Are You Dealing with a Difficult Co-worker??♀?

This is the #1 question I get asked: “How do I deal with the difficult people at work?”

You know who I mean. I bet you’re picturing them right now. These folks can pop up in your work or personal life, and, oh boy, they’re memorable.

Let me introduce you to a few of my favorites:

• Negative Nelly: You ask, “How are you today?”—and suddenly you’re stuck in a 15-minute storm of everything wrong in her world.
• Sidetrack Sally: You bring up Topic A, and Sally takes you on a detour to Topics B, C, and D, and you never make it back to A.
• Bossy Bruce: Bruce jumps into every conversation like a bull in a china shop, steamrolling the discussion to focus only on his ideas.
• Doesn’t-Deliver Don: Don promises you the moon, forgets the promise, and you’re left holding the bag when deadlines hit.

So, what do you do about them?

Here’s the truth: You can’t control their behavior. But you can control how you respond to it. Let’s break it down with my five best secrets:

Secret #1: It’s Not Personal.

Negative Nelly isn’t out to ruin your day. She’s just stuck in her own cycle of negativity.

Sidetrack Sally isn’t ignoring your agenda—she’s craving attention. Bossy Bruce? He’s scared things will fall apart if he doesn’t take control.

Keep this mantra handy: “This is not personal.” Say it until you believe it.

Secret #2: Stop Justifying Yourself.

When you feel cornered, it’s easy to over-explain. Don’t. For example, if you need help on a project, just ask: “I could use your help with this task. Are you available?” Simple. Direct. No 50 reasons why.

Secret #3: Use a “Parking Lot.”

Sidetrack Sally loves a tangent, so give her a place to park it. Say this: “Sally, that’s a great idea. Let’s add it to the parking lot and circle back in two days.”

Boom. You’re back in control of the conversation. p.s. don't forget to address all the parking lot items within the time you committed to or you’ll lose the power of the parking lot.

Secret #4: Prepare for Difficult Conversations.

Avoiding conflict feels easier, but it doesn’t fix anything. Here’s how to handle Bossy Bruce:

1. Start positive: “Bruce, I admire your passion for making sure things get done.”
2. Set boundaries: “I’d appreciate it if we stick to the meeting flow and park any off topic items in the parking lot.”
3. Follow through: If Bruce interrupts again with an off-topic comment, calmly say, “Thanks, Bruce, I’ll put it in the parking lot.” Or “Thanks, Bruce bring that up again when it’s your turn.”

Over time, this repeated pattern will change Bruce’s behavior because you’ve changed your response.

Secret #5: No Accidental Meetings!

You know the drill: You’re rushing out the door, and someone says, “Got a minute?” Your instinct says, “Uh-oh, this won’t end well.” Trust it.

Instead, schedule it: “I can’t right now, but let’s schedule a time to chat.”

You never want to have a difficult conversation on the fly because you’re not prepared and it’s more likely that it will only make the situation worse.

Here’s the Bigger Picture:

Difficult people aren’t trying to be difficult (even though it feels like it)—they’re operating from their own fears, habits, and beliefs.

• Negative Nelly? Stuck in a cycle of negativity.
• Sidetrack Sally? Just wants to feel heard.
• Bossy Bruce? Afraid things won’t get done.
• Doesn’t-Deliver Don? Avoids conflict like the plague.

To truly win with other people remember: Not everyone sees the world through your binoculars.

Be willing to step behind the ‘other’ persons binoculars not necessarily to agree but to understand.

Be courageous and have the conversation with the person directly so it can be resolved instead of ‘venting’ to another person that can't do anything to solve the situation.

Be persistent because over time your repeated change in response will result in a change in behaviour from the difficult people.

P.S. Remember, sometimes you might be the difficult person. Don’t worry—we’ve all been there. ??

I believe in you!

Tammy

[email protected]

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