Are YOU Driving People Crazy? Part II: The Conversation Hijacker

We began our “Are YOU Driving People Crazy?” series last month with a look at people who constantly wing it.?In case you missed that edition, feel free to read the article.

Let’s continue on with a second potential blind spot -- conversation hijacking.

You know what a hijack is.?It occurs when one person seizes or takes over something that belongs to someone else.?Usually, we think of hijacking in connection with airplanes or other modes of transportation.?The vehicle is taken over.?We thought we were going in one direction, only to find ourselves headed someplace completely different.

All too often, though, conversations also fall victim to this dastardly deed.

Person 1: “May I ask you a question?”

Person 2: “Sure!?What’s up?”

Person 1: “Well, I’m having a little trouble getting started on this assignment.”

Person 2: “Oh, I understand because when I was working on my piece of things last week, I had the same problem.?I wasn’t grasping what was going on, and it was throwing me for a loop.?I seem to….”

Hijacked!

Now, on occasion, we all do this.?Really, we do. However, when it is habit…when conversations with you typically start out going in one direction and, nine times out of ten, end up pointed straight at you, then it’s a problem.?And, you’re probably driving people crazy in the process.

So, what do you do??Here are some thoughts about how not to fall into conversation hijacking mode. (And, in case you didn’t notice, they spell out the word “hijack”.)

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Hear yourself.

Are you unsure about whether you’re a conversation hijacker??You can ask others.?(Note that you may, or may not, get an honest response.)?Another effective means of getting your answer, however, is simply to hear yourself.

If you’re able, while the conversation’s still going on, pull back, and try to analyze what’s happening.?If this is too weird for you (and, don’t feel badly if it is), do a rerun of the dialogue after the fact.?Either way, try to assess yourself honestly.?Was the original subject matter something related to the other person or some other topic but, by conversation end, you were mostly talking about yourself or something of importance to you?

Again, it may be a one-time occurrence.?It may only be occasional.?Then again, it may be habit.?Give a listen to your conversation patterns to determine if you find yourself in hijack mode more often than not.

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Identify when you do it.

The "when" is at the root of this part of the process. Do you take over conversations when you’re in a group of strangers??Do you take over conversations when you’re under stress??Do you take over conversations when you’re talking about a topic in your sweet spot??Do you take over conversations… anytime you have a conversation??If you can begin to dissect when you move into hijack mode, this information will aid you in overcoming your challenge.

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Justify not.

Bottom line…no excuses.?If you justify your actions (which is different from understanding your actions), no change will occur.?Be prepared to keep driving folks bonkers.?The only way to take meaningful steps toward the forward movement you’re after is to admit (at least to yourself) what you’re doing.

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Active listening is essential.

Sometimes folks take over conversations because they want to engage with someone else, but they don’t know how to do that.?Active listening can be a useful tool.

How might this look??Well, as someone else is talking, truly focus in on what he or she is saying. Don’t think about how this applies to you; just listen to understand.?Listen so that you can rephrase or summarize the gist of what was communicated, and you want to do this so that the speaker can clarify if your understanding is off in any way.?Asking open-ended questions also is helpful.?This demonstrates your engagement and your desire to comprehend what is being shared.?It involves you fully in the conversation…without making the conversation about you.

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Confer with trusted counsel.

You may have a conversation hijacking blind spot, and/or you may identify this as a challenge area but need some help in turning it around.?The assistance of trusted counsel can make a tremendous difference.

Notice that the key here is trusted counsel.?You may find many people who will be willing to tell you that you’re driving them crazy.?However, what is likely to be more useful is someone who’s willing to help you not only uncover the source of the lunacy but who’s willing to walk with you as you seek to turn it around.?Trusted counsel helps you to see yourself as you are now, and it helps you to continue your growth into what you can become!

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Keep working at it.

Habits aren’t formed in a single day.?Habits aren’t changed in a single day.?Some days you’ll be spot on.?Other days will be a struggle.?Keep working at it.?Keep focusing in on the changes you’re attempting to make.?Give yourself kudos, and mark your progress, when you succeed.?Assess your shortcomings, and work through alternate plans, when you slip.?But, don’t give up!?And, over time, you’ll find yourself a part of Hijackers Anonymous!

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The thoughts set out here are simple, but they’re not necessarily easy.?So, why don’t you let Executive Advantage serve as trusted counsel for you??

Contact us today.?We’d be honored to help you with the H-I-J-A-C-K steps set out here or in any other areas that may be limiting your professional and/or personal success.

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