experience and successes in favour of doubting whether you’ll ever be able to pull off anything like it again. Because, you know, it was a fluke last time.

What we’ve done to overcome it

[Katy]

 I find focussing on 3 key areas really help:  

1) Recognising when I’m feeling imposterism and knowing that it’s just a thought and an emotion, not reality. And it will pass. And it will pass quicker now I’m paying attention to it.

 2) Challenging my own beliefs and assumptions. I don’t need to be perfect, good enough is good enough. I ask the Dr Pepper question “What’s the worst that could happen” and I focus on giving myself permission to make mistakes and learn from them. None of us are the finished article, and that’s OK. I also look for the evidence, which usually contrasts with the emotions. I can often find evidence that I can and will succeed based on previous successes, which goes a long way to quieting the ‘you can’t do it’ voices. All of which can be summarised as having a Growth Mindset.

 3) Knowing that I have a choice. A choice about what I focus on and what I think. 

 This is so liberating and empowering, and truly makes a difference. I ask myself the question: “Is this thought right now helping or hindering?” And if it’s hindering, I let it go, or frame it differently.

[Dan]

There are two key questions I ask that have certainly helped me. Simple questions, but very hard and somewhat unnatural to ask.

 The first, what feedback can I ask for that will help me to rebalance the view others have of me with my own. 

Regular, candid, no crap feedback from people that are close to you and that you trust, is worth its weight in gold.

People you trust, will build you up and want to see you succeed. 

People you trust will call out negative behaviours that are holding you back.

It doesn’t mean it’s easy to hear all the time. Positive and constructive feedback are hard to hear.

 “The way you presented that session was clear, articulate and incredibly engaging” – a close friend may say. 

“They’re just being polite, and besides, they’re always positive” – the voice goes.

The second key point. The more I learn about this in myself, the more I see defensive and controlling behaviour in others. 

The observation of this behaviour has a new interpretation when I ask this question;

“Do they feel really uncomfortable and out of their depth at this moment?”

 Knowing ourselves helps us to understand others. 

The response from empathy is very different from the response that flows from an imposter or lofty view of ourselves.

What next?

With around 70% of the population reportedly experiencing imposter syndrome to some extent, it’s likely that you may have experienced some of these thoughts or behaviours too. Our hope is that you find it helpful to know that it’s normal and you absolutely can make different choices. Often, a chat with someone over a drink can be enough to help you get perspective. 

 But if you do find that your fears are holding you back, get more info, learn more about what options you have, or look for an accredited and qualified coach who can work with you to overcome it.

 We are all fakers. We all have things to learn. We can all grow to be better versions of the people we are today.

 In ending, we love Amy Cuddy’s take on this.

  “So don’t fake it to make it, fake it, until you become it.”

?To explore more:

 Read:

12 Lies Article – Tanya Geisler

Imposter Syndrome and remote work Article - Gitlab

The empress has no clothes – Joyce M Roche

Watch:

 Confidence and Imposterism – Tanya Halliday

 Singing out anxiety – Ted Bradshaw