Are You Fighting Reality?

Have you ever been in a situation where the story in your head ended up being a lot worse than how the situation played out in real life? 

This happened to me often on my journey to a leadership position, especially in the early days of my career. 

There are times in life, especially at work, where we craft and write our own stories about a situation or person based on inaccurate thoughts, misconstrued interactions, emotions, and assumptions. Then, that story we write in our head is brought to life through our behavior, attitude and actions. 

Instead of considering what the other person may be thinking, feeling, or struggling with, we create our own story about someone based on opinions. We write a new "reality"; one in which breeds drama.

Spoiler alert: When you battle reality, you lose. 

You lose that battle because the story you create is coming from an ego-centric, self serving and self fulfilling prophecy. It’s coming from a negative, fear based, and selfish mindset. We are battling reality and cluttering our minds with opinions that have no truth! When we react based on our own assumptions versus reality, more times than not we end up looking foolish, unprofessional, and often rude.

So why do we spend our time and energy on creating stories and making assumptions about other people or situations? Why do we participate in workplace drama and hurt the organization through unproductive and negative behaviors? Why do we battle reality? 

Instead of making assumptions, give people the benefit of the doubt. This comes from a place of peace and positivity. 

Instead of exaggerating a story in your head, challenge yourself and ask more questions like: 

1. Am I sure that this is a true fact? Ex. She must be upset with me because she ignored my greeting this morning.

2. How do I know? What supports this? Ex. Typically she catches up with me each morning. We normally have a friendly conversations. This morning was unusual.

3. Consider what the other person may be feeling or going through. Ex. Maybe her and her husband had a rough morning? Or maybe she was in the zone thinking about her agenda for that big meeting.

4. What is the next right action I can do to help or resolve this? Ex. I can show her grace and check in with her to see if there's anything she needs or any way I can assist her.

If you can’t confidently say something is a fact, then let it go! It’s not reality- it’s a story YOU created. 

Our minds can be our worst enemies. They have the ability to wreck our personal lives and make us the pot stirrers in workplace drama. Do you have control of others and situations that may arise? No. The one thing you do have control over is your own behavior, attitude, and mindset. 

Instead of spending time and energy on negative thoughts and assumptions and self manifested stories, ask yourself the questions above to recenter your mind and focus on the reality of any given situation. Don’t waste time on blaming, making excuses, and drafting stories in your mind; center your thoughts on how you can be a positive and productive part of a resolution. 

Spoiler alert; We tend to write stories in our heads when we are focusing on the approval and admiration of others.

Forget focusing on others approval or being loved and getting credit. That is when our mindset is the most vulnerable to negative outputs. Focusing on others approval creates a battle with reality...and a toxic mind. Instead of focusing on others, center your energy on YOU.

• Your mindset
• Your energy
• Your actions

Take yourself out of the popularity contest and that’s where you will find peace, happiness and productivity in your workplace! You will rediscover a new reality...and it won't be as near as bad as the one in your head!

In a work setting, your true value comes from serving your organization in a positive way that enhances productivity and problem solving.

If you go into work every day focusing on what you can give instead of what you will get, that creates a no-nonsense, reality based leader and sets an example for the rest of the team.