Are You A Ghoster Or Ghostee?

Relationships and friendships thrive when we cherish reciprocity. They cannot sustain one-sidedly. And when they end, they should end with care and respect, just as they began. Sadly, it doesn’t always happen that way. People disappear, friends cease to reciprocate, and lovers elope without information or closure, leaving the other party confused, angry, guilty, and sorrowful.

Ghosting is the sudden cessation of communication with someone, typically without providing any explanation. While commonly associated with the realm of romantic relationships, the term can also be applied to instances of abruptly cutting off communication in friendships and professional settings. For understanding, a "ghoster" is someone who disappears abruptly, and a "ghostee" is the person who is being ghosted.

Many have complained of being victims of ghosting, not just once, but many times. I am sure they must have made others feel the same way as well. We live in a world where we connect virtually more than in person. Virtual relationships are easy to find and easy to break away from, unlike in-person friendships or relationships.

Encountering ghosting can be a perplexing experience. The person being ghosted may deal with questions like:

1. Have I done something wrong, or is there a reason they stopped talking to me?
2. What happened to my friend/lover? Are they okay, or is something wrong?
3. Has he/she lost interest in me?
4. Am I not attractive or useful enough anymore?
5. Have I been a burden to him/her?
6. Should I wait for him/her to reach out, or is it time to move forward?
7. What if they come back and see that I've moved on?

Without clarity on what transpired or any understanding of their role, the lingering feeling of culpability can be particularly distressing.

Why people disappear or disconnect suddenly without information/closure?

Here are my thoughts:

Avoidance of Confrontation: Some people find it difficult to confront others or express their feelings directly. They may choose to avoid uncomfortable conversations or conflicts by simply withdrawing from the relationship.

Fear of Rejection: Individuals might fear that expressing their true feelings or reasons for distancing themselves could lead to rejection or conflict. As a result, they may prefer to disappear without providing any explanation.

Personal Issues: People facing personal challenges, such as mental health issues, stress, or major life changes, may withdraw from social interactions as a way of coping. They might not have the emotional capacity to maintain relationships during difficult times.

Change in Priorities: Life circumstances and priorities can change. Sometimes, people may prioritize other aspects of their lives, such as career, family, or personal growth, and unintentionally distance themselves from friends.

Communication Styles: Differences in communication styles can play a role. Some people may not be comfortable expressing their feelings or may assume that the other person can interpret their signals, leading to misunderstandings.

Social Anxiety: Those with social anxiety may struggle with maintaining social connections, and the fear of social interactions could prompt them to withdraw without offering an explanation.

Lack of Emotional Intelligence: Some individuals may lack the emotional intelligence to recognize the impact of their actions on others. They may not realize the importance of providing closure and believe that silence is an acceptable way to end a relationship.

It's important to note that the reasons for sudden disappearances can vary widely, and it's not always a reflection of the value or worth of the friendship.

Why Disappearing is beneficial?

While ghosting can be a challenging experience to navigate, there are instances where it may have some benefits, whether you're the one ghosting or the one being ghosted by friends or lovers. Am I playing a villain here? No, I have valid reasons for what I am going to explain. Please read the following to understand:

Escaping Discomfort: Disappearing becomes a consideration when someone starts making you feel uneasy or uncomfortable. The decision to vanish is prompted by a desire to escape from a situation that evokes discomfort.

Managing Threatening Anger: If the person exhibits anger that feels threatening and unsafe, disappearing is seen as a prudent choice. It serves as a way to protect oneself from potentially harmful situations and emotional distress.

Avoiding Manipulation and Deceit: Disappearing is justified when the person starts displaying concerning traits like manipulation, deceit, or dishonesty. This decision is driven by the desire to distance oneself from harmful behaviors that can negatively impact one's well-being.

Establishing Boundaries: Lack of boundaries, such as reaching out to someone else you've dated or seeking personal information, becomes a valid reason for disappearing. It's a response to the need for personal space and privacy in the face of intrusive behavior.

However, it's important to acknowledge that despite potential benefits, a proper closure to any relationship or friendship remains highly desirable and essential. This process should be carried out with honesty, sincerity, and utmost care to provide clarity and emotional resolution for all parties involved.?

Coping Tips as I Conclude:

Ghosting can indeed bring about feelings of grief, akin to the mourning experienced when losing a beloved to death. The pain can be significant when close friends disappear or choose silence without explanation. I can empathize with that experience, as it is rarely a pleasant one. For the sake of one's emotional well-being, it becomes crucial to practice self-care and metaphorically wear a mental seat belt to navigate the turbulent emotional ride that ghosting can bring.

• Remind yourself that nobody has the power to diminish your self-worth unless you give them that authority. It's essential to recognize your own value and not let others dictate your sense of self.
• It's completely okay to feel hurt when someone ghosts you. Acknowledge and validate your emotions. Try to understand that it is not worth dwelling in an extended period of negative feelings, especially if the time spent with the person was not significant.
• Take care of your physical and mental well-being. Eat healthily, ensure proper sleep, and stay physically active. Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation.
• Spend time with your other friends who uplift and support you. Socializing can provide a positive distraction and help you focus on the supportive relationships in your life.
• If needed, don't hesitate to reach out to a therapist for assistance.

I am not a therapist but remember, I am a life coach who can host you to take the ghost out of your mind.

Connect with me for a 1:1 call by clicking HERE.