You did great, but...

Have you ever received a candid and tough feedback?

The feeling of injustice or lack of unfairness usually comes up at this time of the year, when feedback conversations are happening right after the performance assessments. You're certain you gave your best, put all your efforts, sometimes even leisure hours and in the end you don't hear the message you were expecting.

That's something hard to digest. Don't tell me it's easy because I know, you know and everyone here knows that it's not. So what to do when you don't agree? Or, when at first it's something hard to acknowledge and you finally understand that it's something you need to work on?

Usually a tough message is hard to swallow and before you overreact, just listen to what the other party is saying and reflect. Ask for examples, situations, so you can have clarity to what's being delivered to you. Think, sleep, think again and reflect on each point in a pragmatic way. Then, ask for a new conversation if you still have questions, or points you need more information in a way that you are able to show yourself open to work on whatever points highlighted or even to bring your view on points you don't share the same view.

It's always a matter on how you present the information, how you manage to have this conversation. If you show openness, interest in improving your skills, changing attitudes, then fine. Not a problem at all having conversations after the message is delivered. Actually, it says a lot about your maturity level. Some researches shows that a feedback with a post-reflection is more effective than the feedback itself.

Don't forget that a tough feedback is usually a great opportunity to truly know what others think about the work you do.

And, if you are in the position of the manager that just had delivered a tough feedback, don't wait for the next quarter for a follow up conversation, show your people management skills and support your direct report with a follow up meeting a couple of weeks after the message being delivered, support your team members to have a clear understanding of the path they need to pursue and more important, create a safe environment where people feel there's trust between you and your team. During the tough moments (or delivering tough messages) is when people can build the strongest relationships.