Are you a desirable client?

“We’re the client. Our organization pays you. You do the job.”

Those were the old days.

If this question is strange to you, then this post could be eye-opening.

The notion of an ‘ideal customer’ is rarely discussed openly, yet it’s circulating in masterminds and among service professionals who are differentiating between client quality.

Be aware, your service professionals are vetting you as much as you vet them.

Many left their “soul sucking corporate job” to escape the grind that was killing them.

They’re making a living outside the organizational negativity and politicking. Typically, a health crisis or misery got their attention.

We were on an overseas flight. My partner, Chris Cowan, and I were to deliver a Spiral Dynamics? training. We looked at each other and said, almost simultaneously, “I don’t want to do this.”

We were dreading the people in this group.

Reassuring one another, we said, “It is only 7 days. We can do this.”

And, “Maybe it won’t be as bad as we’re dreading.”

It was worse.

Public programs allowed anyone who could pay to join.

Increasingly, toxic participants made the program challenging and spoiled the joy we had delivering it together.

We both came from a, “the customer is right” approach.

We got significantly better at dealing with difficult people (at a cost).

Those who came specifically with an intention of creating knock-offs, copycatting, plagiarizing our work, and trademark infringement added to the stress. Legal repercussions didn’t dissuade them until they had to pay lawyers (some people are slow learners and don’t stop to consider the consequences of their actions).

This kind of stress has cumulative effects.

Chris always said, “Every interaction is either for better or for worse. None are neutral.”

The clients we take on shape the quality of our lives. Who we let in matters.

The high maintenance board member who would call our cell phones late at night with the next emergency, tasking us to produce the “thing” the next day or week. After the all-nighter we had to change our flights to be in a different city unexpectedly for the meeting he’d moved because he wanted to visit someone.

There was the CEO who insisted we spend each evening debriefing him until midnight. This following full days working with his senior management team - we were functioning while jet lagged from the overseas flight. ?

There were the cultists issuing their threats and insisting we support their ideological stance - even if it flew in the face of the science - who appeared in our public workshops.

Whether high maintenance, Prima Donna, crazy-maker, or extra needy, these clients took focus away from our wonderful clients. They depleted our energy and enthusiasm.

You might suggest firmer boundaries.

Our ethos was to FULLY serve and support our clients whatever they needed.

Nastiness and toxicity increased when a cult attached themselves to our brand and made false claims about us. It was very difficult for Chris, and for me.

My thyroid and adrenals failed. That made it hard on Chris. It took my body 3 years to recover. ?

We worked to get our sponsors to filter enrolments better. It didn’t help.

There were many wonderful companies, groups and clients over many years.

The bad ones had a disproportionate impact. We incurred a massive cost to our health and peace of mind. ?

It made me wonder how celebrities dealt with the consequences of their fame when even, on a tiny scale, things like this took their toll on us.

It wore Chris down.

Two weeks after the cancer diagnosis, he warned me, “This will happen to you if you don’t get away from these people.”

Our environment and relationships shape us. I knew allowing certain clients into our world created off-the-chart stressors.

I thought we could bounce back. I was wrong.

One week later he was dead.

Losing my best friend, business partner, and husband, was the hardest thing I had to endure. I had to acknowledge the impact these clients contributed to his dis-ease.

Reflecting on the years of stress creating clients, viscerally experiencing the toll toxicity took, I leapt at the concept of “right fit client”.

I took his words to heart and made significant changes to the business.

I might have gone overboard.

Filters and guard rails went in to ensure only “right fit” people got in to work with me.

I met others doing the same thing. We compared approaches and nightmare stories.

When a surprising direct message came in accusing me of wanting to sell them something, I did a double take. Huh?!?!?

We’re not providing burgers or hardware.

When we work with clients who are going through significant change, it involves a deep relationship at many levels of the organization. In that relationship, we have to have the possibility to have respectful and functional interactions.

I’m one part of the equation. The client has to do their part. It works ONLY when we work TOGETHER towards an outcome. The relationship has to be functional and productive.

Top-notch professionals have accepted that just because you can pay doesn’t mean they should do business with you. They want to enjoy the work. They want to flourish. They want to experience joy and light up when they work.

In better programs, there’s a deep reckoning around which clients truly benefit from what’s offered and at what cost.

If working with you is painful, difficult, or high maintenance, no amount of money will make it worthwhile. If there isn’t a significant chance of success, for providers who want to make a difference, it’s not worth compromising the brand or reputation.

I’ve seen my colleagues refuse business to wait for the right client. They want to deliver results, not take short cuts, and they want client who value their contributions.

Some want engagements to be fun and rewarding.

I urge my students and clients to make themselves coachable because if we can’t work together effectively, there’s no point in taking the money. Every interaction will require significantly more effort and cause more angst than working with coachable and enjoyable individuals.

So, merely having a budget, a project, or wanting to work with a particular coach or consultant isn’t enough – it is for the unskilled.

More and more, the cost of taking on clients who aren’t a great fit is viewed as a liability amongst service professionals. Like me, they assess the relationship's cost against their alignment and goals before accepting your business.

We are protecting our confidence, our mindset, our energy, our health, our integrity, and our sanity. Mostly, we’re protecting our ability to do great work for great clients.

I promise you, no amount of money is worth mental deterioration, compromising health, misery and stress to the point not sleeping at night and worrying every day, or shortening your life.

Whether you are standing in line for coffee or building a massive organizational change strategy needing professional services, ask yourself, “How can I be a great client?”

By Natasha Todorovic-Cowan

#change #changemanagement #consulting #leadership #SpiralDynamics