No! You don’t need to man up and Yes, you got this!

I was once told to ‘man up’ by a manager.?

As a relatively impressionable young professional who had taken her first step into the private sector, I believed my manager.

The company I was working for at the time was predominantly male, as is the energy sector I still work in. And at that time my then manager was one of a handful of senior female leaders in the field and an engineer. She was older, more experienced, accomplished, and professional. Why wouldn’t I believe her? I’m a bit embarrassed to admit it, but I was (at the time) actually quite grateful for the advice.

Of course, I later found out that it was, in reality, s*** advice and added to even more pressure to bury the insecurities I was already battling with, and at the expense of seeking or asking for support, which perhaps at the time could have helped.

Today it is hard to exist as a working woman without hearing about impostor syndrome. As if we are all not up against enough external obstacles when it comes to succeeding in the workplace, the second we start to do well at work, impostor syndrome sits inside our own minds telling us we do not deserve our success. Coupled with instances of negative reinforcement like I have described above what chance do we have!?

If you are a woman reading this how many times have you told yourself ‘I’m not quite ready yet’ or ‘you probably need a little bit more experience’ or ‘you don’t meet the requirements so why waste your time they’ll think you are stupid for applying’ and it’s not like there are plenty of external sources telling you otherwise.?

I am pretty sure I am not the only one that has experienced this inner dialogue and sought validation externally to counter this, to then be (mostly) disappointed.

Now I am NOT claiming that impostor syndrome is an issue that only impacts women. I have met plenty of people that suffer the anguish as I do when it comes to the fear of “being found out”. Male or female it baffles me every time I hear about someone else’s inner conflict, though it still does not make me question my own.

I used to be completely consumed by it, to the extent that it started to get in the way of my happiness. Whilst I still have my bad days, I have been getting help to work out ways to manage it — and that means a lot of reflection.

What I have found in the most recent years in my career and life, in general, is that i’ve been my own most enemy when it has come to holding back from pursuing opportunities and career advancements. This is because I had convinced myself that I was not good enough or there was always someone better or more worthy.?

Where did these beliefs come from? It would be unfair to say that this is just related to the workplace because often there are several factors contributing to this belief. In my experience, the seeds are often sown during childhood and early adolescence. This could be in casual family conversations and/or through societal/cultural verbal and non-verbal cues that promote risk aversion, enforce a fear of failure, or simply "that’s it’s not the place for a woman" mentality. I’ll leave this discussion for a deeper dive another day… but you get the picture.

So today, on international women’s day, a day when it becomes safe to share the woes we’ve had to face whilst trying to navigate and climb up the professional ladder I wanted to share some valuable lessons which have shifted my mindset, especially in the last 5 years or so.

To the women reading this…

Apply for that role

Go for it.

A while back I had come across an article written by Anjali Verma where she quoted a well-known statistic that is often cited in articles related to this subject this being that men tend to apply for jobs even if they meet just 60% of the job requirements where women only tend to apply for jobs when they think they meet 100% of the requirements.

You got this. At the very least you will be thankful for the experience!

Choose role models and mentors very carefully

It sounds very obvious but it’s easy to forget that this is a lot to do with what success means to you. I took on a lot of detrimental feedback and forced myself to believe it because it was coming from management and /or those who were senior figureheads in positions that I thought I needed to aspire to.

I have found that I have most resonated with those that have taken the time to understand my differences and the challenges this can present in a workplace.

I have several mentors within the industry, both male and female! All I did was ask for support. People are happy to help.

Really think about the type of environment you want to work in

Study and research the company, talk to existing as well as past employees (I’d say especially past). Take note of the recruitment process as well. This gives you early signs. Is it an inclusive process? Don’t be afraid to ask challenging questions to eradicate any doubts. It’s better to have uncomfortable conversations upfront.

You are allowed to leave

Unpopular opinion amongst many I speak to but I stand by it.

Your happiness matters, you spend a lot of time at work! Gone are the days when a number of years in a given place add validity to your professionalism. Of course, I don’t mean bounce every other month, but leaving to pursue a career opportunity that you are ready for but cannot materialise in your current position for whatever reason and/or leaving a toxic environment is perfectly ok. And don’t be afraid to talk about it. How else can we initiate change?

Personally and professionally there will be times you are supposed to leave. I always wish someone had been saying this to me when I was younger because there are so many doors I should have walked out of …but I stayed and mostly out of fear.

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To employers wanting gender diversity in the workplace

Encourage diversity in decision-making roles

For example, if they are not the hiring managers get women from other teams to participate in the recruitment process. Diversifying your process will help diversify the outcome!

Be encouraging and mean it

There are several steps that organisations can take to ensure that more women apply for jobs, by encouraging them to put their hand up for internal career advancement. Do this by making them feel like they belong and are deserving. Help them plug any gaps and skills if you see potential by investing in them. It’s not about ‘having an extra pair of hands’ to pick up your slack and give you comfort by predictability. Appreciate and embrace difference and aspiration. If you can't, then please spare the hopeful employee to find a more suitable opportunity!

Utilise and develop your resource properly! This leads nicely to my next point.

Please please please tackle unconscious bias

Often talked about in many diversity and inclusion conversations and it is the most obvious place to start. Tackle unconscious bias – it’s the silent killer to advancing your D&I goals and driving women out the door! I have been around and seen some great professionals who aren’t aware that their language is at times bias and condescending (and yes, now I call it out not because I have an abundance of confidence all of a sudden, but more because I am exhausted by it. I'm done).

Unconscious bias training should be a staple IMO!

Another step can be to focus on drafting ‘ gender-neutral ‘friendly’ job descriptions which can make applying for positions more accessible. Changing the language to focus on what is important, what are critical skills to have, and what would be nice to have.

Sometimes it’s the use of words like essential and desirable that massively reduce the pool of what could be filled with great candidates who are maybe just a little rough around the edges and could be the change you are looking for.

“I will always present who I am truthfully. Silence has been the language of women for too long: I write for all the things I wish had been said to me growing up”

~ Salma El-Wardany

If you made it this far thanks for reading my spilled thoughts.

Happy International Women’s day!?

Amisha