You don't have a job (yet) and that's okay.

Hello there! 

If you’ve stumbled on this you’re (hopefully) a future employer trying to learn a little more about me. However, you’re probably just a friend or loved one who’s seen my site and wants to take a peek at what I’ve been up to recently. Well, aside from updating this website, maintaining a house, loving on my pets, and spending some quality time with my newly minted husband, it’s felt like my life has been a whole lotta nothin’ lately. Don’t get me wrong - the break is welcome. Honestly, it’s probably necessary for my mental health. But, it’s also downright discouraging - and dare I say it - depressing. I’m writing this mainly to get my thoughts straight, but also because I'm pretty sure others have felt like me before (or are currently feeling this way). And if this offers any consolation to someone struggling right now, then I would like to think that it’s worth it. 

As someone who’s always worked to be at the top, I never lacked times where I didn’t feel like I was validated, rewarded, or recognized for my success. Those feelings were always very prominent throughout my grade school years. When I arrived at Tech five years ago, I realized the feeling of fulfillment I had grown accustomed to was going to be much harder to achieve - but that realization was masked with new friends, clubs, social activities and excitement for what was to come. 

Five years flew by with lifelong bonds, vast amounts of knowledge, love, and a bright future. Graduation arrived, and with it came plenty of “So what’s next?”s. At the moment, I wasn’t worried. I had a plan. 

WHAT’S NEXT? MY WEDDING! 

Graduation was at the beginning of May. My wedding was at the end of June. I had a summer job lined up that would allow me to take time off for the festivities. I had 2 months of job hunting where I would surely find something. I filled out over 100 job applications, had several phone interviews, and was invited to in-person meetings. After a few promising leads, nothing came out of it. No worries. I have a wedding to go to. 

WHAT’S NEXT? THE HONEYMOON! 

This was the time to relax! Enjoy the beginning of forever with my new husband and de-stress from what seemed like a whirlwind the previous few months. I still had not heard back from several job applications. I checked my phone as often as possible. I made it a point to let people know, “Hey, I may be out of the country but I will get to your email as soon as possible!” The trip was perfect. Everything was perfect. However, when I arrived I received messages telling me I was not what employers were looking for and they decided to pursue others who more closely aligned with their interests. Well. Okay. I have a house to settle into. I still have open applications with no response. I can focus on other things for a bit. 

WHAT’S NEXT? MOVING IN! 

How could I focus on applying for jobs when I still had my whole life to unpack? I still had my summer job to finish. Once I heard back from those applications and a new job came around, I wasn’t going to want to unpack and settle in. At the moment, “right now” was the best time. And still, I didn’t hear back from anyone. I continued to unpack. I continued to add final touches to our home. Make it everything I wanted it to be. Eventually running out of small projects. That’s when the dread started to settle in. 

WHAT’S NEXT? I DON’T KNOW. 

My summer job ended. No grand finale, no fireworks, no big send-off. Like a candle, first, it was flickering- I had an ongoing list of things to do. A moment later, only a ghost of smoke was left. Nothing left for me to do except feel how empty my calendar was all of a sudden. The end of that commitment made my lack of purpose extremely evident. I had no work, no school, no house projects left to do. In summary, I felt - and still feel - aimless. 

MOVING FORWARD

Now, when I plan to meet up with anyone, my stomach gets tied in a knot. Not because I don’t want to continue having valuable and meaningful interactions, but because I dread the question. That question. What’s next? What are you up to? Do you have a job yet?

Sure, there were moments where I’ve just sat there and stared at the wall. There are times where I feel so down that leaving my bed is nearly impossible. I filled out so many applications, I tried all I could only to be left with nothing to show for it. A shiny new degree and an assortment of finely tuned skills with no outlet to showcase them in. As someone who looks for has always looked for validation, this point in my life is particularly difficult. However, I have found plenty of opportunities to learn about myself and value this downtime in a new light. 

For as long as I can remember, I have never taken a break. School was always at the forefront, followed by band, then athletics, summer jobs, part-time jobs, scheduled social events with both friends and family. Summer vacations were simply 2-week trips to visit distant family - with every day of those 2 weeks planned out in advance.

Part of my discomfort with my current situation was not because I felt like I will never find a job, but because I just don’t know what to do with myself. At first, my days were wasted. I slept in, watched YouTube videos, went on long walks with the dog. After several days of this, I reached out to my husband. Despite our nice evenings and constant conversation, I felt alone. I felt pointless. It was after several days of struggling with that dread and many messages from my husband and sister that I soon came to realize: I could spend my days feeling sad and sorry for myself. Or I could take advantage of this newly found free time and better myself in ways I was never able to for the past 18 years. 

And that was my big realization: Whenever I joined the workforce, I didn’t want to be sad, anxious and worn-down Ariana. Not only would that be disrespectful to myself, but it would be an injustice to my future employer. They didn't deserve to hire anyone other than the best version of myself and now I had the chance to be the best me I could be. Someone not worn down by years of work and expectations, but someone comfortable in who they are and where they are in life. 

So now, I cannot explain how helpful that change in outlook has been to my mental health recently. I don’t wake up dreading another day of nothing. Nor do I stare at my computer disappointed in what isn’t coming my way. But I keep reminding myself that the right job will come around, and that I have a leg up with much more time to continue to fine-tune my work in ways that my full-time working peers do not. I have the time to pursue my interests in ways that school did not allow me to. And I have the time to eat right, sleep right, and become more well-rounded in my approach to my physical health. 

Now, I know that I am much more privileged than many others who have found themselves in my position. I have a supportive husband who is not pressuring me to find a job as fast as possible. We have been fortunate enough to start a comfortable life together that has allowed me to taken advantage of my newfound freedom. I am aware of this privilege and hope to offer some support for others despite where they are in life. 

HERE IS A LIST OF THINGS THAT ANYONE IN MY POSITION CAN TAKE ADVANTAGE WHILE WORKING ON THE JOB SEARCH. 

MOST ITEMS ARE VERY BASIC AND SEEMINGLY COMMON SENSE, BUT I HAVE FOUND THAT THEY MAKE A WORLD OF DIFFERENCE WHEN IMPLEMENTED. THESE THINGS HAVE HELPED ME FEEL BETTER THROUGHOUT THIS PROCESS AND COULD BE HELPFUL TO YOU : 

Drink water:

This is basic but so necessary for everything. It’s quick to forget to take care of yourself in the chaos of everything life brings but simply staying hydrated is a step in the right direction towards a healthier you. Read more about the benefits of being hydrated here: https://www.aifc.com.au/how-important-is-water-hydration-to-mental-health/

Sleep more - sleep enough: 

The desire to stay up and do “just one more” job application, or do “one more“ posting search, or “one more” revision on your resume will be strong. But filling out that application at 3 am does nothing but hurt you and reinforces bad sleeping habits. Do yourself a favor, and go to bed. Applications will still be there in the morning. The job posting will still be open in the morning. You have all day to work on that job search. So do that. During the day. Sleep at night. You want to be bright-eyed, bushy-tailed, and well-rested for your first day of your dream job when it happens and the best way to do that is to establish good sleeping habits. Again, learn about sleep and overall wellness here: https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/publications/sleep-report

Get outside: 

Go on a hike, walk, run, whatever suits you. Just get outside. Do it alone or do it with others. Just get outside. There is so much research to support the health benefits that come with spending time outside. ( a good read: https://www.businessinsider.com/11-reasons-you-should-go-outside-2014-4 ) It’s only a matter of time before your new job will take up 8+ hours of your day, 5 days a week. Making it a priority when you still have the time will allow you to view outside sessions as an available outlet in your arsenal of de-stressing activities. Plus, you have the advantage of enjoying nice days when others don’t! Do your work outside, take breaks when the sun is out. As cliche as this may sound: Just look on the bright side!

Set goals for yourself

Now, the previous set of advice is all fine and dandy, but I have found it to be helpful to still allow myself to create a structure for my life. Goal setting is a valuable skill that will not only help you visualize what you want in the future but helps you establish the steps you need to take to get there. You cannot only think out what you want your professional life to look like, but the chance to figure out what it is you value in your personal life, and integrate it into a holistic outlook for your future. I have found that using SMART goals (I know, grade school stuff. Learn more about them here: https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/smart-goals.htm) is the best way to outline what I want to get out of my future. Goal setting looks different for everyone, but I would like to think that at least visualizing what you want 10 days, weeks, or months from now is a valuable activity that we should all practice every once in a while. 

Find a hobby

It is easy to find yourself in the rabbit hole of endless applications, but make it a priority to do something you love. Whether that’s reading, pottery, fitness classes, photography, poetry, dancing, etc. Do something that allows you to completely disconnect from the job search. Not only will it give you a space away from the endless applications, but it will give you the chance to grow and develop in other ways that school or previous jobs may not have allowed you to. For many, devoting themselves in hobbies has allowed them to find other passions to pursue in life. Of course, that’s not for everyone, but it is something you can keep in mind. For me, finding a local gym and attending classes has given me something to look forward to and a new community to join. My animals are great, but they can’t hold a conversation. My husband is great, but I only see him after work. I can only be alone for so long, and classes give me a way to get out of that and meet new people (I also get to burn some calories but that’s a story for another day). 

Continue making connections

You don’t feel like applying for jobs today? That’s all right. You’re tired of messing with your portfolio? Fine. If you’re feeling particularly lazy for some time, try switching out a Facebook scrolling session with a LinkedIn one. Better yet, I challenge you to find some of your favorite companies, see who works for them, and reach out to connect. Ask them a question about their position. Let them know you’re looking for advice on what you could be doing to nail your dream job. You’d be surprised at how many industry professionals are willing to share what they’ve learned while getting to where they are now. Begin populating your feed with profiles of people you look up to. It gives so much valuable insight into the world that you want to be a part of. Continue growing those connections and starting conversations. Your next LinkedIn friend could be your next professional reference. 

This is also true with in-person connections. Meet someone new? Ask what they do? Tell them to keep you in mind if they hear about openings in the future. Tag along with a friend in your preferred industry and establish relationships wherever you go. Many of my most recent job leads have been from friends or friends of friends who remembered me, what I was looking for, and sent some information my way or passed my name along to others. While I don’t entirely support this notion, sometimes it is who you know over what you know. 

Practice your skills

While you’re working towards getting hired, don’t forget to continue working on those skills that employers want. Or refreshing yourself on skills you haven’t used in a while. For me, I’m taking my sketching back to its basics. It’s a skill I haven’t used but one that is valued in my desired profession. You, as a currently unemployed person, have the chance to hone in on what YOU want. Do some research on your desired industry. Look at skills are being searched for, what’s popular, what's valuable, and make it a commitment to learn that. We are living in the digital age and tutorials for just about everything are out there. Heck, there may even be free (or cheap) certifications that will teach you and make you qualified in certain skill sets. Look back at your previous work. Is there a way to make it better? Is there a way to make you better? Make you more competitive in the job market? If so, do it. 

CONCLUSIONS

While I have yet to find a job, I find solace in knowing that I am becoming a better me - in all aspects. I have taken advantage of this newfound break to take care of myself to put my best foot forward when the time comes. It wasn’t easy. It’s still not easy. But it’s something. And I’m proud of it. Not everyone goes through life at the same pace and recognizing that is one step in the right direction. 

So yes, I don’t have a job - yet. But that’s okay.

-AOK