Are You An Expert On Yourself?

How many of us have heard from a beloved one this sweet sentence: “I cannot live without you”? Only to see the other person after four months and ( sometimes after four weeks ) having fun on a beach with a bunch of new friends or a new spouse.

Imagine, you see your name on the top on a multi-million lottery winners list, how much joy, elation and excitement will you feel and for how long you will keep feeling it?

How many of us have imagined a world without a dear friend to feel that it would be utterly dull, depressive, sullen and grievous after him, but after a few weeks, the normal life sets in.

On the contrary, how many of you have thought and anticipated about the exhilaration you would have after you have your promotion, or a new Tesla or a new higher ?position at your work place, but after two months, it is all the same.

The above and hundreds of similar examples that we all have experienced ourselves raise a serious question: “how much do we know our feelings and more particularly the intensity and duration of our feelings?”

And more profoundly “Are you an expert on yourself?”

If not you, who can be the best person for that role? Luckily or ill-luckily, it will only be you.

As an accurate weather prediction for a storm not only predicts the wind speed but also for how long it will continue, so a great prediction of our feelings requires both the duration and the intensity of our emotions and feelings following a certain joyful or saddening incident.

Harvard Professor Daniel Gilbert, renowned for his research on Affective Forecasting has studied lottery winners to find that the happiness and exhilaration effect dilutes after a few months. After receiving the big millions cheque, the receivers are on the same stage of contentment or discontentment as they were previously, a few months ago.

He has labelled our “inability to correctly predict our own emotions” as affective forecasting.

One of our friends eagerly bought a four-acre? farm house, away from the hustle of our home town. It was a beautiful work of construction with 9 beds, a pool, a home theatre and horse-riding track. We could see the joy on his face for a few weeks as he invited every single friend in our mutual group to his new place, a symbol for his achievement.

But after six months, we found him the same on his emotions, when it came to the topic of owning such a place. In fact, he was less happy. His daily commute was now 70 minutes for each side, which equaled a little above two hours of driving that added to his routine. Further, he was unable to participate in events or dinners in our friends circle once he had gotten back to his home, because coming back to town was too hectic and was not worth the physical drain of energy.

The same is true for many other similar incidents. People having been promoted start feeling the same within two months, particularly when their job-status group changes.

Would it not be great if we could predict accurately, how good or bad we would feel following a certain event?

This is possible to some extent and has been proven through research. Here are a few tips:

1.?????? Avoid cheap-trade off. i.e. avoid exchanging a long-term hassle of ?what you have always been avoiding or hating to do with a short term seemingly attractive offer. If you dislike getting stuck in daily home-office-home commute, or do not like noise or loud music or glittery concerts, stay away from them, even if being exchanged for very highly decorated favors.

2.????? Imagine next two or three steps linked with such an action of yours to accurately assess, what you will have to go through daily after such a step.

3.???? Do not expect long term joy and happiness after owning a new car purchase, a job promotion, a new house. These all have their inherent limitations and you must be aware of what these things can offer and what they are unable to.

4.???? Aim for as much as possible autonomous time and personal freedom. There is no joy better than being able to do what you want to do.

5.???? Invest time in genuine relationships and friendships.

6.??? Must reserve some time, as the cliché goes, to “follow your passion”, even if you have to sacrifice a portion of your income for that time.?

See things clearly, with clarity.

But also, feel things clearly, with clarity.

Blessings

Hassan Bukhari (pen name)

Syed Hassan Abbas

Chief Editor

CLARITY Newsletter

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#Clarity #ThinkClear #ThoughtClarity #HandlingBias #thinkingBias