If you are going through hell...

Winston Churchill once famously said, "If you're going through hell, keep going." - I disagree.

Here’s my attempt to give practical advice to anyone going through a bad situation.

Use your voice

Call out for help - you never know who is listening, and you only need 1 person to hear you.

When you do speak to someone, try to be as clear as you can about what you are going through. Also, choose a place that’s quiet enough to speak, and set it up as a 1-1 conversation.

I recently learnt from a friend that he was going through a rough patch. He had repeatedly asked me out for casual gatherings with others, but I thought he just wanted to hang out! The mixed signals I received prevented me from giving him the support he needed at that time, and I felt terrible when I realised that his disguised messages were actually calls for help.

Illuminate the tunnel

Often when you’re in a bad situation, it will feel like it is darkness all around you and it’s hard to see your options.

But understanding the options you have can help you get out of a tricky situation much faster, and with more confidence. Find ways to learn about your options. 

The common advice would be to speak to people you feel comfortable with, who are closest to you, and that’s a good start. Sometimes though, the people closest to you may not be the ones with the best knowledge on the matter to give you the right advice. Unfortunately, in some instances, the wrong advice can also be harmful - Sometimes, you do need to speak to the experts. Speak to a subject matter expert or a professional counselor if you need to.

The sooner you can figure out your options, the sooner you’ll be able to find your way out of hell.

Understand what's not working

I myself have experienced depression on several occasions. In trying to deal with the depression, I found a quote by Aristotle that has since given me much guidance in life: “Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existence.” 

If life is a constant search to gain happiness, then it is also a constant effort to lose what is not bringing us happiness.

Understanding and working actively to untangle yourself from the cause of your unhappines will help you get out of hell.

Trust your gut 

External pressures like people's opinions can sometimes be suffocating, but too many bad decisions have been made based on our fear of what others think.

Instead of letting the voices of the unknown masses and of people with little significance in your life weigh upon you, consider these:

1. None of them are going through what you are now - it’s not their state of mind and well-being that’s at stake.
2. What’s the worst that can happen if they disagree with your decisions? See #1.
3. Also, seriously, when was the last time you spoke to any of them? See #2.

Trust your gut. If you need to make a decision that makes people feel uncomfortable, remember that you are prioritising your well-being and happiness.

I hope these 4 points help. Naturally, this is just 1 person’s take on how to get through hell, mine. There are many articles out there that provide a perspective - if you are going through hell now, you don’t have to be alone in this.

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We can #smashthestigma around mental health by having open and honest conversations. 

The more we understand the challenges of mental health issues, the better we can support people with mental health issues, and caregivers to people with mental health issues.

I am raising funds for the Caregivers Alliance, an IPC certified charity that provides care to caregivers of people with mental health issues. You can support the cause by making a donation here: https://www.giving.sg/campaigns/sightstoeverest

#yolo2020