You Get Decide How Easy or How Hard Your Professional Journey Is: Choose Wisely

"You experience the pain of preparation or the pain of failure. It's pain either way. You have to decide if you want pain at the beginning or pain at the end." - Bill Belichick

How do we develop self-confidence?

It’s a question I’ve thought about many times over the years, it's one I've been asked by audiences on a regular basis, and it's one I've asked thousands of business leaders all over the world. Confidence. It's something that is of huge value to us as we navigate our lives and careers. I believe it boils down to three things: preparation, mindset, and experience.

Now, let's pause for a second.

I encourage you to ask yourself, “How have I grown in confidence throughout my career—and life?”

As I look at my own, I’ve grown in confidence as a child, student, athlete, businessman, writer, speaker and adult because of each experience. I’ve learned from each experience, figured out what to take with me going forward, and then prepared my mind for the next opportunity. While accomplishments go a long way toward growing our confidence, we learn even more through adversity—if we’re willing to stay positive.

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Having a positive mindset isn't hard when every new experience we encounter is a positive one. A confident, positive mindset is forged through pain. Things like the pain of preparation. Doing the work in whatever field we're in. Showing up to prepare, to put in the work and to invest our time as efficiently and wisely as we can to do what needs to be done.

The truth is, we can truly love what we do for a living, and yet not every part of the work we do is something that we love. We can find ourselves procrastinating, making excuses and simply avoiding the tasks at hand. The more we avoid, the more painful the preparation and thought of doing the work can become. The best way isn't around. It's through the storm. And that storm is often the anxious thought we can create for ourselves in our own minds.

Sooner or later, that pain of preparation can and will become the pain of failure.

Confidence is a state of mind

Confidence is a state of mind. It’s part of our attitude. It’s empowered by belief, yes, and it’s strengthened by doing, and reaping the lessons learned and rewards that come from taking action.

The power of doing, combined with observing, receiving encouragement, and managing our emotions, affects the development of our confidence. How we prepare and how we see ourselves (mindset) after each experience builds belief and self-confidence in our abilities. It creates momentum, driving us to perform at our best for every new opportunity that comes our way.

As we think about our mindset, I ask you to think about the times you’ve persevered and overcome obstacles. Chances are, you’ve adapted, become more resilient, and sharpened your focus to learn from each experience. Neuroscientist and chief research officer at New York University Dr. Stacie Bloom writes in the Wall Street Journal:

"To be self-confident—and to bolster confidence in others—we should deliberately shut down our inner critic, over and over again. At the cellular level, this requires building new connections. . .We can build new connections and change our thoughts and behavior by being brave and overcoming obstacles. . .(and) by learning something new—whether that’s a card game or a data analytics platform—and committing that knowledge to memory through repetition or practice. . .(and) by shifting our usual routines and reactions."

Growing in confidence takes a commitment and level of preparation that will require you to shift your routines and habits. It's why the psychological commitment of prioritizing your time is so important for getting things done. We may not always want to do what needs to be done, but we can prepare with greater confidence and prioritize our time.

We can change our mindset to be one of courage, confidence and optimism that can be rewarded with each stride that we make. We can look the pain of failure in the face and know in our hearts, that's NOT where we want to be.

Growing in self-confidence takes time. There will be pain either way. The notion that the easy path is the right one is a foolish. The notion that we should avoid the hard path is the same thing. You must go toward the pain sometimes and acknowledge it for what it is, and then equip yourself with the discipline, motivation and strength to move forward toward what you know you need to do.

"You either quit or keep going. They both hurt. Read that again." - Scottie Pippen

A competitive, confident mindset will help you to navigate life's challenges. It will help you to more positively and confidently approach the things that are hard. Don't take the easy way. Take the hard way. You'll find in the end that things will work out for you if you prepare, learn from your experiences and equip yourself with a winning mindset.

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Christopher D. Connors is the author of The Champion Leader: https://amzn.to/4aIeJaw . He is also the creator of top LinkedIn Learning course, Leading with Emotional Intelligence . He's a keynote speaker, executive coach, and globally recognized expert on emotional intelligence. Christopher consults with executives and leaders at Fortune 1000 companies.