If You are Feeling Anxious....It is OKAY!

In the last two years, we have experienced a tremendous amount of discord, isolation, emotional traumas, and triggering events. Everything from the pandemic to the recent events in Ukraine have brought fear and anxiety to the forefront triggering “what-if’s” that can quickly take us spiraling.?

With years of uncertainty and the demands of life at an all-time high, mental health must be a priority. According to a 2022 report?from Mental Health America , 19.86% of adults are experiencing a mental illness and 4.91% are experiencing a severe mental illness. Equivalent to nearly 50 million Americans. According to SAMHSA, Any Mental Illness (AMI) is defined as having a diagnosable mental, behavioral, or emotional disorder, other than a developmental or substance use disorder. Any mental illness includes persons who have mild mental illness, moderate mental illness, and serious mental illness.”

When we start mentioning mental illness, it can cause some defensiveness to come up within us because we fear something being “wrong.” But anxiety is actually a defensive emotion that we all have. Our brain uses this as a protective mechanism to ensure we are safe. There are many types of?anxiety disorders ?such as social anxiety disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), panic disorder, phobias, and high functioning anxiety.?

Because I value transparency, I want to share that I have?high functioning anxiety ,?which stems from an inner fear of not being perfect. Upon reflection, I have realized this is something I’ve always had, but it only recently came to the surface. And although it felt a little overwhelming at first, I am grateful because it completed a missing puzzle piece that allowed me to understand myself more fully.?

Because I am a Type A and?Enneagram Type 3 ?(Competitive Achiever) I thought I had all of the answers about who I am. And because of being self-aware, I developed a toolbox of ways to self-regulate. I began practicing daily guiding principles and created a?soft squeezable cube ?as a way to work through my anxiety.?

Some of my favorite techniques have included:?

1. Breathing:?tap into your energy by just focusing on your breath
2. Movement:?utilize movement to reduce stress
3. Nourishment:?fuel your body in a natural way
4. Communicate:?listen to understand to improve communication in your relationships
5. Daily Routine:?incorporate activities that you love into every day
6. Challenges:?turn challenges into learning opportunities

I also began implementing the daily guiding principles of facing your fears as that addresses where anxiety lives - in our bodies. My personality is such that I strive to see the best, continue to move forward, solve problems and thrive in any situation. I am constantly trying to evolve and grow; even though I?know?I can never be perfect. And yet the core of my being still is fearful of not being perfect.

So how do you know if you might also be struggling with anxiety??

Anxiety looks different for everyone, but I hope that sharing my journey will help you not only identify anxiety that might be present in your life but also help you grow through it. Over the years, I experienced sporadic panic attacks. They progressively increased to where I had one a month last year and then three consecutive days of panic attacks. If you have had an episode, you know how intense it can be. And if not, it truly is a scary event where you experience hyperventilation, chest pounding, body tingling or numbness, and feeling a sense of extreme fear even though there is no?real?danger.?

I could not control how others felt about me without self-judgments of being too emotional and sensitive. I could not control how busy work was or protect my team from being overloaded. I could not prevent a key person from going on leave and two others leaving. I could not control my son’s fibrous dysplasia and the challenges it presented to his love of sports. I could not control the learning challenges my son was experiencing, and I could not control my daughter’s busy soccer schedule. To complicate matters, I got sick for ten days and could not talk for a few of those days. My brain was hyper-focused on trying to find solutions to things that in reality, were out of my control.

When I reached out to others for support, I was seeking validation that I was going through a tough series of events and that it was okay not to be perfect or have a solution. Instead, I received comments such as,?“I am not sure why you are freaking out,” “You are too sensitive,”?and?“You are too emotional.” These statements did nothing to help and only made me feel worse.

The most valuable lesson I learned was that having support from the right people is crucial. In times of strife, you realize who has your back and who your village is. Unfortunately, I was seeking support from the wrong people. But once I found the right support system, I received the validation I needed that it was okay to feel what I was feeling, and soon things began to normalize. Before long, I was back to feeling like my happy and positive self.

My recovery from anxiety started by talking with others that have experienced similar feelings, admitting I am not perfect and adding more tools to my coping skills toolbox. Next, I sought out professional support. With my network and professional guidance, they helped me understand I have high-functioning anxiety disorder and discussed various methods, medications, and alternatives to manage it safely.?

If you’re struggling too, here are some steps to help you face your anxiety:

1. Find a?supportive group?of people you can trust to be yourself without fearing judgments or projections of their struggles on you.
2. ?Be honest?about how you are feeling. Write down your feelings, use an app on your phone, or verbalize them to a safe person.
3. Seek professional help. Coaches and counselors offer a third-party confidential perspective.
4. Understand your triggers.?What are you fearful of? As I mentioned, I am fearful of not being perfect.
5. Face those fears.?Practice what you would do differently in situations that trigger your fears. For example, I am fearful of certain people not validating my worth. I will practice acceptance and not needing validation from those people through intentional thinking.
6. Learn how to?keep yourself grounded. Personally, I know I have to follow my daily principles, especially moving, stretching, and honoring time for self-reflection.
7. Reflect on signs that you are not being yourself. I had stopped writing or sharing with certain people where I did not feel validated, which is a huge part of who I am.
8. Trust your inner voice.?One of my coaches said the panic attacks were also a defense mechanism of my body not listening to what I know to be true about people, situations, and that I am perfectly imperfect.
9. Look for other?physical indicators?like pounding heart, headaches, upset stomach, a sense of doom, depression, irritability, or fatigue.?

What I know to be true my friends, is to remember that you are perfect as you are, and there is nothing you have to do today other than allow yourself to be you. Perhaps, today you want to face your fears, talk to a trusted friend or professional, or maybe you want a day of doing an activity that inspires you. Listen to what you know is true and embrace that we are all perfectly imperfect.

If you are seeking compassionate coaching and want to incorporate techniques to reduce stress and anxiety, I am happy to assist you.