You Get What You Tolerate

When things don’t happen as we expect them to we can blame someone else, or we can blame something else (excuses), or even deny that the problem even exists. 

Or we could actually just take ownership, accountability and responsibility and do something about it. In reality, we can change just about anything - if only we would start by taking Ownership, Accountability and Responsibility. Isn’t that interesting?

When things are not quite how we want them to be – both in business and in life generally – have you ever stopped to think why that might be the case? For starters, you may wish to look in the mirror. Chances are, that the answer you’re really looking for – really looking for - is looking right back at you. We are the result of all the things we tolerate.

If that thought doesn’t make you feel uncomfortable enough, here’s another one: YOU”VE GOT THE BUSINESS THAT YOU DESERVE. Or if you’re employed, then you’ve got the job you deserve.

After that dose of reality – and it’s completely true - let’s look at what we could do differently. There are no reasons why things couldn’t change, resulting in something better. Effectively, reality is that our business is a reflection of our own attitude and behaviour. If we want different results, we need to take ownership and take some different actions. As the late, great, Jim Rohn said;

“Never wish life was easier, wish you were better”

Reflect on a situation – maybe about something or someone – that continually irks you.

The issue could be anything, but it’s certainly something that occupies your head space from time to time, eg “I wish they wouldn’t keep doing that!”. The one definitive thing we do know is that that’s a certain sign that you’re tolerating something that you really don’t want to - or shouldn’t be. Tolerating undesirable behaviour is bad for business, and it’s also very bad for us on a personal level. The time to address undesirable behaviour is, ideally, the very first time we see it – as difficult as that may be. 

It could be that you ask somebody to a meeting at 8:45am. The individual then rolls up at, maybe, 9:10am with the excuse that heavy traffic prevented them getting in earlier. Internally, you are probably thinking that they should have set off earlier, but you also decide that it’s not worth creating a scene in making an issue out of it. So, you don’t. And, in that instant, you’ve condoned that kind of behaviour.  Move forward a few days and this time they arrive at 9:15am and this time the nursery wasn’t open on time – again, not their fault so not worth a confrontation.

Unaddressed - and a little while further down the road, and you’ve lost total control.

Fixing this issue – timekeeping on behalf of the unreliable person - is now an annoyance that crosses your mind on a daily basis. However, it’s never quite serious enough that it’s worth dealing with today. 

The trouble with not dealing with the smaller issue now becomes a bigger issue. We can justify it in our own minds in many ways - the individual has poor self-discipline, they should be able to organise themselves, or it’s not our job to chase them. The trouble with this thinking is that it’s never our fault – it’s always someone else’s fault, or it’s because of something else. We end up in complete denial that it’s really that big an issue at all. And, sadly, we end up self-justifying this analysis.

The trouble with this approach is… that it isn’t very useful! It achieves nothing other than a feeling of self-righteousness.  However, many people would see it as the ‘normal’ response. The flip-side to this, of course, is whether we would have seen these behaviours had we dealt with the issue in the first instance. There isn’t a business in existence that trains their staff to be unreliable, but yet there exists many businesses where people are actually unreliable. 

If we were prepared to look at things in a different way, could we have prevented this from developing into an ongoing problem?

Is addressing something like this an area where you lack the training and skill? Is this a training requirement to enhance your personal armoury? Do you need to develop personally? Clearly, without the right skill-set, that would be understandable. If you’ve never been through the necessary training – how could you expect to know? How could you seriously expect to manage behaviours if you’ve never been shown how? And yet, most business owners, and managers, have this ‘belief’ in the back of their minds that they ought to be able to manage staff effectively.

Business skills they need to be learnt, and practiced.

Businesses are run by people, and, as such, issues will always arise. It would be folly to believe that behaviours will always be at the level you want them to be. People will, of course, strive to be the very best that they can be, but problems will always present themselves – and when they do, they have to be dealt with. But you can only deal with them if you know how to! If you believe you can run your business on the basis that everyone and everything around you will be perfect, you’re going to be very disappointed, and very frustrated. Unless you deal with issues that arise, you will end up tolerating poor behaviours and get the results that will naturally follow. So, instead of blaming other people, or blaming something else, stop tolerating unacceptable attitudes and behaviours, and take ownership.

The culture and standards in a business are set at the very top of the organisation. It is the responsibility of the leaders to ensure that the standards are exactly where they should, be. Be very clear about the attitudes and behaviours expected.  Make sure that it is communicated to, and with, everyone. If needs be, put it in writing too – there can be no misunderstanding as to what is expected. When we then see behaviours that are in line with our company values, celebrate. Congratulate people in open forum so everyone else can join in too. Where behaviours definitely DO NOT align with our culture and standards, deal with these in private (always). Never, ever, make casual remarks – they will be heard, and they will be remembered. Always reinforce, and personally demonstrate, the behaviours you want to see. Where required, deal with people confidently, and deal with them head-on. 

Ensure everyone knows what happens when behaviours dip beneath the standard expected. Understand the kinds of approaches that would work better than others, i.e. “In order to work here I require staff to arrive no later than 8:45am” is so much better than saying something like, “If you arrive after 8:45am I’m going to dismiss you!”

Don’t be frightened to state the behaviours and attitudes you want, and then do everything possible to reinforce them.  Never let standards drop, discuss deviations immediately, and always in private. It really won’t take long to create the environment that you want, and you’ll also discover that an environment where everyone knows what is expected of them, and where nothing less is tolerated, is a great environment for people to work. It creates success – both for you and, more importantly, for your team.

What are you tolerating that you shouldn’t be? What action do you need to take? And what skills do you need to develop to take responsibility and be the best leader and manager that your team has ever worked for?

John McHale – ActionCOACH Business Coach

John is a multi-award winning Business Coach who works with businesses to help them grow sustainably. If you want to know more please contact us via email at [email protected], or DM us here on LinkedIn.