Are you driven by Extrinsic Motivation by how Others Perceive you?

The reason why I am so passionate about this topic is that I've coached over 50 professionals who struggle with beating themselves up because of Recovering people-pleasing tendencies. At the end of the day, we all want to feel loved, respected, and some of us love being admired and being on stage in front of everyone clapping for us.

If you are struggling with the Constant Pressure, When you try to please everyone, you're constantly under pressure to meet everyone's expectations and preferences. This pressure can be overwhelming and lead to feelings of stress and anxiety.

1. Conflicting Demands: People have different wants, needs, and opinions, which can sometimes be contradictory. Trying to fulfill everyone's demands simultaneously can be impossible and leave you feeling torn in different directions.
2. Loss of Authenticity: In the process of trying to please everyone, you may compromise your own values, preferences, and authenticity. This can lead to a sense of inner conflict and dissatisfaction as you prioritize others' opinions over your own.
3. Lack of Boundaries: Constantly trying to please everyone can result in a lack of boundaries, making it difficult to say no or assert your own needs. This can lead to feelings of resentment and burnout over time.
4. Unrealistic Expectations: It's simply not possible to please everyone all the time. Setting such a high standard for yourself is unrealistic and sets you up for disappointment when you inevitably fall short.
5. Draining Relationships: Focusing too much on pleasing others can lead to one-sided relationships where your needs are consistently overlooked. This can be emotionally draining and ultimately detrimental to your well-being.

Developing an intrinsic motivation scoreboard involves shifting your focus from external rewards or punishments to internal satisfaction and fulfillment. Here's how you can go about it:

1. Identify Your Intrinsic Motivations: Reflect on what truly drives you from within. What activities or goals do you pursue because they bring you joy, fulfillment, or a sense of purpose? These could be things like personal growth, creativity, mastery, or helping others.
2. Set Intrinsic Goals: Instead of setting goals based solely on external rewards or societal expectations, set goals that align with your intrinsic motivations. For example, if you're passionate about learning, set a goal to master a new skill or deepen your understanding of a subject.
3. Create a Scoreboard Based on Personal Progress: Develop a system to track your progress and accomplishments in alignment with your intrinsic goals. This could be a journal where you reflect on your experiences, a checklist of milestones you want to achieve, or a visual representation of your journey.
4. Celebrate Personal Growth and Achievement: Celebrate your progress and achievements, no matter how small. Acknowledge the effort you've put in and the personal growth you've experienced along the way. This will reinforce your intrinsic motivation and drive you to continue pursuing your goals.

Now, let's discuss the pros and cons of developing an intrinsic motivation scoreboard:

Pros:

1. Sustainable Motivation: Intrinsic motivation is more sustainable than extrinsic motivation because it comes from within. When you're intrinsically motivated, you're driven by your own interests, values, and passions, which are less likely to wane over time.
2. Greater Satisfaction and Well-being: Pursuing goals that align with your intrinsic motivations can lead to greater satisfaction and well-being. You'll derive a sense of fulfillment from the activities you engage in, which can enhance your overall quality of life.
3. Increased Resilience: Intrinsic motivation can make you more resilient in the face of challenges and setbacks. Because you're driven by internal factors rather than external rewards, you're more likely to persevere in the pursuit of your goals, even when faced with obstacles.

Cons:

1. Less External Recognition: Intrinsic motivations may not always be recognized or valued by others, especially in environments that prioritize external rewards and recognition. This can lead to feelings of being overlooked or underappreciated.
2. Potential for Self-Doubt: Relying solely on intrinsic motivations can sometimes lead to self-doubt or uncertainty, particularly if you're not receiving external validation or feedback. It's important to cultivate self-confidence and trust in your own abilities.
3. Difficulty in External Measurement: Intrinsic motivations are subjective and personal, making them difficult to measure externally. This can make it challenging to track progress or evaluate success according to traditional metrics.

Overall, developing an intrinsic motivation scoreboard can be a powerful tool for fostering personal growth, fulfillment, and well-being. However, it's essential to recognize that intrinsic motivations may not always align with external expectations or norms, and cultivating them requires introspection, self-awareness, and a willingness to pursue what truly matters to you.