Are You An Expert at the Good Thank You?

Gratitude is an essential emotion, personally and professionally.

It saves us from being entitled – because feeling like we “deserve” a person’s time, attention or assistance is subverted by thankfulness. It brings us out of a self-indulgent funk, as most of us can always find some blessing, some benefit, some ability we have that reminds us that our lives are – for the most part – pretty good. Generally, it helps us be happier, because when we remember the things we’re grateful for, we start and end our days in a more positive place.

Other people are frequently central to our gratitude. But how often do we express our thanks in a memorable way? For a massive expenditure of effort, a thank you might take the form of flowers, a gift certificate to a favorite restaurant, etc. But in most cases, a sincere note will work. So the next time you have a great conversation with your mentor, a colleague lends a helping hand, someone introduces you to a great connection, make a point of delivering the perfect thank you with these three easy rules.

Be personal. A generic thank you note is boring, colorless, utterly forgettable. Why even bother expending the energy if that’s really all you can make yourself do? Instead, make sure you’re personal – from a warm and convivial tone to at least one reference to something that you share (e.g. an inside joke, something you discussed the last time you got together, an industry development you’ll both care about).

Get specific. One or two lines should be devoted to the particular action, favor or support this person provided you. What was it? And how did it help you? Answer these two questions simply and succinctly (e.g. I really appreciated the intro you made to your CEO – we had a great chat as a result and I’m optimistic about moving forward!”).

Don’t belabor it. No need to cross the line from grateful to gushing, from sincere to fawning. As with all decent writing, take the space you need to say what you want to say – and no more. Then wrap it up. Use your closing as an opportunity to indicate your desire to return the favor or connect with that person again face to face.

Most importantly, remember that the expression of gratitude counts for a lot – but so do the opportunities to return the favors you’ve been freely given. When these arise, make the time and take the effort to be generous in return.