How can a leader show empathy?

Leaders who do not listen will eventually be surrounded by people who do not have anything to say" Andy Stanley

Leadership is a connection with people.

We connect with people at various stages of life whether young or old.

We meet diverse people from diverse backgrounds.

Simon Sinek posits that

?"100% of employees are people.100% of customers are people.100% of investors are people. If you don't understand you don't understand business."

People are at the epicentre of leadership.

Without people there is no purpose for leadership.

This connection comes along with diverse perspectives.

Perspectives of life differ from person to person based on the individual's level of socialization.

Leaders, however, have the natural inclination to foist their beliefs, values, work ethic or ways of doing things which may or may not go down well with subordinates.

With that in mind, it is a leader’s duty to build coalitions and create an avenue for absolute buy-in by his people.

This way people buy into a leader’s vision, beliefs, and values

Every team has its own way of doing things.

Some leaders tend to look and judge their team members based on what they see rather than putting themselves in the shoes of their followers.

To remediate that flaw, Brene Brown states that" Empathy fuels connection".

Employees have needs in tune with Maslow’s theory of needs.

They have the need for safe belonging or protection, having control over their lives and shared understanding.

Understanding these essential human needs can serve as levers that team leaders can use to build team environments that create upward spirals of constructive emotion and team collaboration.

My own imagery of empathy painted above as captured in renowned psychologist, Daniel Goleman’s components of Empathy. According to Goleman, there are:

1.??cognitive empathy which has to do with how people think and perceive the world which referred to as mental models.

2. Emotional empathy, the form of empathy that measures the level of resonance with others.

3. Empathetic concern / compassion which is characterised by the “I have your back” ideology. With this component, the leader cares about all and communicates it. It is action oriented.

Measuring our level of empathy with these components we come to the realization that we often look at things from our own perspective completely downplaying the perspectives of the people we manage.

We see things in our own eyes not the other person's eyes.

This shuts down the opportunity for team members to express how they feel.

Team members go through a lot, and some carry their burdens from their personal lives into the work they do.

From personal experience, I am inclined to agree with Socrates as he advised his listeners to be kind, because from his perspective everyone was fighting a hard battle.

In my line of work, after the end of a financial year we usually have an end-of-year discussion with all our direct reports. We measure performance against expected targets.

During the 2018/2019 end-of-year??performance review, I took particular interest in one of the underperforming members of my team.

I was trying so hard to wrap my mind around his abysmal annual performance and how to talk to him about it.

Won’t this metaphorical old lady become uneasy with the mention of dry bones?

These situations put most managers in awkward situations.

Contemplating for a while, I realized that negative feedback should be balanced with a positive one, so your direct report doesn't feel uneasy.

Start with positive feedback and end with reference to things the employee did not do well in the course of work.

At this point I tried to put myself in his shoes to understand his situation from his perspective and with it try as much as possible to account for the main hindrance to his performance.

From my report, he had personal issues relating to family as well as a strong alcohol addiction which was impeding his work.

I saw a feeling of dejection, fear of failure, despair, and despondency.

These issues made him disorganised and shifted his focus.

He needed help!

I offered parting words to soothe his fear and sufferings and went ahead to suggest the assistance of a mental health therapist to deal with the lifelong alcohol addiction. In relation to work, I offered guidance on how to prioritise his work and create a balance between work and his personal life in the ensuing financial year.

Creating a balance seems to be everyone’s problem.

We need to put ourselves in the shoes of our subordinates. This does not necessarily mean we have to experience what they are going through, but it shows we care and embrace their perspectives.

The leader should do the balancing act by showing empathetic concern.

There is a root cause and effect to every situation a team member is facing.

A leader should be able to connect on a deeper level when it comes to the personal lives of people they manage.

Can you empathize if you have not ever viewed a situation from another’s perspective or walked in another’s shoes?

Showing empathy should come with a lot of authenticity.

Without it, empathy becomes a mere cosmetic show of care which the person receiving it does not feel it.

Does the inability to feel a person's plight or see from another’s perspective mean you are emotionally numb?

As a leader if you want your team to achieve remarkable things you must first show them you really empathize with them.

There are caveats in leadership but the most imminent is to show empathy to your team. However, for maximum results there is a pressing need to demand for accountability.

A leader should avoid the trap of empathizing at the point of substituting empathy with results.

Team members do not live on islands separate from their work.

Empathy cannot exist in isolation without any dedicated support system.

A support system like tools, good reward system, effective welfare system, performance improvement plans, clear performance goals and vision should all be available.

Subordinates’ personal lives matter!

Subordinates have loads of concern to raise, however, because of the perceived negative reactions from their bosses they work in silence.

Leaders tend to sometimes be dismissive of Feedbacks by subordinates and view it as an excuse.

A study conducted in?2016 by the Massachusetts General Hospital https://prn.to/3OZ3II1 found empathy to be the distinguishing factor in medical care satisfaction. Sixty-five percent of patient satisfaction was attributable to physician empathy, according to the study.?Satisfaction was neither affected by the waiting time for an appointment, the waiting time in the office, time with the surgeon nor resident/fellow involvement. Physicians’ deep interest in patients’ plight or pains helped in treatment.

Subordinates tend to keep quiet and not voice out their problems when they have genuine concerns related to work. They tend to shelve them knowing they are going to be glossed over anyway.

In showing empathy, Theresa Wiseman (1996) indicates that there is the need to see the world as others see it, understand other people’s feelings, and communicate that understanding without being judgemental. Leaders can tap into these in showing empathy towards their teams.

References:

Wiseman T. (1996). A concept analysis of empathy. J Adv Nurs.;23(6):1162-7.

Massachusetts General Hospital (2016). https://prn.to/3OZ3II1

Study Abstract link: https://bit.ly/3vU5mTN

https://bit.ly/3vS38Eb Brene Brown on RSA Animate You tube channel.

Daniel Goleman on various kinds of Empathy on YouTube: https://bit.ly/386PUKZ