If You Don't Tell Your Family, Who Will?

Have you ever found yourself wanting to make a call to ask a question of a family member, for which they alone would have the answer, only to realize they are no longer with you?

My grandparents passed away many years ago and I still reach for the phone. More recently, in January of this year, my father passed away and I find myself wanting to call him to share a cute story, chat about a Jeopardy question, or more importantly, find out some historical fact about my ancestors; family members I never had a chance to know. We talked about a lot of things yet I know there are so many stories about him that I never got to hear.

If Only...

are probably the two words spoken more often than we care to admit. If only I had, if only I hadn't, if only, if only, if only...

So, what if you never had to speak these two sad words that make clear the pining for which there is no answer, no "phone-a-friend," no proof positive that something did or did not take place?

Enter – A new form of journaling; a not so private tale.

Legacy vs Vanity

Blazing a powerful trail in this new-age world of self-publishing and print-on-demand is the legacy, or vanity, book. Is there a difference? Does the difference rely on intent or past history? Isn't it only celebrities and politicians who are sought out to write auto-biographies and biographies in "as told by" books?

To tackle the question of whether it should be referred to as a vanity or legacy book, the line is pretty fine. Most think of vanity as excessive pride in ones appearance. Legacy is defined as a gift of monetary value given after death, but it also refers to an intangible item of value from a deceased family member, such as a story, award or honorary appointment; something for which they were acknowledged.

In my humble opinion more are looking to write legacy books, in an attempt to share their past with their families, than write vanity books. A vanity book is a presumptive impulse to announce to the world what one has accomplished personally or financially, whereas a legacy book is not as concerned with impressing the world because their family is their world. In fact, one might say that many celebrity autobiographies (rock stars, sports figures, etc.) are of the vanity type! Some stories are outstanding while others are, simply put, forgettable.

Taking the Guesswork Out of Your Story

Interestingly, if more family stories were recounted and written down, the factual and fanciful recollections would surely add to our nations' histories, for hasn't every family either housed a celebrity, saint, millionaire, hero, inventor, or politician; or harbored a hobo, crook, criminal, recluse, or rebel? Think about your own family. Did grandpa brew hootch in the back woods during prohibition? Did grandma hold secret meetings for women's equality? Did your Aunt Grace harbor a fugitive? Was Uncle Ned the first chess grand-master in the 1940's? Did your second cousin, once removed, invent the first bottled soda to be sold in grocery stores?

To tell these stories, to recount days gone by, might be considered vanity, after all it is about ones self and family tree, however, legacy might be a better representation of why a family member is revealing their past; to enlighten the current generation, as well as future generations. To let them in on what took place during a time when they weren't even born.

To have been that fly on the wall is pretty big. Haven't we learned on The Antiques Roadshow how important provenance is (the story behind the story) when researching memorabilia? And that's just about things. What about the history of your own lineage? It needn't be a mystery to your kids' kids.

S. Deborah Desser?2016
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